For better, for worse
by another.maggie
Summary: After spending the last years of his life as a devoted single father Jackson is delighted when he meets April, who seems to be everything he could ever ask for. But she comes with more baggage than he accounted for – can he help her move on, or is she not even willing to? AU. Several characters will appear.
1. January 8th 2015

**January 8th 2015, Thursday.**

* * *

Jackson Avery was a man known for many things. Doting father, plastic surgeon extraordinaire, retired star basketball player of the Harvard Crimson Men, and heir to the Harper Avery name, fortune and foundation – in this order. One thing he was not known, and didn't want to be known for: running late. However, that was exactly what he was doing right now.

Although he was nine days shy of four years in the role of his life, he still encountered moments of failure. Honestly, he doubted there would be a day where he wouldn't. Parenting was full of errors, especially for a single parent, who had to make every single decision all by himself. On the other hand, he had no one to argue about those decisions, and no one to judge him. So that was something (or so he liked to tell himself, whenever he found himself doubting).

The reason he was running late today was almost pathetic. He'd forgotten to take his son's favorite plushie, an Octopus named Otto, which he only noticed halfway on the way to his mother. There was no way the almost four-year-old would go to bed without Otto, and so Jackson found himself turning around and getting the toy before he dropped his son of at his mother's house. By that time he was already six minutes late. Add a few traffic lights and you've got a perfect academic quarter of lateness.

It wasn't that bad, right? This wasn't a man waiting on life saving surgery. This was a parent-teacher night. Nobody would care-

He shook his head. Even as he tried to convince himself he couldn't. Parents were judgy. Especially those who managed to get their children into the Giddens school kindergarten program. Few private schools in Seattle offered kindergarten. Getting into one of those wasn't exactly easy. In fact, he'd only gotten in thanks to the recommendation of a co-worker of his, who had applied to the program before her child was even born. That, and a poignant story about the hard life of a single dad/ super surgeon. He never felt particularly bad about getting the waterworks on when it benefited his son. For that little guy, he'd do anything.

Including coming late, which was still very unlike him, and smile about it.

"Good evening everyone. Very sorry about the delay. Got held up at work."

The waterworks where one thing, throwing his kid under the bus was a different story. Luckily, he didn't have to. Not at Giddens, anyway. Since they knew him from a few previous parent teacher nights. they also knew about his situation. In fact, most of the mothers and a few fathers of the few fathers present nodded at his explanation.

"Good evening, Mr. Avery", Linda Baxter, not exactly his son's favorite teacher but definitively a very respectable one, greeted him. "Take a seat. We were just getting started."

"Glad to hear that", Jackson replied truthfully as he found an empty chair in the half circle between Catherine and Heath.

He hated missing important information, that's why he never was late. The notes he got from other people afterward were hardly ever satisfying. To feel really secure he had to be present. His mom called it trust issues. Jackson preferred thoroughness.

"As I was saying we will focus on the music project for the next couple of weeks..."

As Linda went on the other parents took notes and nodded along, and Jackson, too, took notes and nodded along. This was their job as parents of children in kindergarten. Or maybe it wasn't. But everyone was doing it, so he didn't want to be the odd one out. He was already a bit of an outcast being a single parent. He didn't care to add to his list of failures. Besides, taking notes gave him a sense of control that greatly satisfied him. If anyone asked about his son's education – Jackson was on top of it. He might not offer a complete family, or an excessive amount of time spent together, but he could offer that. He could care. And that made him feel much better about their situation.

Parent teacher nights at Giddens followed a strict routine. First the teacher would talk about upcoming projects. If parental help was required the tasks would be distributed to the parents. A part to which Jackson always payed attention so he could get into the sports events, not into the finger painting contest (that was just way too messy). At the very end there was time to mingle with the other parents that appeared to be about setting up play dates, but really offered an opportunity for the teacher to pull parents aside for 'trouble talks'. Jackson had never been pulled aside for a trouble talk, not that he'd brag about it.

That very night, the teacher talk part went on for what seemed to be hours. It was really just minutes. However, one of the qualities that Linda had not been bestowed with upon birth was a rhetoric gift. Paying attention got harder and harder with every word she spoke, especially after a ten hour work day transitioning seamlessly into dinner and bath time with a three-year-old. In the end Jackson found his eyes wandering across the half circle of parents, hoping to see something interesting.

Valerie's husband had come tonight, which was unusual. Maybe that little break from work he'd taken deliberately had not been so voluntarily after all. Dana, next to them, sported a decent layer of make up and a nice dress. The disappointment on her face clearly showed she had expected someone other than Linda to host the evening. When Jackson took his eyes off her and kept wandering he met the steel blue gaze of his co-worker. Arizona sported a sly smile, happy she'd caught him in the act. Her lips parted and moved, forming ' _pay attention_ ' in the silence of monotone talking. He mouthed ' _You're one to talk_ ' back at her before he shifted his gaze to the other half of the circle.

Surprisingly, it turned out to be far more intriguing than possible parent teacher affairs and lost jobs on the left side. There was a new parent. In the middle of the school year.

Jackson couldn't make out her face, because she was bent over in what seemed to be a relatively uncomfortable position caused by the fact they were sitting on chairs made for toddlers and the fact that she was scribbling away in a tiny red notebook. All he could see, beside the notebook, was her red mane, which completely hid her face.

As he watched her in what he hoped was a discrete way she continued to fascinate him. Who was this woman that seemed incredibly invested in her self-given task of taking notes that showed up in the middle of the school year on parent teacher night, of all days? Where did she come from? How did she get into Giddens? What did she do? Was she famous? And (he just couldn't help this one) what was her family situation?

You didn't just change kindergarten in the middle of the year if your life was peachy. It was an unwritten rule in all of the relevant pedagogical works. He knew he wouldn't. Getting into Giddens had been hard enough as it was. If nothing out of the ordinary came up he'd keep his son here for as long as possible. So what did push her to do just that with her child?

The scenarios in Jackson's head were so captivating he barely noticed when the talk was over. He only noticed when everyone, including the mysterious redhead, gathered their things and got up from the chairs to start mingling. As he gathered his own things he watched her out of the corner of his eye. She headed straight for the refreshments. A woman to his own liking.

 _Getting ahead of yourself, Avery_ , he told himself with a quite head shake. Nonetheless he followed her to the table and watched as she poured herself a cup of coffee. Her eyes wandered over the table. His time had come.

"Looking for something?"

Slightly startled she looked up to meet his eyes, which gave him a chance to finally put a face to the- well, woman he still had so many questions about, really.

"Oh... uhm... yeah, actually, I'm looking for sugar."

Jackson nodded and grabbed the little golden box that read coffee, popped it open. "One? Two?"

"One, please", she said. Her voice was really nice. Melodic, easy to listen to, unlike other people's. He followed her request and put another one into an empty cup before he poured coffee all over it.

"That's a relief", the redhead acknowledged, "I was afraid I'd already put myself into the weirdo position for drinking coffee at this hour."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It's all the same to me. We drink it like water at work."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're a teacher?"

He laughed, but somehow she understood it wasn't malicious. "No. I'm a parent first, surgeon second."

"No way!"

"What? It's possible." Jackson's lips formed a little mock pout. Somehow despite only knowing her for mere minutes, and not even knowing her name yet, he felt at ease with her. There was something about her...

She shook her head, red hair flying everywhere. "No. I mean. I know. Me too." Her eyes lifted to the ceiling and she took a deep breath before she spoke again. "I'm too. Parent first, surgeon second."

"Really? What specialty?"

"Trauma", she beamed, "You?"

"Plastics", he replied easily, "Just wrapped up my first year as chief."

An odd look crossed her face and for a moment he thought he'd ruined it all by bragging. Then she said: "That's- don't get me wrong, but you look far too young to be that far in your career."

She blushed a little, the fair skin that accompanied her red hair a dead give away. He'd rarely seen something quite so beautiful.

"Oh, yeah. It wasn't-" Jackson scratched the back of his head, a habit he often came back to when he was nervous. He couldn't exactly blurt to her about how his boss had died, but not really died, in a plane crash only to really, really die at the hospital a couple of months later. How he'd been promoted to chief just because he was there (and maybe because he owned some of the hospital, too) when no one else was. "It was a... coincidence. I got lucky."

In a way, he did. Losing his mentor was still not something that he considered lucky.

"Oh, I see...", she trailed off. Her left hand tucked some stray strands behind her ear. "I'm only starting my third year as attending... I mean if you keep counting after switching hospitals, that is."

"Oh? Where'd you come from?" A move would of course explain why she needed to change her child's kindergarten situation.

"The ProMedica in Toledo", she said shrugging. "It wasn't the best, but it was close to home, and that was just..." She waved her hands. "...easier with Levi and all."

"Levi?"

"My son", she told him with a tone in his voice he knew all to well from listening to himself talking about his son.

Jackson laughed again.

"What?"

"It's just... The irony hit me. I know what your son's name is, but I don't know yours."

She gasped, almost spilling her coffee over herself... or him, her hand jerked for only a second, though.

"I'm so sorry." To extend her hand for the customary shake she abandoned her cup, and he chose to follow her lead. "I'm April. April Kepner."

He prolonged the handshake until it was bordering on weirdly long. Her hands were soft, softer than you'd expect those of a trauma surgeon to be. "Jackson. Jackson Avery."

April's eyebrows shot up at that for a moment. If she recognized his name, however, she chose not to say anything. Something Jackson could add to his list of things to be thankful for tonight.

"So..."

"Jackson!" An arm fell onto his shoulders and rested there. "Making friends with the new mom?"

He felt awkward with Arizona standing so close to him, touching him like she did. April, after all, did not know that they were co-workers and friends, as well as parents of different children. As in: not a couple.

"Uhm... April Kepner, Arizona Robbins, Arizona, April", he introduced, purposefully putting April's name first, and stressing the fact that he and Arizona did not share a last name. Maybe the readhead would get the hint that they didn't share anything of that kind. Hopefully.

"Kepner, Kepner... That name rings a bell. Now if I only knew which one it is", Arizona mused.

"She's a trauma surgeon. Maybe you two have worked together before", Jackson suggested.

"Oh, you're both surgeons?"

 _Both?_ Jackson had to interfere. She was already putting them in the couple box. Nope, no, definitely not. Not happening.

"We work together. Arizona's in peds", he explained quickly.

At April's rather uncertain nod he added: "We're co-workers, colleagues, work at the same hospital. Yep, that's us." And that was as far as they'd ever come, but that remained unspoken.

"Ha! Surgery! That's it! You're the new trauma attending, aren't you? The one Hunt met in Jordan a couple of years ago?" Arizona beamed at her own memory.

April reacted in the same fashion. "You work at Sloan Grey Memorial?"

The peds surgeon nodded. "Jackson didn't tell you."

"No, he didn't."

"Well, Arizona, you kind of interrupted-"

"Shame on him. Now, April, you need to tell me everything about your time in Jordan. I need some dirt on Hunt..."

And just like that, Jackson found himself standing alone besides the refreshments cart, the only memory of April her abandoned cup that glittered lightly with the remains of her chapstick.

* * *

"Hey, April, wait up!"

Jackson caught up to her at the parking lot, just when she was about to leave. Somehow he continued to miss her throughout the evening, never getting another opportunity to talk to her again. Luckily, Arizona told him she 'loved' her, which made him aware of the fact that she'd left the building. Without giving it a second thought, he'd gathered his things and sprinted after her.

"Oh. Jackson, hey. What's up?" She seemed exhausted. Who wouldn't be after an evening of meeting so many new people?

Her question caught him off guard. Maybe he should have given this whole thing a second thought after all. Made a plan. Something like that.

"I... uh..."

She raised a single brow, and even then she looked beautiful. Jackson couldn't explain it, neither to her nor to himself, but somehow he was attracted to her. It was weird. Right after his son's birth he'd jumped back into the dating pool, but around last year it all died down. Nothing ever lasted longer than three dates. Besides work and raising an infant he just didn't have the time and energy anymore. And he'd felt fulfilled, happy with what he had. Yet, somehow he found himself inexplicably drawn to her. Wanting to know more and more about her.

He didn't say anything. She sighed.

"Look. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, I just didn't think you'd want to talk about it, so I thought-"

Jackson narrowed his eyes. He had no idea what she was talking about.

"What are you talking about?", he asked.

April shrugged. "You being an Avery. Why? What are you talking about?"

He laughed. He'd laughed so much with her this one evening. He rarely ever laughed so much, only with his son.

"What?", she demanded, apparently annoyed.

"Nothing", he told her, "nothing."

They stood for a while. Just staring at each other. The air was chilly. Their breath formed little clouds into the dark of the black night. Her lips were slightly parted, so were his. As if they wanted to say something. Neither of them said anything. They just stared. Hazel meeting green, April meeting Jackson.

She shook her head, spell broken. "Look. I really need to go pick up Levi, so if there isn't anything urgent I'd prefer to-"

Levi! Of course!

"Actually, I wanted to invite you."

"Invite me?", she almost squeaked.

"Levi and you", he clarified, "To Casper's birthday party. It's on January 17th, Saturday. Nothing big, just a few friends coming over and kids playing games... I don't know, he's only turning four, so I didn't want to go overboard... Okay, I think I should shut up now."

April smiled as he rambled. He wish he could read her expression.

"I'd love to."

"Really?", he asked in a surprised tone. As soon as he heard himself say it he could have slapped himself for it. After all, it wasn't like he'd just asked her out. He'd invited her son to a birthday party that given their children's ages would have to be attended by their parents, too. It was quite reasonable, actually.

"Yes. It's not I've got anything planned and I would love for Levi to make some new friends", her tone wavered a little at that. Or maybe Jackson just imagined that. He didn't really care anyway. They were coming to the party.

"That's... great."

Again, they stood in silence. Barely a few feet away from each other. If one of them had wanted to they could have reached each other in a matter of seconds. Yet neither of them moved.

"Jackson?"

"Hm?"

"I really have to go now."

He felt himself blushing. Despite knowing full well she wouldn't see even a hint of embarrassment in the dark he still averted his gaze. He'd been staring far too long and far too intently anyway. "Oh, yeah. Of course..."

"It was really nice of you to invite us", she added, still not moving.

"Yeah, no bother. That's what co-workers are for, right?" _Co-workers? Seriously, Avery?_

April grinned, never noticing how he beat himself up about this. Or just hiding her reaction very well. "Goodnight, Jackson."

"Goodnight, April. I'll see you at the party then?"

She hesitated before closing the door of her car. "So you're not coming in for work before that?"

"Work? Oh... oh, of course."

His co-worker laughed at his sheepishness, and damn was that a musical laugh. "Goodnight, Jackson", she repeated shaking her head before closing the door and starting the car.

Jackson stood in the parking lot, in the cold of the night, his breath forming little clouds as he watched her drive away.


	2. January 17th 2015

**January 17th 2015, Saturday.**

* * *

"But daaaaaaad. It's my birthday."

Jackson sighed. It's nothing he needed to be reminded of right now. The decorations he spent hours crafting in the past few weeks, and hours arranging and putting up the previous nights served as a reminder of their own. He knew.

"I know, buddy, but that's not an excuse for you not to wear pants. If anything, it is all the more reason to wear them", he pleaded with his son.

The newly four-year-old shook his head. "Nu-uh."

"Cas... you wear pants to kindergarten everyday. You know you have to wear them."

"Not on my birthday, silly dad."

"Hey, who are you calling silly?" Jackson went in for a tickle fight, which drew a high pitched giggle from the toddler... could you still call your child a toddler at age four? He'd have to look it up later. Or ask his mom. Something. He'd figure it out, as he usually did when it came to the subjects connected to raising a child.

Their playful fight was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Rather than crawling all the way over to the entrance from his position on the floor, Jackson rose to his feet. His watch told him it was 14.59, one minute before the official start of the party. It was probably his mom. None of the parents of his son's invitees had shown a tendency for punctuality in the past.

"Put on your pants while I open the door. You don't want grandma to see you in your undies, do you?"

The reply he received – arms crossed in front of chest (at least that was covered by a t-shirt) – was far from satisfying, but there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe his mom would have a better approach to the whole situation in the end. She often did. Jackson walked on to open the door without taking a look back.

When he opened the door, though, it wasn't his mom waiting outside. Suddenly, he really hoped he'd find a kid in pants when he returned to the living room.

"April", he said, dumbfounded.

"Hi, Jackson", she replied, unfazed.

His brain was spinning for some clever line he could greet her with, but he came up empty. All he could think about was that whatever impression she'd gained of him during lunch last week would probably be destroyed by the impression of him being a bad parent who couldn't get his own son to put on pants.

"Can we come in?"

She looked a bit confused after seconds passed without anything happening. Then, completely out of the blue, she did the unthinkable: she leaned in towards him, and his heart skipped a beat, and she whispered directly into his ear, the closeness making the hairs at his neck stand up:

"I would hate to be rude, but someone really needs to go potty."

Well. That was not what Jackson had expected. But then: what did he expect? This wasn't his birthday after all (or his day dream, while we're at it). Honeymoon's over. Not that there had been any honeymoons in his life to talk about, like – ever.

He'd totally forgotten about Levi, too. The kid looked a lot like April with his red hair and fair complexion. He had different eyes, though, darker than hers, almost black. In contrast to his mother's cheerful smiley face he appeared to be uncomfortable, his lips pressed tightly together. But that might have just been his "I've gotta go potty" - face.

"Oh... of course... hi, Levi."

Slightly embarrassed, Jackson stepped aside to let the two of them in. "The second door on the left."

"That's great, thanks. But I think we should say hi to Casper first. It's his birthday after all."

"That... uh... won't be necessary", Jackson argued gently, thinking about little boy pants and their wherabouts. "He won't mind and... you know when they have to go, you should... go? That's what the relevant books say, anyway, and Arizona, so I guess it's true. She knows that stuff."

April nodded slowly. Her face twitched a little, Jackson suspected the suppression of a raised eyebrow. Whatever it was she didn't let it show. "Okay. Thanks." She turned towards her son. "Come on then, sweetie, let's go."

Jackson stared after them for a moment before he came back to his senses and the task at hand. To his dismay he found Casper where he'd left him. Correction: not exactly where he'd left him, but sitting on the sofa, arms crossed in front of his chest, still pant-less.

"We still haven't changed our mind, I see?"

"Why ours? I'm only me."

Casper shook his head, Jackson sighed.

Sometimes he had to remind himself that he was talking to a child (his child). He'd never been good at the baby talk, never indulged in it. Even when all Casper did was scream and babble, Jackson made sure to talk to him as he would to an adult. Especially since when he tried getting on his son's level it usually failed, just like right now.

"Casper Norbert Avery, you will wear pants to your birthday party, or there won't be any party at all", Jackson told him sternly. Sometimes that helped.

"Silly dad. Guests already here."

"Yes, there _are_ already guests here. Thank you, I'm aware. That doesn't make me silly and I don't appreciate the name calling." More like hated it. But he wasn't going to ground his son on his birthday. Not unless he'd branch out to worse words like stupid. "If you don't put your pants on this instant, I will just send them home."

"No, you willn't, daddy", Casper disagreed, his arms still in their defensive crossed position. "I heard you say 'Hi, April'. That's the girl you like. Auntie Zona sayed."

He couldn't breathe. When did his son become so attentive? He made a mental note for no more chit chat with Arizona with supposedly asleep children in their arms. Afraid April might have heard them, he spun around and peeked into the hallway through the open door. Luckily, their only current guests seemed to still be busy with their bathroom task.

"I don't know why Arizona said that. And I will most definitely send April and Levi home if you don't put on your pants."

"This's okay. I'll still get presents?"

It shocked Jackson. He knew children Casper's age had a tendency for materialism. And it wasn't like he refrained from the occasional toy when they went to the mall together. Still, he hadn't suspected his son to harbor so much interest in the gifts, and so little in the actual party and guests.

"Casper Norbert Avery-"

* * *

"Hey you guys", April's voice cut in before whatever could have happened happened. To be honest, Jackson was kind of relieved, embarrassed too, but mostly relieved. He hadn't had a plan on what to say, and arguments he didn't think through before picking them usually ended badly for both of them. A child without pants was still better than a crying child. Probably. Hopefully. "Hi, Casper. You look really handsome in your... hey, where did your pants go?"

Jackson wanted to shrivel up with shame. What he wanted to avoid had happened within five minutes of April arriving at the party. Now she'd consider him a bad dad, and to single parents those things were real deal breakers. She would stay at the party for Levi, of course. After that he'd have to pine away from the side of gurneys of burn victims and basketball players who broke their nose on the hoop...

"I don't like pants", Casper explained feeling none of the shame his father was, and April...

April nodded. She nodded with a serious expression on her face. There was no embarrassed smile at Jackson, no "I'm a bit thirsty. I'll just head into the kitchen if that's alright.", no faked page. In fact, she didn't seem to give Jackson a second thought at all. Maybe this was not as bad as he thought it was... or maybe it was worse.

"Okay. You know what, Casper? Because it's your birthday I'll let you in on a little secret. Do you wanna know?", April told the birthday boy as she sat down on the couch.

The response was as immediate as it was intense. Jackson actually feared his son might get himself concussed by nodding this hard. But he got it. He wanted to know April's secrets. He wanted to know a lot of April's secrets, however, that wasn't discussion material for his son's birthday party.

Unfortunately, the secret was shared by a whisper so there was no chance for Jackson to listen in on it. Whatever _it_ was it seemed to impress Casper greatly. His eyes were huge as he pulled back staring at April.

"Really?"

Again, April just nodded, her expression still serious, although there was a slight smile playing across her lips. "Really. And I promise I'll make your daddy consider it – only if you put on your pants for the party, though."

As an atheist Jackson had no problem calling her a miracle worker. What he couldn't accomplish the whole day, April had just accomplished with a few sentences. He watched, amazed, as his son's put on his trousers without any further complaints. She continued to surprise him.

But then she was a mother of a child almost Casper's age that had appeared to the party in pants – harem pants with little foxes printed all over them, he might add, that perfectly matched the rest of an outfit that looked both cute and comfortable – so she'd probably have one or the other trick up her sleeve.

The next thing Jackson knew they were alone. Him and April. April and him. Together alone in his living room. He wondered briefly where the kids had gone off to, then he remembered that wherever it was April hadn't interfered so it couldn't be that bad.

Talking about April, she was smiling. At him. That was a nice sight.

"Thanks for that. You're a life saver. My mom would have chewed off my ear about this", he said, remembering he hadn't appreciated her actions with words yet.

She shrugged it off, and when she scrunched up her nose her sole dimple showed. "No bother. Don't thank me too early, though. I kind of promised him you'd agree with what I suggested, and you haven't even heard it yet."

Right. The juicy secret.

Whatever. Jackson couldn't think of anything she might have said he wouldn't agree with anyway. If it got Casper into his pants, that was fine with him. That was, if she didn't offer money. He did not appreciate encouraging Casper's current materialistic instincts (normal for a single child of his age, the relevant works assured). Just because they didn't have to worry about the money he didn't want his child to not value it at all.

"So... what did you tell him?", Jackson asked in what he hoped to be a nonchalant tone.

For a split second, April bit her lower lip, and then she blinked – batted her eyelashes more like. At this point, he'd probably agree to everything from building Casper a tree house from scratch to running away together this very instant.

Nooooooo. They were not there yet. Neither the running away thing (he didn't even know whether she was available for crying out loud), nor the tree house (with Casper's recent tendency to jump off everything that could be jumped off, Jackson couldn't see a happy ending to this story).

But she didn't suggest running away. Or a tree house. She suggested "no-pants-day".

* * *

He blinked. "No pants day?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It's a whole day where you stay at home without pants."

"No pants?", he repeated.

"Well, underpants, obviously. I mean... it would get cold, I guess..." She blushed.

Jackson raised an eyebrow. The whole concept was so absurd to him he didn't even think about April's last comment. "No pants day. That's a thing?"

"Uhm... we do it once in a while", she admitted, her blush obvious now.

"You spend the whole day at your house dressed only in your underwear?"

"Don't be silly", she shook her head, but grinned regardless. Again with the lip biting. "We wear shirts. Just no pants."

Instead of letting his mind slip away to April spending the day at her house dressed only in her underwear and a shirt that probably ended above her legs Jackson tried to remain focus on the fact that they were at his _son's birthday_ party and she was giving him _a_ head _'s up about parenting_. You could say he was relatively successful in conquering his mind.

"So... that helps?"

She shrugged. "Even if it didn't it's a good excuse for spending a rain day at home. And not to wear pants." Did she need to remind him? "It helps, though. Sometimes it's easier to know when something broadly considered inappropriate is allowed than when it's forbidden." She most certainly didn't need to remind him.

"Makes sense", Jackson agreed, smiling.

And for a while that's how they remained. Simply smiling at one another. He didn't mind. April had a beautiful smile, he loved seeing her smile. Even when she smiled behind an OR mask she'd still get those beautiful little smile lines, and she'd just share her happiness with everyone. He hoped that next time he would be in the OR when it happened, not just listening to Arizona gushing about it. If he didn't know better about Arizona knowing better he might have thought she was actually crushing on the new trauma surgeon in town (literally, in both counts).

* * *

Then the doorbell rang again, the kids shrieked, his mother was at the door criticizing his every decision regarding the party, more people came, the cake was cut, presents were opened, games were played, parents talked, goodie bags were filled, dinner had to be prepared under the ever so critical gaze of his mother (maybe he should have invited Webber after all, just to distract her), dinner was eaten, people filed out, goodbyes were said, families left, and there they were again, at the door.

"So... that was nice", she said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah. Went much better than I anticipated, to be honest", Jackson admitted. They shared a laugh. Score.

"Levi wearing himself out is definitely a bonus", she went on easily, her head nodding towards the child sleeping on her shoulder. "I feel like I've read _The complete adventures of curious George_ so often they are basically my adventures."

They shared another laugh. He was _loving_ it. Although they hadn't spent a lot of time together today, or at all for that matter, it seemed like they could easily get back to talking without any awkwardness. A quality he valued. He didn't have the time nor the nerve to work through the awkwardness. Besides, awkward was definitely not among the adjectives he liked to apply to his relationships... and friendships. Like, relationship in general.

"Well thanks for helping with the dishes. That saved me another night shift." He wouldn't have made her, wouldn't have let her. But she'd been so insistent on the offer, and – who was he kidding – he couldn't possibly say no to her.

April shrugged with one shoulder as not to startle Levi. "Not a problem. I wanted to."

"Still", he said. "Thanks."

And there it was again: silence. Jackson's mind was running a hundred miles an hour trying to come up with some topic to get her to stay just a few minutes longer... and again, she outdid him.

"I... I guess we'll get going, though." His heart sunk. She sounded uncomfortable. He'd ruined it. Worst thing about it was he didn't even know what he'd done wrong.

"Okay."

Although Jackson tried to keep his voice neutral it obviously didn't hide how he was feeling about his failure. April's slight smile died on her face, and she worried her lower lip for a moment. Taking a deep breath in Jackson braced himself for the 'it's not me, it's you'-speech, the 'the timing'-talk, the dreaded two (or three? Maybe he should have paid more attention in his linguistics class) words 'I'm married'.

None of it followed.

"It's just Levi's getting heavy."

At least Jackson managed not to release the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding audibly. He nodded, maybe a bit too much. "Oh, yeah, of course. They used to be so small, right?"

April sighed, audibly. "I used to carry him around for hours on end without it being a problem. Now it's just... they're growing so fast and-"

When she stopped mid-sentence a look crossed her face. It was one Jackson hadn't seen on her, or anyone, really, and he could only guess what it was about. However guessing was quite unscientific, and thus he preferred not to do it. Since it only lasted for a second he might have even seen something that wasn't even there. A transition from one facial expression to another. Tiredness suddenly hitting after being kept at bay all week. There could be many reasons that did not include... whatever it was Jackson didn't bother guessing.

"True", he agreed instead, keeping the conversation on the kids, hence easy, hence what he needed to move forward with April. "When I first brought Cas home I didn't use the crib for like... days. It was just so comfortable to have him there."

"His mom was okay with that?", April asked, eyebrow raised.

Jackson shook his head, easily. "No, she wasn't ever involved."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You couldn't have known. Besides, some kids are better off with just one parent, don't you think?"

Truth be told he didn't know whether she thought that. Because just because Levi's father hadn't been at the parent teacher night, or to drop them off or collect them at the party, just because she never mentioned a husband, just because she said 'Levi and I' frequently when referring to her family, just because she hadn't exclusively stated her relationship status didn't mean it was single.

However, that partly rhetorical question was – unfortunately – not going to bring him closure on the subject, because April, with that strange look on her face and her eyes staring somewhere at the floor, replied: "I wouldn't know."

"Are your parents divorced?", Jackson asked.

"Uhm... No? I don't think they even believe in that. We're Christian. Like, really", she said. Her facial expression walked a fine line between annoyed and confused in Jackson's opinion, but she was looking at him again, so that was something.

"Oh? That's cool... I just... I thought you..."

"No. No, it was about... It was about Levi's dad." She sighed. On the other hand, Jackson had to stop himself from breaking out in a celebratory dance. After all, she could have a very busy, hardworking husband who spent so much time away from home she _felt_ like she was alone, but really wasn't.

"You don't have to tell me", Jackson told her, knowing this was what he had to tell her, but not really meaning it. He was dying to know. Literally, for all he knew. He'd never died. Squeezing this information out of April definitely was very trying.

She waved her hand before bringing it back under Levi's bum where she held him against her. "No, it's fine, it's just... I never got round to tell him."

"Tell him wha- oooooh." Tell him about the kid. Now, that was unexpected.

April shook her head. "I really shouldn't bother you with this."

"No, it's fine. Bother. I mean, if you want..."

But she didn't. The far away look was back again, her eyes avoiding him as she took a step back towards the door. He felt horrible for causing her to feel so uncomfortable. That had never been his intention. He-

"I really need to go. We'll both get a backache if I don't, and he's not good with pain", she told him hurriedly. Eager to get out. Damn.

He'd blown it. Arizona would smack his head for this, too. Especially if April chose to avoid their friend group in general after the awful evening of insensitive of questions at Avery's house. Or even: the awful evening of being subjected to insensitive questions at Avery's house after giving him legit parent advice, because he was clearly in over his head with his four-year-old.

"Yeah, of course", he said. Trying to mend the newly broken ties he added: "Do you need a ride?"

"No, thanks. We came by car. I didn't drink."

Great. So she would have this memory of him in full awareness. Forever. Just great.

"Sure... then..." That's when he realized seconds before he said something stupid that there was one way to save them. "The boys seemed to get along very well. Do you wanna set up a play date sometime?"

Sure enough she stopped dead in her tracks, turning around before she pushed down the handle and disappeared out of the door. "You think?"

It was fairy godmother worthy transformation. Happy April was back immediately.

"Yeah. Yeah, they hit it off." _They_ did.

"That's great. I was worried he'd miss all his friends from home. It's good for him to make new friends. I want that."

"Casper seems to like him."

"Well, Casper's a sweet kid... so does Thursday work for you?"

He thanked his lucky stars for yet another chance as he said: "Thursday sounds great."


	3. March 9th 2015

**March 9th 2015, Monday.  
**

* * *

As a doctor who had long said goodbye to the concept of a "weekend" Jackson didn't dislike Monday over every other day of the week. As a single father Jackson, who tried to squeeze in as much time with his son as possible, disliked Monday over every other day of the week because Monday meant that his son was at kindergarten instead of daycare where Jackson could easily pick him up to spend lunch together. Which meant Jackson wasn't having lunch with his son.

Monday to Friday Jackson picked his food silently, waited in line patiently while he let his eyes wander over the tables in the cafeteria in the hope of spotting someone to sit with, and then payed quietly. With Casper everything was an adventure – the pasta sauce that looked like alien blood, the grilled artichokes that ( _obviously, daddy_ ) were actually dinosaur brains, the sole banana in the fruit basket that was crooked because it was so lonely ( _like you, daddy, when I'm at grandma's and you get bored without me_ ). Without Casper Jackson stared down at his selection – a salad, a tuna sandwich and a blueberry soy yoghurt (or as Casper would call it no matter how often Jackson tried correcting him: _boobies moo hurt_ ) – and it was just that, boring food.

However, this Monday wasn't all that bad. From his place in the queue he'd spotted a familiar redhead, well two actually and an unfamiliar brunette, but his focus was on one of the familiar redheads sitting at one of the tables close to the window. She wasn't alone, that was unfortunate, but Jackson decided that sitting with her and the other two colleagues was still a huge upgrade from sitting all by himself. Never mind avoiding their table when there was more than one empty chair would definitely send the wrong signal. That was nothing he wanted to do right now even if it meant talking to Owen Hunt, with whom he regularly disagreed at recent board meetings.

Regarding his budding relationship with April, the past few weeks had been great for Jackson. Casper and Levi immediately hit it off at their first play date and next thing he knew Jackson was spending at least one afternoon a week with April and their sons. Which really meant the boys occupied themselves playing while the adults got the chance to talk over coffee, and one time even wine. They had transitioned from parents of children in the same class to parents of friends to friends that happened to have children who were friends easily. Although he'd occasionally let his mind wander Jackson found himself enjoying the friends status. April was smart, attentive, kind and downright hilarious (if she wanted to be). She always had something to talk about, and listening to her came naturally to Jackson. Her gift of making big facial expressions and wild gestures along with the exciting stories she had to tell did not only capture the boys' attention. Jackson had not laughed as much with a person his age since he lost his best friends in the shooting some years ago. He didn't know how much he'd missed it until he met April. Until he made a new, real friend.

The three surgeons (two, Jackson didn't know about the third one, had never seen him, might as well have been a doctor of a different specialty, looked too old for a resident, though) were deeply engaged in their talk when Jackson arrived at their table. To him it seemed like he might have taken his lunch anywhere else and they'd been none the wiser. But he wanted to sit with them, sit with her, and so he did.

"Yeah, your mom said", April just replied to whatever had been said before. "John's a sweetheart, by the way. I can't believe you didn't tell me about him before!"

"Evelyn's a lucky woman, that's for sure", the brunette stranger put in.

Owen cracked a grin but averted his gaze, scratched the back of his head. Apparently, they were talking about his mom. Weird. Who knew their co-worker's mom at their age (granted, his mom was well known among his colleagues but for obvious reasons)? "Well, to be honest I didn't really trust this to last..." Eventually the chief's eyes landed on Jackson. "Oh- hey, Avery."

"Hi", Jackson greeted with a polite smile. "Don't mind me. I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"Oh, it's no problem", Owen assured, "I'm not exactly into discussing my mom's love life."

"Oh my god stop!" A napkin April had supposedly playfully thrown, Jackson's focus had been elsewhere so he hadn't seen her throw it, landed on Owen's shoulder. "It wasn't like that. I was merely trying to get some more dirt on John. He seemed too good to be true."

Owen smirked. "Now whose love life are we discussing?"

April's chin dropped and her eyes widened as she stared at him. Jackson had no clue as to what was happening right now.

"Oh, shit. April... I didn't mean it like that."

They were staring at each other. It was as if a whole conversation transpired without them ever exchanging a word. Their time together in Jordan was common knowledge around Sloan Grey Memorial. The whole reason they had hired April in the first place was based solely on Hunt's recommendation. They had actually been looking for someone a bit further down their career, maybe fifth year attending... something like that. Hunt, however, had insisted upon _Dr. Kepner_ , whom they'd called the machine in Jordan because she worked so hard it made everyone want to work harder. Week after week the chief of trauma came back with his original suggestion, never changing his mind about it. In the end he convinced them all. And wasn't Jackson glad he did?

Yes, Jackson was, indeed, grateful that Hunt had brought April to Seattle. Whatever was happening right now, though, could only be described as upsetting April and that was something Jackson was not grateful for. If only he knew anything about April's love life he might have stepped in, but- he didn't. So all he could do was wait for it to go down, one way or another.

After a short while April closed her mouth and dropped her gaze to her tray (a half eaten sandwich, an untouched salad. Her voice was close to a whisper when she spoke again. "I know you didn't."

As she started picking at her food Jackson wished Casper would be there with him. That boy knew how to light up a room. Where he got it from remained unbeknownst to Jackson; it surely wasn't his mother. Sometimes, Jackson shared his son's talent, but I-don't-get-upset-whatever-happens-I'll-never-stop-smiling-April being upset caught him off guard. He'd never witnessed her anything but happy. Only whenever that far away look crossed her face which was something she usually recovered quickly from without any input from him. He didn't know what to do.

Someone else did. It was the stranger, who changed the topic.

"So... are you guys going to introduce us, or...?", he asked, leaving the question hanging.

April's cheek flushed with embarrassment. Solely for the fact that the brunette had made her feel flustered Jackson already resented him. "Oh, of course, sorry... Nathan Riggs, Jackson Avery. Jackson, Nathan. Cardiothoracic, Plastics."

The fact that April introduced Nathan first added to Jackson's growing list of dislikes. Of course, his specialty being the one Jackson was always supposed to choose (and ended up resenting just a little bit) didn't help either. As they shook hands he noted how smooth those of the newbie were. Another point. Oh, and his smile was way too toothey (something Casper had most accurately termed a little red riding hood wolf's smile, albeit in regard to another person that smiled with too much teeth). Another point.

"Nice to meet you", Jackson said in contradiction to his five-point-dislike-list.

"You too, Avery", Nathan replied easily, the toothey smile still on display.

Jackson decided to get revenge for April by flustering Nathan with questions. "So, you're new? I haven't seen you around here before." He left his position on the board unsaid, knowing well for it to be a card not to be played in front of Hunt.

The brunette cardiothoracic (didn't they have enough of these anyway?) surgeon nodded. "Yep. My first shift actually starts in two hours, but I thought it would be fun to catch up with these two."

"You know each other?"

"Spent a whole year on service together", Riggs confirmed. Jackson was slightly annoyed by him. Couldn't that guy speak in full sentences? He added another point for the ellipses and another one just because. (Oh and one because Riggs seemed to assume he was a better friend to April than Jackson since they spent a year serving in the military together. Unacceptable.)

If it hadn't been for April's obvious excitement Jackson would have temporarily disfigured his pretty face with a frown. However, her cheeks had returned to their normal color and she was nodding enthusiastically. Jackson couldn't stop smiling along with her.

"One of the best years of my life", she praised.

Both men nodded.

"We did some great things over there", Hunt confirmed.

"Thanks to Keps pushing us whenever we wanted to crap out", Riggs put in, which earned him a nudge from April's slender elbow. And a point on Jackson's list ( _Keps_? Seriously?).

"They're exaggerating", she told him, "We went over there for a reason, a purpose. Not to get sunburned during afternoon naps." She rolled her eyes and that was a sight so beautiful Jackson almost considered taking a point of Riggs' list since he'd caused her to do it. Almost.

"Ha! Only Owen and you ever got sunburned. I got tan", Riggs boasted. Ginger shaming? That had to be at least five points.

"Ginger and proud", April shrugged. "And just because your bikini lines stood out against tan skin didn't make them any better than ours."

Riggs shot Jackson a serious look, no teeth and all, when he told him: "I only wore a bikini once, I swear. I'm the normal guy here. Those two are the real weirdos. I mean, they chose trauma as their specialty! Only crazy people do that."

A napkin crashed against his temple.

"Stop throwing napkins, Keps. That's unladylike... ew. Did you use that one?"

Jackson didn't listen to the reply. His focus had shifted from one ginger to the other.

He thought about genes. He thought about gingers and how they didn't get tan. He thought about fair skin and dark eyes. He thought about the way freckles sometimes only showed in the sun. He thought about a year abroad. He thought about forty weeks.

"So you've known each other since...?", he asked.

"2009? June or something? Keps joined first, Owen and I were somewhere else before...", Riggs trailed off with a weird look on his face, his eyes wandering towards the window. Hunt and April both followed his gaze. Maybe that was a military thing.

Not that it mattered. Jackson had all the information he needed. Well. Almost all of it. "And you stayed for a year, too? April said she stayed for two, so..."

"Yeah, no, well. I left with Keps in 2010... May, I think?"

April, whose skin was now the opposite of flushed and disconcertingly so, nodded, her eyes fixed on a spot on the table. There was nothing to be seen there. Not even a balled up napkin.

"Owen stayed behind, he... wasn't quite ready to go back to Seattle."

Whatever that meant Jackson was left to wonder, because Owen rose from his seat, gathered his tray and announced: "I better head back down to the pit, actually. It's gonna be a madhouse with both of us upstairs..."

The only woman at the table blinked furiously as she processed the information, then, much to Jackson's dismay, she started rising from the table as well. "I probably should go, too, I..."

A hand on her shoulder stopped her right there and then. It wasn't Jackson's.

"April, your lunch break isn't over yet", Hunt told her. There was something about his tone and the way his hand lingered on the younger doctor's shoulder that Jackson didn't like a lot. Or at all, really. Although he totally agreed with what Hunt was trying to convince her of, he wished the older man had done it in another way. Any. Other. Way.

"I don't mind", April muttered almost too quietly to even be heard. She really loved her job, one of the qualities Jackson lov-liked about her, so it was probably true, not just a phrase.

"I know you don't. But you should take it." They looked into each other's eyes, blue meeting hazel. It was almost too intimate to be watched. Jackson couldn't take his eyes off them. April bit her lower lip and Hunt squeezed her shoulder, then she sat down and he left.

A napkin rolled over the table, slowly. Riggs shook his head. "Damn, Keps, and here I was thinking you'd outgrown the whole workaholic thing."

Well, that was one way to paraphrase ' _I love my job_ '.

Despite the addition of another five points to Jackson's list, April smiled. Probably because she possessed no knowledge of the list (and she never would if he had his way).

"And here I was thinking you'd outgrown the whole pregnancy food thing. Frosted fries with carbonara sauce and pickles? That's gross, Nathan Riggs, even for you", she countered. "Where did you even get these from?"

"You can get _everything_ in this cafeteria if you ask nicely."

April scrunched up her nose, which was an expression of disgust, or cute depending on whom you asked (Jackson would have voted for the latter)."Ugh, way too much information. How long have you been here for anyway? An hour?"

Jackson picked at his salad, suddenly not so hungry anymore. He opened his yoghurt and thought about how different this lunch break would have been had his son been with him.

"You gotta get acquainted quickly. Soon I'll be working surgery after surgery, no time to work my charm on the staff then", Riggs explained.

The guy seemed so full of himself, Jackson was sure just listening to him did him physical harm. How April could like him, consider him a 'good old friend' was a mystery to him. The only possible explanation in Jackson's eyes was the lack of other people to hang with in Jordan. Convenience, he supposed, friends by fate.

Now that was something April believed in. Probably. Sunday play dates were restricted to afternoon time since she and Levi always spent the morning at church. However, that was about all he knew concerning her beliefs. So, supposing she believed in fate was a bit of a stretch. As a reason for her strange friend, Jackson would take it.

"I don't know why you're being such an ass today", April told her strange friend in disbelief. "Do you really want Jackson to turn away every case that involves plastics with you in the future? I mean, he's like the best plastic's guy in this hospital."

Jackson beamed at the compliment. When they met up at their places for play dates (Well, _his_ house, because it was bigger and closer to the hospital, and it had a backyard for the boys to play in, even if that didn't get used a lot given it was still only March, and anyway- what's the big deal about only spending time at one of their places?) they usually didn't discuss work. This must have been the first time she gave him feedback in the two months they'd worked together. Considering its nature and the fact it was coming from her he'd take it any day.

"And he's a really good friend", she added just as he thought it couldn't get any better.

She liked him. She liked his kid. She liked his work. Basically, she was perfect.

"Well, I'm not good at making friends", Riggs said, shrugging.

"Obviously", Jackson muttered under his breath. April, hearing him nonetheless, kicked his shin. She was trying to be gentle, he'd give her the benefit of the doubt, but failed miserably. He winced.

"Oh my god, Jackson, I'm so sorry! I wanted to kick Riggs!"

"Ouch", Riggs said.

Meanwhile, Jackson reached down to touch his shin. It was sensitive to his touch. Bruising was guaranteed.

"It's fine", he promised April, who seemed really distraught by her own violent action.

"That was horrible, I'm so sorry... Let me make it up to you."

He knew many ways for her to do that.

"You don't have to, but if you insist...", he tried to find something relatively innocent to ask of her, "Can you make that sheperd's pie next time you come over? Casper loved that."

"Casper? Is that your dog, Avery?", Riggs asked.

This time when April aimed for his shin, she got it.


	4. March 21st 2015

**March 21st 2015, Saturday.**

* * *

Jackson Avery was a man of many talents. Singing wasn't one of them. Therefore, as the last guest to Levi's birthday party arrived in April's already crowded flat and it was time for the song, Jackson faked a coughing attack so he could seek refuge in the kitchen for a glass of water.

" _Happy birthday to you..."_

Without much trouble he found a glass in the little blue kitchen and chose to go with water from the faucet. He relaxed against the counter as he sipped on his drink, never regretting for one second that he was missing out on that part of the party.

" _Happy birthday to you..."_

Well, okay, he felt a twinge of remorse for missing his first chance of hearing April Oh-I-don't sing-a-lot-I'm-just-first-soprano-at-church sing. However, he was positive that he could have Casper talk her into singing them a goodnight song at the boys' first sleepover (already scheduled for April, the month, because April, not the month, and Levi had a lot of work in church coming up until Easter; yes, both of them; it was some family thing or something). So his remorse wasn't that bad. It was almost nothing compared to the hate he harbored for singing with a passion.

" _Happy birthday dear Levi..."_

The children's delight was obvious in their tiny, overexcited voices. At least one of them had lost pitch over the song of choice.

" _Happy birthday to you_."

Everybody clapped. This was Jackson's cue to rejoin the party. He finished his glass, washed it up and put it next to the sink to dry. With so many little children - yes, six was already many at their age - he couldn't be sure that his glass would be left untouched in his absence. And although his cough had been a definite fake, his throat did feel a little raspy today. Sick children were the worst. He wouldn't wish that on anyone.

The living room was still pretty much overflowing when Jackson returned. As his eyes wandered over the little happy colorful figures seated around the coffee table he had to admit that throwing a brunch birthday party might have been one of the most genius ideas April had ever had. Since he knew her, anyway.

This morning he'd learned that there was close to nothing that made his four-year-old as happy as being invited to a party where he could wear his pajamas. Save for no pants day, of course.

Gathered around a table with all kinds of breakfast food the five children Levi had invited plus the boy of the hour himself were a sight to behold. One was cuter than the other. It was downright adorable. He snapped a picture and send it to his mom knowing she'd adore it.

None of the adults had joined in on the fun under-dressing, although the invitation stated they could if they wanted to. April had anticipated this when she gave them the invitation saying it was merely a formality, but the kids in pajamas was obligatory. "They'll love it", she'd promised. Judging by the cheery crowd in her living room she'd been absolutely right.

Jackson's dilemma was not the same of the parents who feared being under-dressed at the party of a four-year-old. Neither did he share the dilemma of the parents who were working later and therefore could not wear pajamas. No. He had his very own dilemma between wanting to wear pajamas and not wearing them, and that was just that: he didn't wear pajamas. Like. Never. For him it was either boxers or just nothing at all (those nights he was glad he'd established a _knock before you enter_ rule with Casper). He couldn't wear pajamas to the brunch party, because he didn't have any.

* * *

"Kepner sure knows how to throw a good children's celebration", a familiar voice pulled Jackson from his thoughts, "It'll be hard to top this one."

"Torres? What are you doing here?"

Seeing the orthopedic surgeon at Levi's birthday party took Jackson by surprise. As far as he knew Callie and April didn't work a lot together since Dr. Dan Miller, orthopedic attending most ordinary, volunteered to take most of April's orthopedic cases lately. For obvious reasons, if you asked Jackson. April, on the other hand, was helplessly oblivious. Or she didn't care. In any case the competition made Jackson a bit apprehensive about not asking April out properly any sooner. But he also wanted to be patient and wait for her to give him a clear sign... talking dilemmas!

Callie rolled her eyes. "Sofia's the same age as Levi."

"Oh, yeah... right." Jackson scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. He'd never forgot his mentor's plan to set up Casper and Sofia when they were thirty, "because she won't be allowed to date any earlier than that". Sloan never even asked Jackson's opinion concerning the matter.

"You've really got your head in the clouds these days, Avery", Callie called him out shaking her head. "Something on your mind?"

More like _someone_. But that really wasn't something he wanted to discuss with Callie, whom he respected a bit too much for his own good. She could come off strong and had done so regarding him (as well as his position on the board) in the past. Their only connection except for work had been Mark and now that he was gone... Jackson never really knew what to talk about with her. Certainly not his possibly unrequited feelings for the new trauma surgeon who happened to be her wife's most recent girl crush.

"Uh... nothing. Just work and stuff."

"Yeah, sure." It was obvious she wasn't buying it.

"So... Arizona didn't want to come?", he asked trying desperately to change the topic. There was nothing, except surgery, Torres loved talking more about than her family. Well, as far as he knew. It wasn't like they were friends or anything like that.

Scrunching up her face in confusion Callie shook her head. "She's right over there talking to April."

When he turned around her claim was confirmed. The two of them were standing near the kids' table both nursing a glass of orange juice, deeply engaged in conversation. They'd really hit it off good. Apparently differences really could make up a friendship. Not that he'd remember.

"Really, Avery, what's the matter with you?", the orthopedic surgeon pushed and probably rightfully so. After all Jackson was giving her little inkling to believe he was doing alright.

He tried shrugging it off. "I honestly don't know."

It seemed to convince her or something, at least she didn't ask again. She simply said: "Well, whatever it is you really should talk to someone about it."

"I know", he admitted sadly. In the past he might have- no, check that - would have talked about it to his best friends. Charles and Reed. His Mercy West forever gang. Both weirdos, but he liked them, and most importantly they liked him. And they liked him for him, not for his name. They were his best friends.

The best friends who supported him through everything since their first year of internship. His best friends who cleared out the storeroom in their flat and turned it into a tiny but cute nursery after he told them he was going to raise his child by himself. Best friends who stayed up for late night changes. Reed who was shot for getting stuff from the supply closet at the worst time possible. Charles who bled out so far away from the woman he loved and he never got the chance to tell about his feelings.

His best friends. He would have talked to them about April, introduced her to them even. Reed probably would have found her annoying and endearing both to an extent. As for Charles, the only people he didn't appreciate were the shallow and snobbish ones. He would have liked her.

Jackson would have complained to Charles about not knowing how to make a move, although Charles would, frankly, have been the worst person to give him advice on that since he never made a move either. Then Jackson would have turned to Reed begging her to dig some information out of April and she would have done it, no questions asked. And then, given that everything went according to plan, Jackson would have taken April out on a date leaving Casper with Charles and Reed for the night, both because they were the most trustworthy to watch him and so he could dish to them about how it went after. That's what it would have been like had Jackson's friends still been alive.

But they weren't. They were dead. And although he was grateful for surviving the shooting himself – he had a child to raise after all -, Jackson never completely worked through it. Somehow it left him a little bit broken. He found some kind of a friend in Mark Sloan, but then he died and that was that. Since that? No new friends, only acquaintances. No one to truly honestly talk to. Until April. But. Talking to April about April? That wouldn't work.

Maybe taking Callie up on her offer wasn't such a bad idea. The way to April - given the getting to her via friends theory – was Arizona. The way to Arizona was Callie. Besides, Callie had been Sloan's best friend (and baby mommy, which was weird, but he was not gonna judge with his own situation and all). Your friend's friend is your friend, or whatever they say. He should give her a chance.

However when Jackson broke away from his thoughts to pour his heart out to Callie she was long gone. Instead he found himself in the company of an elderly woman holding a tray with food.

* * *

"Canapé?", she offered with a smile.

Dumbfounded, he took one. "Thank you, uh..."

"Evelyn", the woman replied.

Somehow Jackson felt like he had heard this name before, but he couldn't remember in what context. He just had to roll with it. Getting to know fellow parents couldn't ever hurt. He'd not seen her at kindergarten so she was probably someone April knew from church or maybe her _Mommy and Me Tai Chi_ class. Admittedly, Evelyn looked slightly too old to be a parent of a kindergartener. But then most of the parents in the class were older than Jackson and he didn't consider himself a particularly young parent at the age of 32.

"Nice to meet you", he said extending his hand and shaking hers when she took him up on the offer. "Jackson, Casper's dad."

"The adorable boy in the dinosaur pajamas?", she asked.

"That's him.", Jackson acknowledged proudly. "He's obsessed with those. Never should have taken him to the Burke."

Evelyn laughed, her eyes laughing with her. "Little boys get obsessed with the most ridiculous things, don't they?"

He nodded. "So you've got a boy too?"

She looked at him, puzzled, then laughed again. Something in the way she laughed this time made Jackson feel like he had just made a very silly mistake.

"I'm a bit old to have a four-year-old, don't you think?", she said once the laughing part was over.

Obviously she was, but that wasn't something he could say. Telling a woman she looks old was something his mother taught him never to even consider.

"I'm sorry. I just figured every parent comes with a kid...", he trailed off. Quite possibly he was only making things worse at this point anyway.

"I do belong to a child", Evelyn put in, which only confused him further. It must have shown on his face, because she added: "I'm Levi's grandma."

Evelyn. Owen's mom. Of course.

"Then you must be the family April told me about. She said she wanted to be closer to you, that's why she moved to Seattle."

"Yes, well. She's been in Ohio for most of his life now. I think Karen and Joe have spent enough nights babysitting while she was working. Now's our turn", Evelyn reasoned. "Besides I feel like I've already missed so much of him growing up. I want him close so I can pamper him whenever I want to."

It was Jackson's turn to laugh at this. "You sound just like my mom. In the best way possible."

"Grandma's are allowed to do that once in a while", she told him in a very mom-voice.

"Suppose so."

Jackson could hardly follow his own conversation. As usual his mind was already working on another topic. Namely, how did Owen's mom know of Levi, pamper Levi even, when April said she never got to tell Owen of his luck? If a woman confessed to Catherine Avery about a love child of Jackson's not only would he soon be informed of it; no, his mother would drag him to the child if she had to, she would make him raise and care for his child. She sure as hell wouldn't lie to him about it, go on secret birthday parties and make up excuses as to who the little boy that looked like him and just so happened to be at her house was.

So how on earth didn't Owen know about Levi?

There was only one way to find out, and it was going on a leap. Jackson chose to take the risk. He had to know what he was faced with before he made a move on April. There were children involved after all.

"So... do you know where Owen is?"

To Jackson's surprise Evelyn answered without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"Oh, he didn't want to come."

"He didn't want to come?", Jackson echoed incredulously.

So this man knew of his son, knew of his son's birthday, of his son's birthday party and decided to just not come? He couldn't believe this. In years of working side by side he would have never suspected Owen to be this kind of a guy. It was still hard to believe even when the evidence was right in front of him (or literally, not right in front of him since the redhead chose to be a no show).

"He isn't exactly into this kind of stuff. Never has been..."

Well, excuse you, Dr. Hunt, but that's called being a parent. At this point Jackson could hardly believe his ears. Who in his right mind would treat the gift that April and Levi clearly were like this? Abandoning them, uwilling to live with them even when they lived in the same city. Unwilling to show up for a few minutes of his own son's birthday...

"So he went to work. It's what all you doctors do, isn't it?" Evelyn smiled. Jackson couldn't return it.

"No. No, it's really not", he murmured under his breath. Work had to come after the child, always. Yes, he loved his job, but somebody else could do that for him. As a plastic surgeon he was replaceable; as a dad? Not so much.

"I'm sorry, Evelyn, but I'm afraid I'll have to go..."

* * *

He didn't wait for her reply, just headed over to the kitchen where Callie had gone off to judging by her piercing laughter.

"Hey, Torres?"

"What's up, Avery?"

"Someone paged me 911. Probably one of the scared interns, but just in case could you take Levi and drop him off at my mom's if I don't make it back in time? Arizona's got the address."

It wasn't hard to lie right now, because it was a white lie. Part of it was true, too. Arizona did have the address since they sometimes switched off with picking up their kids in cases of emergency.

"Yeah, no problem."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

Now that his first priority, the first priority every father should have if you asked him, was in the clear his next stop was April. After all he was ditching her party. Technically Levi's, who wouldn't mind as long as he let Casper stay, but really April's too. She'd poured her heart and soul into preparing it and making it worthwhile for everyone attending.

He found her where he last saw her, in the living room talking to Arizona.

"Sorry to interrupt", he apologized as he put a hand on her shoulder, "But I need to speak to you real quick."

"Uhm... sure", April agreed, then she raised an eyebrow, waiting.

It would have been easy to simply repeat his lie in front of Arizona, but somehow it wasn't.

"I... uhm-"

"I'll better check up on Callie for a minute. She'll probably be pissed I ditched her with all those parents she's never met before.", Arizona piped in. Jackson was glad she'd taken the hint. Now it was just April and him.

April and him and the six children crowded around the coffee table. Six children of that age could make a lot of noise. How April and Arizona had managed to maintain a conversation in that atmosphere transcended Jackson's horizon.

"So?"

"I have to go", he told her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Why? You're not on call." That was true. She made him change his shift, because it was "important for Casper" he'd be here. A part of him hoped she'd also been talking about herself in this statement.

Jackson's hand reached to scratch his neck in nervous habit. He stopped himself, but already knew that he'd given himself away. She was his friend. Maybe even his best one since there wasn't anyone else. She'd know. There was no point in lying.

"I'm going to go talk to Owen."

Obviously confused, she furrowed her brow. "Why?"

"Because... he's not here. He should be here. I'm going to get him."

"Jackson, that's sweet of you, but you really don't have to", she insisted.

"I want to."

"It isn't that big of a deal."

"It _is_."

April sighed. "Levi doesn't care whether he's here or not, neither do I."

"But you should. You should care. Or more importantly, he should", Jackson repeated.

He remembered his awe as he'd entered her hallway, overflowing with framed photographs and pictures. Most of them pictured Levi, some of them were drawn by Levi even, then there were April and Levi together and some other family members, but Jackson didn't think of those. He thought of the one with April and the three men, all four in camouflage. They were in a group hug, April in the middle. Then there were Riggs, Owen and some guy Jackson didn't know. Even though Owen had obviously hurt her and continued so by ignoring her like this she'd kept it. She'd put it on display for everyone to see. It hurt Jackson to know how she was repaid for her courage.

She shrugged. "It's just not his thing. I've accepted and moved on, and so should you."

For the second time during that morning Jackson couldn't believe his ears. What had Owen done to defeat April like this? She usually had a pedagogical notion behind everything concerning her son. Doing right by him was her purpose. Surely, her mom's advice that she cherished over every children's development book hadn't included giving up on the father of your child when he didn't care to be involved.

He shook his head. "April, I can't. I have to-"

Then she did it. He felt it.

"Please don't go", she requested in a voice barely audible against the tumult of the room, her eyes pleading with him.

In that moment with her eyes staring into his and her hands resting on his chest, with them all alone by themselves in a room full of people, he couldn't muster up the strength to refuse her, so he muttered: "Okay."

Her hands left him as suddenly as they'd appeared. "Great! We're doing games next! Hokey Pokey first."

More singing. What had he gotten himself into?


	5. April 11th 2015

**April 11th 2015, Saturday.  
**

* * *

"One Extra Large Cheese for $22 and one Complete Combo for $14, that's $36 total, sir."

Now that was a top notch mental calculation Jackson could not argue with. He handed the cheery pizza delivery girl two twenties and told her to keep the change. This earned him a toothy "thank you." Maybe she was related to Riggs. He'd have to ask April.

Speaking of April, she was just returning to the living room. Looking exhausted. In a way even Jackson had to call ungraceful, she let herself slump down onto the corner sofa with a sigh.

"That bad, huh?" he asked cheerfully, putting the boxes down on the coffee table before joining her on the couch.

"I think I need a glass of water, actually. Seems like five renditions of 'How do Dinosaurs say goodnight' will leave your throat quite dry," she elaborated, grabbing a few of the throw pillows to put behind her back.

Jackson rose immediately to get her a glass of water. "Sorry. Casper's just obsessed with-"

"- dinosaurs, I know. And I guess Levi will be after tonight, too. Thanks, Yolen and Teague." She received the water with a smile. "Thanks, Jackson."

Somehow her thanks to him appeared to be more sincere than the one she'd given the authors of the questionable bedtime story.

"You're very welcome. Thank you for relieving me of my bedtime story duties."

April raised her glass. "You're very welcome as well. At least it wasn't 'Green Eggs and Ham' for the hundredth time. That's Levi's favourite at the moment."

"So," Jackson said meaningfully. "Pizzas here, now all we need is a movie."

She shook her head, red hair flying. "Pizza and a movie. Maybe we should watch _17 again_. What we're doing here certainly feels like it."

He laughed while trying to picture her at seventeen. With her smile and smartness she must have been one of the more popular girls. Prom queen, maybe? Jackson himself had been relatively popular. Well he was pretty and he had the money. If they'd gone to school together, who knows, perhaps they would have been an item. He tried imagining taking her to prom. Her hair all curled, delicate earrings on her ears and a long necklace resting above the neckline of a flowing mid-length, lower-back cut-out dress. Colour co-ordinated to his tie, obviously. Her shining eyes would reflect the light as he encircled her wrist with a corsage of wildflowers...

"But that's too cheesy," she declared with the urgency and certainty her voice carried whenever she made a decision in the Operating or Emergency Rooms.

For a moment he thought she'd read his mind and commented on her findings. A few weeks back, after she'd MacGyvered her way through a dinner party at the Sheperds, one that she basically ended up hosting herself, he was convinced of her superpowers. No one could be that good of a cook and a doctor. That's why the people on Masterchef are never surgeons. However, April, as a very drunk Arizona assured everyone who wanted to hear it, multiple times over, during that meaningful dinner – and those that didn't want to as well – would ace it. Apparently the paediatric surgeon was quite the expert on the subject. She once had a friend who had a friend who had a colleague who went to the first round of Masterchef but sadly never made it in the final cut.

"I want to watch a real movie on my first night off since March," April added.

Jackson nodded. Of course, this made much more sense than her reading his mind. He should have known. But, he figured, just because she didn't do it right then, didn't mean she wasn't capable of it later.

"I've got Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime. Knock yourself out."

She raised an eyebrow. "All three? Wow."

He shrugged. "Go big or go home."

She wore a broad grin, adding "I don't know that movie."

In a friendly manner he rolled his eyes and nudged her shoulder while she giggled before returning her attention to the task of movie selection. They were comfortable around each other. Sweetly, domestically so. The question of whether this was a good or bad thing was still awaiting judgment from all parties involved. However, even without a label – especially without a label – Jackson would take it.

April's brows were knitted in concentration as she looked at the red and black genre list. "Mhm... I'm thinking either a really horrible movie we can laugh at, or a thriller?"

"You really are an adrenaline junkie, huh?"

"Choosing trauma wasn't a coincidence," she informed him with a serious nod. She was endearing when she was serious. Endearing and kinda hot. And yes, both simultaneously was indeed possible. It was all about those superpowers.

"So…Sharknado?"

"Oh my god, no." Her refusal was as prompt as seemingly irrevocable.

"What? Did somebody tell you something bad about it?"

Of course, there was a lot bad about a series that was based on the concept of sharks not only surviving in a tornado, but said tornado dropping them out randomly, landing headfirst on humans and devouring them brutally rather than efficiently. The movies were hilarious. Because of how bad they were and not despite it. He'd almost suffocated from breathing in a peanut flip when watching the first one with friends.

The reviews, ranking from "I'm offended as my own family perished in the Orlando Sharknado of 2008" to "As a marine biology professor I'm delighted to finally find a movie depicting the life of sharks so accurately" were almost as hilarious, if not more so. Since April was looking for a good laugh, this was the one.

"No, it's just..." She bit her lower lip. A gesture he considered far more deadly than flying sharks. "I've seen them all and I want to see something new."

Could she get any more perfect? Probably not.

With a smile on his face Jackson browsed through the libraries. "That one?" he'd ask occasionally. He didn't mind re-watching something he knew was good. Tonight served the purpose of April having a good time, after all. His own mood would follow wherever she led, so pleasing her had to be his first priority. And by that he totally only meant choosing a good movie. Only that. Yep.

It turned out that April knew most of the movies he had given a thumbs up to.

"I don't get out much," she confessed with a tiny blush, her eyes avoiding his. "Not since Levi. I...I mostly stay at home. And sometimes I'm just too exhausted to read a book so..."

In an attempt to keep him from seeing her reddened cheeks, probably, or to cool herself down a little, she took a sip of her water. Educated guesses, actually. Who was he to know? Between the two of them he was the least likely to be a mind reader.

"Hey. I get you," Jackson promised, his hand covering hers for a brief moment, then squeezing it. That was still considered friend-level intimacy, right? Because that's what they were. Friends. No matter what Arizona said about, and he paraphrased, 'the two of you'. No matter how they usually hugged for longer than the culturally appropriate 3.5 seconds. And in the first place considering that he was hugging a member of the opposite sex he was not intimate with and who he in no way was related to. No matter too, that they were spending most of their free time together and just so happened to share a lot of OR time. They were friends. "I watched all seasons of House one week when Casper had the chickenpox."

April giggled then, relaxing. She didn't even move her hand. "It's not Lupus," she quoted.

"It's more likely to be Varicella, to be honest," he contributed.

"I've never even had the Chicken Pox," April shared.

"Really?"

She shook her head no. Obviously answering in the negative to the original statement and not to his prodding confirmation. "My sisters all had it while I was at church camp so I never got it. I only ever got what my sisters got. It's like a law for families with many siblings." Her shoulders raised and fell in a careless shrug.

He returned a shrug of his own. "Single child. Wouldn't know."

"Yeah, right. I keep forgetting you are."

"Really? Why?"

"Dunno. You just don't seem the type I guess."

"There's a type?" he asked, stunned. He'd never approached getting to know a person under the premise of how many siblings they had. It was whole new value system to him.

"Of course," April nodded.

Jackson bit his lower lip. Did April growing up with many sisters mean that she had a problem with single children? She couldn't have, could she? Her son was a single child after all.

"Don't worry. It's a good thing to be mistaken for a person with siblings," she assured him. "Means you come off as humble rather than spoiled."

The instant relief Jackson felt at the initial disadvantage he'd assumed he had, being an only child, which April then turned into a roundabout compliment, was somehow replaced with another emotion entirely. His train of thought came to an abrupt halt.

"You think the boys are spoiled?"

"Casper? I don't know. Levi? Yes, pretty much. It's mostly his grandparents fault, though. First grandson on one side of the family. First and only grandchild on the other."

As she talked her hands flew around in gestures accentuating her every word. Jackson loved that about her. Stories in motion. It seemed so... lively.

He nodded in understanding. "Same here. I mean. Casper's only got my mom and grandfather, but they've got the spoiling area pretty well covered between the two of them."

"Yeah, he told me as much."

"What?"

"Casper. At Levi's party. After Levi introduced him to his grandparents."

Jackson immediately found himself smiling at the memory. Casper had been so proud of being properly introduced to the family of his best friend.

"He said: 'Doctor April, Levi's got lots of grandpas and grandmas. I've only got dad and grandma and Harper. That's dad's grandpa, but we call him Harper because he says grandpa is not a name and grandma is not a name, too, but she doesn't mind'," April elaborated, mimicking the four-year-old's voice perfectly.

"He's still calling you that?" Jackson cringed.

Melodic laughter filled his ears. "Oh, I don't mind. It's so cute. And I think he's dropping it anyway. Called me 'Just April' during bedtime stories."

"Just April?" They both cracked up at that and the serious tone she had repeated it with. "Jesus, I don't know what's worse."

Their silence as they turned back to the task at hand was a comfortable one. April grabbed a piece of her pizza and ate it while sitting crossed leg on the couch. Her oversized shirt was beginning to slip off her left shoulder revealing a light pink bra strap. She never noticed. Out of the corner of his eye Jackson did, of course, but chose to not let it distract him. It's just clothing for Christ's sake. Don't think about what it covered, man.

"I don't know that one," she suddenly blurted out, after what seems like an eternity of browsing.

" _Pitch Perfect_?" Jackson raised an eyebrow. Judging by the poster it looked a lot like another clichéd teen movie. So, exactly what she didn't want. "Don't you think that's too cheesy?"

"I've got a thing for Anna Kendrick," April told him in a casual tone.

Unprepared for this revelation Jackson chocked on air. Luckily he hadn't been eating just then, or he'd be sputtering out real cheese. Obviously, this woman had no idea what she was doing to him. " _Pitch Perfect_ it is," he agreed. His brain still fixated on the fact that April 'I'm-a-good-Christian Kepner' had a thing for Anna Kendrick.

* * *

An hour later they were shoulder to shoulder, April's head almost but not quite resting on his chest, her feet pressed against his thigh. Jackson noticed how strange it all was.

It had happened gradually. When they started eating their pizzas they had been inches apart, a couple of decorative pillows ("Jackson, honey, this couch is so huge it would look sad without a few finishing touches.") between them. Then April had changed her crossed leg position, kicking a pillow down in the process. He'd told her to leave it be, he didn't mind. It wasn't like he had chosen to have those pillows there in the first place.

So, one pillow gone, they finished the pizzas. Out of lack of something to hold onto now that the food was gone April had subconsciously taken the leftover pillow. With a similar lack of conscious thought, Jackson had mirrored her action, grabbing the last pillow between them. A good half hour later April had gone to the bathroom for a pee break, abandoning the pillow to the other side of the couch. Upon her return she'd taken a seat closer, but not too close, to Jackson.

And then, somewhere between eaten food and abandoned pillows, they had ended up like this. Shoulders touching and April's feet pressed to Jackson's thigh.

He'd never had a casual girlfriend sit with him like this. Not even Arizona, who let's be real, would never express interest in him or anyone of the male species, had ever sat so close to him on a movie night. There hadn't been many, but given how long they knew each other she'd been perfectly friendship-ly comfortable around him, on the ones they'd had, he supposed.

So, his mind whirled. April probably wanted to kiss him, or to be kissed by him. He didn't kiss her, though. Afraid to push his luck, in case these suppositions were all in his head. He was old-school dating habits, so the new etiquette was kinda lost on him. Netflix and chill, yeah but still…Also, whatever was going on between Owen and April, was still a mystery to him. If this movie night was going anywhere, then April would have to be the one initiating it.

But then, when the Barden Bellas were busy covering Bruno Mars, she turned her head and said, "You've got some leftover pizza sauce there..." Her hand entered his field of vision and he watched as it approached his chin. From the speakers to his right he heard a chorus of women singing "Girl you're amazing, just the way you are." He couldn't agree more.

He couldn't stop himself from leaning in any longer. When their lips met it was better than he ever could have imagined. It must have been two years, at least, since he had last kissed someone with passion. One year, since he kissed someone at all. He didn't remember what it had felt like kissing other people. He didn't even remember what it had felt like kissing other people he thought he'd loved. All he knew was kissing April felt amazing.

He was lucky to have taken this chance. She responded by not pushing him away, but rather opening her mouth with a soft groan that sent shivers down his spine. Without seeming to give a second thought, she put her hands on his chest as they both wiggled around to get closer to each other without breaking their kiss. Following her lead he put his hands around her body. It felt every bit as fantastic as he thought it would. Just holding her like this was a terrific feeling. Eventually, April ended up sitting on his lap, her arms wrapped around his torso, her face pressed against his.

Had somebody told him all he had to do was put on a movie about a Cappella singing college students and eat messy Jackson would have done it months ago. No. No, he wouldn't have. He was glad they'd become friends first. It made things more special. Well, he couldn't really think straight at the moment, so that's what he would have thought about if he could have but he really didn't because – damn – April had just hit her teeth against his.

It went on for minutes, not that he'd counted. He lost track of time the second their eyes locked. His hand was on her waist now, rubbing circles, which felt amazing. Her hands were pushing against him in a desperate need to get away... wait, what?!

All it took for Jackson to realize how distraught she was, was for him to open his eyes. Immediately he let go of her waist, body and mouth. In any other situation he might have appreciated the way her lips were slightly swollen, or the heated blush on her cheeks. Unfortunately, this wasn't any other situation. And there were also glistening tears in the picture, or rather in her eyes.

"Hey," he whispered softly trying to be understanding, while mightily confused. She'd returned his kisses. She'd been into it. He hadn't done anything untoward. There was no force and no inappropriate convincing. He'd thought she was alright with it. But now it seemed like he'd crossed a line, if not all of them. "Hey, April... what's wrong?"

It took a lot of self-restraint for him not to ask her to look at him for her answer. However, he knew that giving her space, as she was obviously overwhelmed by whatever fifteen sides to the story she was considering right now, was the right thing.

"I... we... we shouldn't." She shook her head, her voice on the verge of tears. Her tone was heart wrenching. Jackson cursed himself for making her feel this way. That was the last thing he'd ever wanted to do. This evening should have been about her, and now he'd ruined it. There was no coming back from this.

"Shit, April, I'm sorry-" he started, fully aware that this wasn't going to fix anything anyway. To his surprise she interrupted him by putting a hand on his knee.

"No, Jackson. It's not about you. You are way too good to me, believe me. It's just..." This time when their eyes met there was no heat, no silent understanding, and no widened pupils. "We can't do this."

Choosing to push his luck again, but also really wanting to know – this April resting her body-parts on his body-parts was deeply confusing to him – Jackson put his hand over hers on his knee. "Why?"

She heaved a sigh, then took a big breath before returning her gaze to his. What she said next was unexpected and also the last thing he'd ever wanted to hear.

"Jackson, I'm married."


	6. April 12th 2015

**April 12th 2015, Sunday.**

* * *

The automatic doors on floor three glided open as Jackson approached them carrying his son in arms. Had he been in a better state of mind he might have appreciated the phrase 'son in arms' and its ambiguous meaning. He wasn't.

After April's confession and the lack of further explanation coupled with the fact that Jackson, being the gentleman his mom had raised him to be, had kept his distance in return by resisting the urge to push her, the atmosphere in his living room had been awkward to say the least. That very situation was one he had not been prepared for at all by his mother's manner talks. He faintly remembered "hands off married women" but that was it, and with April it was obviously more complicated than a simple legal license. Everything about her appeared to be.

Sadly, knowing she was married didn't trigger an immediate change in his feelings towards her. He would have loved to stop liking her as much as he did. He would have loved to stop caring for her. However, knowing that April was married did not make his feeling change in that way. Quite the opposite, it made him care even more about her. It also changed his feelings towards a certain other redhead.

Owen Hunt.

Why the chief of trauma slash ex-military slash board member slash – and this was where the new information came in – father to a son he had with his very smart, very kind, very beautiful wife would abandon same very smart, very kind and very beautiful wife and son was something Jackson would never understand, even if somebody would give explaining him a try. The guy had everything and yet he was throwing it all away.

This wasn't fair. Not to April, not to Levi, not to him. And when talking about him he was referring to himself, not Hunt, obviously. According to the Hallmark movie promos he just so happened to accidentally watch during commercials and sometimes when watching youtube (waiting patiently for a video about some new surgical procedure to start, of course) the story should have gone like this: smart, kind and handsome single father meets very smart, very kind and very beautiful single mother, they become friends, their kids become friends, the parents fall in love, get married, they have a child and become the happiest patchwork family to ever walk the earth – the end.

That was a movie people would want to pay for seeing, a story people could to relate to. No one would want to watch a movie about a husband living in the same town and working at the same hospital as his wife but for some crazy reason refusing to live together with his family. A story about an asshole who wouldn't take on the slightest responsibility in bringing up his own child. Nobody would watch that. Truly, no director in his right mind would even take on such a movie. No actor would knowingly ruin their career by starring in this kind of a film.

It was sad, really. The trauma surgeon had never been a favorite of Jackson's amongst his co-workers, mostly because he felt like Hunt considered him nothing more than a spoiled little rich boy. So what if his mother had bought Jackson a hospital? Guilty as charged, it wasn't like he pretended otherwise. However this fact didn't qualify as the only argument for judgment of character in Jackson's eyes. Hunt's decision to treat him almost annoyingly agitated at board meetings was hasty. There was absolutely no further proof behind it. Lo and behold, during his first years as a board member Jackson had redeemed himself in the eyes of most of his colleagues. All of them, really. Except Hunt.

Jackson wasn't pro conflict, he liked avoiding fights that's why he gave up so easily on Casper's mother when she chose not to be just that. So he put up with Hunt's snarky comments year after year without further comment. He chose to feel rather indifferent about the older doctor. Starting a fight to defend his pride to a person he didn't care about just wasn't worth it.

Now though? -He was furious. So furious in fact that the first thing he did after April's confession was making the decision to confront the chief of trauma in person.

* * *

The plan was already unfolding in Jackson's mind seconds after April uttered the three (or four? He _really_ should have paid attention in that linguistics class.) meaningful words that changed his opinion on the quiet guy from the Emergency Room (/loud guy from the Board Meetings, pick your poison).

First Jackson would have to crush the sleepover party so he could go to the hospital where he knew Hunt would be today working the graveyard shift. A fact that made much more sense, him being a chief and all, if the reason was avoiding his wife and son, for whatever reason he was doing that for in the first place.

Anyway, Hunt would be at the hospital for the night. It would be rather quiet and lacking the onlookers that were a given during daytime, even on a Sunday. Perfect for confronting him without risking damage to April's reputation. Regarding Jackson she wasn't at fault here. The one who abandoned their child was wrong, always. He knew a thing or two about that.

So. He mused that the easiest way to have the least suspicious reason to go to the hospital _and_ take April home was a page which he would have to fake since he was technically not on call tonight. Someone had to page him. Unfortunately, he had no clue as to who of the residents was currently at the hospital. He also had no idea how he'd contact a resident at the hospital and get him to fake a page for no reason. And even if he found a way to contact someone they would still need a convincing argument to settle the question of to page or not to page. That's why he needed more friends. Charles and Reed would have gotten him out of his living room and into the hospital in no time, no questions asked. Hell, they might even have taken on babysitting Casper for the night.

Texting Arizona, who was quite likely not at the hospital anyway, was not an option since she knew he and April were basically on a date tonight. Besides never ever doing that to April she'd get the wrong picture about what went down, and he couldn't have that. That's when his mind landed on Callie. In exchange for some juicy news she'd definitely do him the favor -and boy, did he have some juicy news on Dr. Dan Miller; the guy that not only worked with Callie but apparently had given up on April as proven by the heated talk he had last night in the supply room with nurse Danielle about a pregnancy test (it wasn't like Jackson had been eavesdropping; he needed some gauze for a burn victim and his resident was too stupid to find the supplies, that was all). Callie it was. And she hadn't let him down.

If she had, he wouldn't be lying to the all round care sitter about being on call right now. Luckily, these people never seemed to check whatever information the doctors gave them. Since Meredith told him about the one time she and Derek dropped Zola off to have some quality private time Jackson hardly felt any remorse for using the babysitting services of the hospital when he didn't actually need them. Besides, he owned a lot of the hospital so what would they do if they found out – fire him? Probably not.

* * *

"Daddy, I'm tired," Casper complained sleepily as he was handed over. His statement was understandable given the time. For a moment Jackson felt a pang of guilt in his chest as he remembered that there had been no need for him to take Casper here at this hour.

Upon the announcement of the fake page April had immediately offered to stay with the boys while Jackson went to check up on his patient. He'd been inclined to take her up on the offer first. However, his plan included a few steps that might lead to confusion on her part. More importantly maybe they didn't exclude some very crucial things, like fists. Again, he wasn't pro-conflict. He liked avoiding it. But this was a situation he felt very strongly about. When the chips were down he'd be prepared to do the worst.

So, he'd declined her offer and taken her home instead. He was pretty sure that by the time he dropped her off at her apartment door – he couldn't have her carrying the bags _and_ Levi all the way up there by herself – she knew that something was very off. She probably had no inkling to his plans, but she knew that the three/four words she'd said had elicited him faking a page and throwing her out of his house in the middle of the night. As much was obvious from the questions she asked him before he went to the hospital.

"We need to talk about... what I said," she'd murmured into the darkness of the empty hallway, "Please? Can we... I want to talk about it. Do you... Can we talk about my... it? Soon?"

Her tone was so desperate that Jackson, yet again, found himself doubting the plan he'd already set into motion. Maybe it would be best if they just changed the place of their double sleepover to her flat. He could take the sofa, she could take her bed. It would be easy.

But he had to do this first. For all the wives left by their husbands. For all the sons staring out of the window waiting for their fathers to come home. He had to.

His hand, every fiber of his being, really, had longed to cup her cheek and reassure her when she'd needed it. He'd reached for her shoulder instead, squeezing it tightly.

"We will talk about this, April," he'd promised. And almost as an after thought he'd added: "Thank you for telling me."

"I... uh... of course."

"Goodnight, April." Knowing that more words would only make it worse he'd descended the stairs heading back to his car that would take him to the hospital where he would finally conduct his masterpiece not saying another single word.

* * *

Hunt was at the round admission desk in the Emergency Room typing something on the electronic boards April had introduced Grey Sloan Memorial to only weeks after her arrival. Turned out she was quite the pioneer on the organization level of hospital work. Weirdly enough Hunt didn't seem to have any problems interacting with his _wife_ when it came to work stuff. He'd been the first to support her application, the one to propose her for the job opening, the one who'd once upon a time had chosen to propose to her and the one she'd accepted... The way he could treat her so differently in the two major fields of his life seemed almost mad to Jackson, and not in the good _Alice in Wonderland_ way, more in the crazy _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ way.

"Dr. Hunt," Jackson addressed him, "A word?"

"Avery," Hunt acknowledged without taking his eyes off the tablet. He never called him by his title. Never had, never would (probably). "Didn't know you were coming in tonight."

"I wasn't,"Jackson agreed stoically.

At least that made the redhead look up. When he saw the casual clothes the younger doctor was wearing he raised a ginger eyebrow. "Did a resident page you?"

"No," Jackson disagreed. He was already irritated by his opponent. Didn't he hear what had just been said? "I came to talk to you."

Hunt's eyebrows melted into his hairline. "At two in the morning on a Sunday night?"

"It's already half past two," Jackson retorted. "And I really need to talk to you, right now."

Although obviously confused Hunt appeared unflappable. "Okay. It's a slow night, anyway, and I just checked on all the patients. Let's talk."

The way he casually brought up his noble work made Jackson even angrier if that was possible. Doing all the good things in the world would never compensate for being a crappy father and a shit husband.

"I think we should go somewhere more private," he suggested calmly, not wanting to have it out where the patients could hear them. They were most likely passed out, yes, but he didn't want to risk it. For April's sake more than Hunt's.

"Avery," Hunt sighed, "Are you serious? First you show up at two in the morning to talk, then you want to talk in private? What is this about, huh? Did somebody steal a cool surgery from you, because-"

"It's about April," Jackson cut in. That silenced his counterpart. As was expected. Hunt followed him into the staircase without a second question.

Once the door fell close behind them, though, he wouldn't stop asking exactly those: "What happened? What did she tell you? Did you see her? Was she alright? Did she appear okay to you? What did she say?"

Jackson shook his head. "First of all, you don't get to ask any questions here." Even as the eyebrows disappeared again he went on unperturbed. "I'm going to talk, and you are going to listen, and that's how it's gonna be. You don't interrupt, you don't reply, you just listen, because... well, somebody really has to tell you this..."

Now Hunt was definitely flustered. He was also the way Jackson wanted to have him: silent.

"So. Okay. This might seem like a lot to you, coming from me. I know you don't think too highly of my opinion, but... I think this is a subject where I might actually have a lot more insight than you do. No. No... not might. I do. I _do_ have a lot more insight on this than you do. So you should just listen, because this might help you change and that really is necessary. Okay." Jackson took a breath. "You see, my dad left when I was four years old. I don't remember him much. I mean, even when he was there, he really wasn't. He was a surgeon, too. Very busy. Then, one night, he just up and left. Said it was stressing him out too much. Said he needed to find himself, whatever that means. He left me, and my mom, and he never came back, never. And there was... there is a part of me that wants to hate him for it."

Hunt was hanging on to his every word, eyes wide. "Avery..."

"No, no. I told you. You listen. So, do that. Listen. That's not too hard, right? Okay. Where was I? Oh, yeah. My dad. Really want to hate him completely. Whenever he wasn't there I just wanted to say _I hate you_ and be done with it. Forget him, whatever. It's not like I've got a lot of memories of him anyway. I kind of remember what he looked like, but that's about it. Everything I think I know is imagination, or pictures, stories that others told me and things I've read. I've got no real memory of him, but I remember him. That's weird, though, isn't it? Because if you hate someone, you want to forget them. But I can't. I can't forget him. Ever. He probably forgot me pretty easily. Never contacted me or anything. But me? I couldn't. I don't think I ever will." He sighed heavily, rubbing the bridge of his nose between two fingers. This was the first time he openly spoke about this and it turned out to be way more straining than he'd anticipated. "Okay. So. You probably wonder where I'm going here, right? Well, this isn't about me as much as it is about Levi. He might not miss his dad right now, because he can't remember him... heck, I don't think he even knows what a dad is, and how would he? April's been raising him all by herself all these years while working a full time job, and trust me, that's not as easy as it sounds... but. Anyway. That's beside the point. The point is, there will come a time when he will want to know about his dad. It might be drawing family trees in history class or something as important as introducing his partner to his family, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that there will be a time and he will ask. And no matter what anyone tells him what he will hear is that his dad didn't want him, and he will ask himself why. Maybe he'll overcome that. Maybe he'll live with the fact that his dad left him and be happy, who knows. But what if he's just pushing stuff away? What if he pretends he's fine with the fact that his dad left him and then – boom – he's about to become a dad himself and he's asking himself how the hell he's going to do this. And he's going to sit there in the darkness, all by himself, and wonder whether he can be a dad. Whether he's ever gonna be good enough, or whether he'll end up making the same mistake his dad made. And he's going to hate hims-"

"Avery," Hunt interrupted again.

This time, Jackson nodded. "Yes, you're right. That's not really the point. No. The point is. Walking out on Levi will always matter to him, no matter what you think. It will matter to him. He won't forget. It will form him. It will change him. It will take away a part of him that can never be fully replaced. It will leave a wound that will leave a scar. Once that scar's there, there will be no way he'll ever forget about it. And it will haunt him forever."

"Jackson..." Hunt said then his eyes looking concerned, "I get where you are coming from, but maybe I'm not the right person to talk this over with. Maybe April..."

"Why should I talk to April about this? It's not like she walked out on her son!"

Puzzled, Hunt shook his head. "But this is about Levi, so you should talk to her about it. He's her son..."

"Are you being serious right now?" This was unbelievable. The reward for pouring his heart out was- what? A referral back to the source of his concern? "Have you even listened to what I've been saying?"

"Yes. But this is a very complicated situation, Jackson. I'm not that involved myself and I don't think-"

Jackson snorted. Not involved, alright. More like anti-involved, contra-participating, un-engaged. "How do you do it? How? It's a mystery to me."

"Do what?"

"Marry a great woman like April. Have a child with her. And then just abandon her. I don't get it."

What Hunt did next was also on the list of things Jackson wasn't getting. The trauma surgeon opened his mouth, squinted his eyes together and laughed. A long, hearty laugh that quickly widened into a laughing fit. Even after Jackson blinked it didn't go away. He wasn't imagining things. Hunt was laughing. At him? At April? It didn't matter, it made Jackson angry. Angry enough to raise his hand.

Noticing the motion Hunt swallowed his laughter and raised both of his hands in a defensive position. "Woah. Take it easy, Avery. That's really not necessary."

"I don't think you have any idea what's necessary here", Jackson replied angrily. "Don't you get sick of yourself?"

Hunt shook his head. "I wasn't- What you said was serious, I know that, but Jackson, listen-"

Jackson pondered not doing it. He wanted to hit something badly even before he got here. Right now Hunt was the popular choice. He'd really started to hate that guy.

"This better be worth my while," he muttered between gritted teeth.

"April and I aren't married," the trauma surgeon told him, "Nor have we ever been. Levi is not my son."

Jackson's fist fell and unclenched as suddenly as it had formed and risen. "But... your mother..."

"My mother?"

"Yes. She was at the party. Levi's birthday. The one you didn't attend. She said she was his grandmother..." Jackson's confusion was probably obvious in his voice and on his face both. At the moment, he couldn't care less. He really was mightily confused.

"I don't think she went, but-" Something hit the redheaded man. Some kind of realization, revelation. "Evelyn, of course!"

"That's what she said," Jackson nodded slowly. Again a phrase he might have appreciated more under different circumstances. What was going on here?

"Well. I hate to break it to you, but Evelyn was quite the popular name in the fifties. My mom and Levi's grandma are victims of the same trend."

Jackson felt like his head was spinning, he shook it. The spinning wasn't going away. It only got worse. "But April said she was married in Jordan..."

"She probably meant she was married while she was in Jordan. She'd already been married for a few years when she joined the program," Hunt corrected.

"But you... but she, she met your mom's boyfriend..."

"Listen, Jackson." The hand on his shoulder felt wrong. He knew it was meant to reassure him, keep him from falling. But it didn't do any of that. It just confused him a lot more. "April is like the little sister I had. I care for her deeply. We've known each other for years. The same goes for April and my mom. She practically adopted her as her th-...second child. April is family, but not the married kind."

It was odd how Hunt had called April the little sister he had, not the little sister he never had. On any other day Jackson might have probed further. This wasn't that day. Or day at all, really. It was barely past three in the morning. And in that moment Jackson was painfully aware of the time.

"I just don't understand," he croaked, his voice sounding strange in his own ears.

Hunt gave him a look that looked sympathetic in a way. "This is very confusing to you, I'm sure."

"Who...?"

Seemingly without any feeling of dizziness Hunt shook his head. "This is not my story to tell. You'll have to wait until April is ready to share it with you and that... it might be a while. It's not easy for her to talk about it."

Jackson's stomach turned. This talk had been supposed to clear things up. All it did was make things more difficult. He no longer understood the world.

"I don't understand," he confessed into the staircase.

"I know it's difficult, just..." The feeling of Hunt squeezing his shoulder brought him back to reality for the moment. "Hang in there, yeah? I know April really appreciates... whatever it is you two have. Just give her time. She's the most honest person I know. She'll tell you."

As much was true. Usually, April wore her heart on a sleeve from what he'd witnessed. She didn't beat around the bush. She told things how they were. Apparently, things she was scared of were the exception. Every superhero has their limits. This was the single thing _Batman vs Superman_ had taught him.

"Okay," he whispered.

It wasn't like he had a choice anyway. He knew now. He couldn't give up on her, even if he wanted to. He wouldn't be able to forget her. Some people are just like that.

"Good. And Avery?"

When he looked up Jackson saw that Hunt already had his hand on the doorhandle meaning he'd chosen to end this talk. Not that Jackson could or would argue. There was nothing left to talk about.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful around her. If you hurt her, there's me plus fifty guys from our troop that won't hesitate to return the favor."

Jackson gulped, watched the door fall close. The sound of it falling close made his stomach turn. He didn't make it to a trashcan and just threw up there and then.

Not that it mattered. He owned parts of this hospital and had made sure to hire good cleaning staff. They'd take care of the mess he'd made. Well. The physical part of it. The mess in his heart could only be cleared up by one person. Right now he feared she never would.


	7. June 20th 2015

**June 20th 2015, Saturday  
**

* * *

"Mommy, I wanna go in," Levi moaned, wiggling in April's arms.

Standing and kneeling, respectively, on the flagstone pool border the two of them, mother and child, were a sight to behold. Levi, after suffering through a whole body sunblock marinade, was growing impatient as his mother struggled to inflate his floaties for him. They were both in their bathing suits. Levi in adorable swim trunks featuring blue wales set against a background in a complementary oceanic hue. April was in a purple bikini. Her ensemble made Jackson curse the fact that they hadn't gotten past second base yet.

Well. Not curse, exactly. He'd acceded to her request to take it slow. In fact he seconded the call. It seemed like a good idea at the time, given their unusual circumstances. Both of them had children. On April's side there was the mysterious husband she wasn't yet ready to speak about. On Jackson's there was a name that didn't need a scandal attached to it. Taking the leisurely route wasn't only the most responsible thing to do, it was also the most logical. It seemed like a good idea. At the time.

Two months in Jackson wasn't so sure about that anymore. Their kids got along great together and also with the other's respective parent. April, being the kind of person she was, there was virtually no reason for her to cause a scandal that would impact the Avery name. The husband, of course, was another issue. From the little hints she'd dropped every once in a while, Jackson considered him out of the picture. There was no reason to hold back. Jackson was ready to take it further. April, on the other hand, gave no impression to be in the slightest bit of haste to advance their relationship. She seemed oblivious as she tortured him with heated make-out sessions, short and tight items of clothing, and his favorite, or least depending on the level of blue, changing in front of him at work.

Maybe life would eventually have mercy on him and allow him to progress from admirer to lover. Some day. Right now, as the hashtag would say, all he could do was count his blessings and not his stressings. He had a healthy child, a beautiful girlfriend who was great with his child and his girlfriend's child who had easily accepted him as mommy's friend who _mommy likes to kiss and give cuddles_. And he was getting a lot of those. Just not more than that.

It bugged him, as he watched April in her purple bikini – bandeau top with strings that could easily be unfastened, and very short bottoms – that during the kisses and embraces he could give her he hardly ever got to see her in as little as he did here at the poolside. Which also meant that whenever she went to the beach, total strangers got to see more of her than he did on a regular basis. Usually, Jackson wasn't the jealous type, but with her... he just couldn't seem to help himself.

Maybe it was because she was so damn attractive and completely unaware of the fact. Perhaps it was her ongoing attachment to some other guy, one that she avoided talking about. Although, that seemed to be the reason underlying their own slow progress. But he didn't know. He didn't care. He was jealous of a phantom and that was that.

The second Levi had his second floatie on he jumped into the pool before April could finish telling him not to, "Now don't jum-"

Despite his light weight the four-year-old's cannon ball had splashed enough water on his mother for it to discolor her swim suit in spots. She rolled her eyes at both of the giggling boys. Thanks to Jackson's weekly father-son activity of choice – swimming class – Casper was in no need for swimming aids so he'd already been in the water by the time Levi launched his attack. Jackson first introduced him to the pool when he was three months old. Also, their indoor pool might have helped in pushing his own swimming skills. Not to brag.

"Levi Nathaniel... what am I going to do for you disobeying me..." April put her thumb to her chin and tapped her index finger against the side of her face in a thinking motion. Then, without any further warning, she ran and jumped into the pool much like her son had done before.

The silence of the backyard was filled with laughter as she started a splashing contest with the boys. In Jackson's ears there had rarely been a sound as beautiful as April's melodic laughter mixed with the high pitched shrieks of their children. While he had initially been hesitant about accepting his mother's invitation, he was now quite happy that he had.

When Catherine Avery caught wind of her baby boy" being in a "serious" relationship she'd taken the first plane available, quickly transferring a special urology case to the hospital so she had a good explanation of why she'd shown up. That April had just so happened to be assisting on the case was a pure coincidence, of course. So when Jackson confronted his mom about it she gave an Oscar worthy performance (move aside, Meryl Streep) pretending she'd had no idea who April was until he told her. Of course, once she "learned" about it "from Jackson" Mama Avery just had to have them "come over for a weekend".

Surprisingly, April hadn't been against the idea. In fact she only made the connection of _the_ Dr. Catherine Avery being his mom when he brought it up. She'd assumed his name was just more common than she'd originally thought it was. Apparently, his possession of a house obviously too huge for two people _and_ an indoor pool hadn't given him away. Jackson liked to think she hadn't paid it any mind. She'd gotten to know him as Jackson, not as the grandson of Harper Avery, and he was glad this was the case.

When they'd boarded the flight to Boston it had been hard to tell who was more nervous about the ordeal, Jackson or April. For once it was unfortunate that their kids were so well behaved. There were no temper tantrums or accidents on the plane to distract them from thinking about where they were headed. The boys had been perfectly content left to their own devices, quite literally. Each of them had taken their parent's iPads for the duration of the flight to watch shows on; the risk of having to read the same story 32 times had just been too high. For the grown-ups? Not so much.

April had spent most of the flight staring out of the window while rubbing Jackson's knuckles with her thumb. Jackson in return had spent his time watching her gazing out at the sky, wondering what was on her mind and if she'd ever be able to completely open up to him. So far their time in Boston had been better than their flight, though, so it was mostly forgotten about.

* * *

"Looks like someone is having fun," Catherine commented as she took the seat next to Jackson.

"Yeah, they usually do," Jackson agreed.

It was true. Whenever the four of them spent time together it was filled with laughter, fun and happiness. Anyone observing them could easily mistake them for a family. There were times he himself had the thought. It was only when Jackson was alone with April (or with their gossiping colleagues) that he was reminded of their actual hazy status.

"So," his mother's voice pulled him from his thoughts. "Shall I expect a happy announcement by the end of the year?"

Jackson's head whipped around at a whiplash worthy speed. "Pardon me?"

Clearly amused, as shown by the grin on her face, his mother took a sip of her drink before placing her glass back down next to the unattended ones. Basically left abandoned on the table, in lieu of pool fun.

"Well you appear to be absolutely smitten with that girlfriend of yours," she told him.

"Am not," Jackson automatically argued. It wasn't like his mother was the first to tease him about it. Diarrhea Tuesdays weren't the only reason he'd lately avoided the cafeteria. Those enchiladas caused many runs among the hospital staff.

She raised an eyebrow and pushed her sunglasses down on her nose. "No? That's unfortunate."

Then after pushing her shades back up, she grabbed her book and got to reading.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. To him this conversation was far from over.

"Nothing. If you're not interested in her like that it means nothing," she replied never taking her eyes off the page she was reading.

"Nothing ever means nothing with you." Afraid of being caught in discussing their relationship status with his mother Jackson's eyes flitted over to where April was. Luckily, she appeared to be perfectly distracted with entertaining the boys.

Catherine shrugged. "It really doesn't matter if you two aren't that serious."

Jackson groaned. He'd brought April, and her kid for that matter, to Boston to meet his mom. He supposed it was somewhat serious. April had agreed to the whole ordeal so she had to feel similar about it, right? Except he couldn't know, because somehow they never talked about the important things.

In the end he settled on a lame: "It's not that simple."

"Huh?" In that instant, Jackson immediately regretted initiating the return of the pushed down shades. "How's that?"

"It's just..." Scratching the back of his head he tried to come up with some good points without opening up about the real issue. His mom seemed to like April. Since he wanted to keep it that way telling her about the husband thing might not be his best option. "There's the boys and-"

As usual his mother interrupted him in the most unexpected way. She snorted. "Oh please. Casper has his own crush on her, as far as I am concerned... or is it about Levi? Doesn't he like you?"

"No. No, Levi's great..." Jackson trailed off. The more words he said the deeper the grave he was digging himself into got. He'd rather stay quiet for now rather than forever.

His mom sighed and shook her head. "I don't get you. I thought that was what you wanted in the first place? A family? And now you get a second chance served on a silver platter and you don't take it? Sorry, but that makes absolutely no sense to me."

"I..." Jackson copied his mother's motions shaking his head in frustration. She couldn't understand, not if he didn't tell her. He couldn't possibly tell her. "We just want to take it slow. What's so wrong with that?"

He didn't expect her to have a response to that, but of course she did.

"Well, for one you're both not in your twenties anymore. So if you want to have children together you should best do that before her clock stops ticking."

"Oh my god, mom!" he exclaimed. "You can't be serious!"

She shrugged. "Take it from me. By the time I wanted to give you a sibling, I couldn't."

A sibling? That was new information. For a moment he considered asking about when and who, but then it dawned upon him that he'd die happier not knowing. "Look, mom. I want to stay with April, just... no big changes in the family dynamic for the time being, okay?"

"Okay."

Okay? Had he known she could be satisfied that easily he would have skipped a lot of the conversation where he shared his feelings with her.

"Just make sure to tell me when there are changes. The color of this year's Christmas card will be green and I'm sure they both would look gorgeous in it. Redheads always do," she added eyes glued to her book but smirk obvious on her face. This sounded more like her.

"Will do," he promised with a sigh.

The least of his concerns was the annual Harper Avery Christmas photo spread and whether it featured April and Levi or not. Frankly, the probability of them being showcased approached zero. Those pictures were for _family only,_ as Harper liked to stress. It was quite ironic since the old man couldn't care less about family. Jackson could count the interactions his son and grandfather had had on one hand. Most of them were more or less not even interactions between Casper and Harper themselves but rather Harper criticizing Jackson's parenting skills, while Casper was present. Therefore, the old man stressing something he clearly had no idea of, made Jackson crack up.

* * *

"Lunch in five minutes," Richard called from inside reminding Jackson of his presence. The fact that his mother and his boss were now married made the situation of them being together not any less odd. On the contrary, it highlighted the strangeness of it. At least Richard never asked Jackson to call him dad. Listening to Casper calling him grandpa was weird enough as it was.

"Okay, boys. You heard the man. Out of the water, both of you," he heard April demand.

Jackson stood and stretched. "I'll help with the boys then I'll join you," he informed his mother who had put her book away again to go inside.

"Yeah... with the boys," she winked.

The mood wasn't right for a reply. Besides, she wasn't all that wrong. The day had been pretty busy so far and there had hardly been any time for April and him to enjoy their first weekend get-away (if you could call it that, but for the sake of conversational ease he would stretch the term) together. He wouldn't mind a stolen kiss or two. Especially not while she was wearing such a short, wet, swimsuit. After gathering towels in his arms he went over to the pool where April was freeing Levi of the floaties.

"Here."

"Thanks," April accepted the towel with a bright smile. Summer was doing her well. Her nose was sprinkled with a few new freckles and her cheeks were a healthy shade of rosé. With her wet hair glued to her shoulders and neck she looked absolutely stunning.

"Daddy, I dived to the ground all by myself three times," Casper reported excitedly as Jackson rubbed him dry.

"Three times?" He whistled. "That must be a new record!"

"You can dive more than three, can you, daddy? I tolded April you can," Casper added his face growing concerned at the possibility that he might be disappointed.

"Oh, you already told April that?" Jackson corrected gently as he worked on his son's unruly curls. He proceeded to pull the towel off Casper's head and gave him a smug grin. "Then I guess I'll have to show her later."

"Oh I believe you, Casper," April shrugged it off. She had just finished drying off Levi and gave him a few eskimo kisses before she rose from her kneeling position.

"Okay, you guys. Time to go in and put on some clothes. Then we'll have lunch. But don't forget to wash your hands!" She ushered both of them inside. It still amazed Jackson how Casper obeyed April without the slightest hint of protest. Levi was pretty much the same around him. They'd gotten _really_ lucky with those boys. Well, except for their preferences in bedtime stories which was the same one over and over again.

Despite how well behaved their children were, Jackson raised an eyebrow at his girlfriend. "You trust them to put on pants? Really?"

Again, she raised her slender shoulders in a shrug. "Not really, but Dr. Webb- Richard will probably find it hilarious if they don't." She still had trouble calling their boss by his first name. Jackson could relate. But then, calling someone you'd seen naked in bed with your mom by his last name? Odd.

Now that was something Jackson couldn't argue with. Instead, he wrapped his arms around April's waist and pulled her in for a kiss that led to more kisses. She let him have his way opening her mouth almost immediately as their lips met. For a few wonderful moments they stayed in their own little bubble, blanking out their surroundings. It might seem a bit cliché but for Jackson it really was like this whenever they kissed properly. April was usually the one to stop him in public places before it got out of hand (not that it had ever gotten _that_ out of hand).

Today was no exception. Her hands went up to rest on his chest, gently pushing him away. She smiled as she uttered his name, "Jackson..."

He took a step back and allowed himself a good look at her. She was still gorgeous, only now she also looked thoroughly kissed. A look he wholeheartedly approved of. "Mh?"

"Your mother's inside with Richard. We should help them…?" April murmured obviously not dead-set on the subject.

For a moment he let his hand linger on her cheek, gently cupping it. Then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sighed heavily. "Yeah okay."

It wasn't as if he could turn down any of her wishes anyway. Even though he hated admitting it – and never would out loud – she already had him wrapped around her little finger. Or in this case her purple bikini, coz damn girl.

Jackson picked up the discarded third towel and wrapped her in it before his imagination got the better of him. "Let's go."

"We're coming in!" Jackson called as they passed the slider door connecting the open living space and backyard. Walking in on Richard and his mother making out would never become a favored activity of his. He tried avoiding it as much as possible.

Luckily, all hands were occupied with cutlery and crockery when the dining space came into sight. Catherine was putting plates, Richard silverware. There seemed hardly anything left to do. April offered anyway, because that was just who she was.

"Oh no, thank you honey," his mother declined politely. "We're almost done here. Why don't you go change? You're shaking like a leaf."

Jackson turned to check. She was right. A person with a bad case of the chills would have had nothing on April. How had he missed this? Well. Maybe she hadn't been cold a couple of minutes ago with his hands on her waist and his mouth- uhm. No. Best not think about it in front of his mom and boss.

April ran a hand through her wet hair, looking like a goddess from a Gillette Venus commercial. "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to stall..."

"Of course, don't even worry about it."

"Thanks!"

* * *

And gone she was. And alone he was. Alone with his mom and boss/stepfather.

It was an odd word really. Stepparent. So ambiguous, too. Fairytales mostly connoted it negatively with the evil stepmothers, but Arizona, who had started out as a legal stepparent after all, was a counterexample. To Jackson it was all the same. He felt too old for a new father anyway and Dr. Richard Webber just wouldn't fill that position, end of story. But recently he'd found himself thinking about it. Thinking about becoming one... More like, getting ahead of himself. Only time would tell whether Jackson would ever have the chance to be a stepfather himself.

"Do you mind helping with the glasses?" his mother pulled him from his thoughts. Again.

"I thought you didn't need any help?"

Catherine shook her head. "That girl was freezing. She needed to change," she told him matter-of-factly.

He shrugged and made his way into the adjoined kitchen to get glasses. Bored already without his favorite people to keep him company he took his sweet time searching for the few children's glasses he knew his mother owned. It seemed silly, but a glass with animals on it could spare everyone a tantrum if the juice wasn't right.

Jackson was so involved in his task – why did she put them this far back in the cupboard? Was she embarrassed someone might ask her about it? Couldn't she just tell them about her grandson? – that he didn't notice anything that was happening outside the kitchen. Not until he heard a word that had many different meanings, depending on the pitch and other tonal features. He would have given examples, but that part of Linguistics class he spent with his eyes closed.

"Daddy!"

The way it was said, or rather screamed, told Jackson it wasn't just his son asking for him. It was his son asking for help. He discarded his task without a second thought and basically sprinted out of the kitchen to him.

"Casper! Casper, what's wrong?"

The first thing he noticed was that Casper was still in his swim trunks, although he'd gone into the house for the purpose of changing out of them. The second thing he noticed were the wet footprints that led from outdoors up unto the spot the boy was standing in. Grandma wouldn't be amused at all.

"Daddy... I-I didn't mean to, I..." Jackson could barely make out what his son said between the hiccups. Whatever it was it must have been highly disrupting. In spite of his age Casper didn't cry a lot. Only when he was really worried, which, in turn, really worried Jackson.

"Buddy, slow down. What's the matter? What happened?" He kneeled down and put his hands on Casper's shoulders to reassure him. Also, to keep him focused.

Casper shook his head. "We... we goed to the pool. I leaved Otto and I wanted to get him and... Levi slipped... He slipped on the border and fell..."

That was when it dawned on Jackson. He let go of Casper, let go of everything and ran. Past his mother and Richard who had heard some of the exchange and joined them with worry lines on their faces. Past the completely set table. Past the slide door that let into the backyard. Past the table where his mom's reading matter rested. Past the two towels at the edge of the pool. And then he jumped. He jumped right into the water with his clothes and shoes on. He just did it, as Shia LaBeouf would say.

When he came up again he wasn't worried about the state of his clothes or shoes. Custom made Nike flip flops, he'd have people know, even April who despite her gender and the clichés tied to it didn't share his enthusiasm for shoes. But that didn't matter right now. Nothing mattered but the little lifeless body in his arms.

In the back of his mind Jackson noticed his mom filing out of the house. She was alone so Richard had probably stayed inside with Casper. In the back of his mind Jackson was grateful for that. His son didn't need to see his friend like this. But that was all in the back of his mind. His focus was elsewhere. His focus was on Levi with his far too blue lips and much too closed eyes.

Jackson tried to concentrate on the adequate procedure instead of who it was. He checked for a pulse and found a faint beat. Good. As for the breathing... there wasn't any. Not good. He started CPR his minds running a hundred miles an hour.

Hopefully his mother had understood the situation and called 911. He cursed himself for not paying more attention. _Children between the ages of 1 and 4 have the highest rates of drowning._

When did he and April enter the house? How long could it have been? _A person suffers brain damage after about four minutes without oxygen_.

He'd lost track of time. There was no way to tell. It didn't even matter that much anyway. Right now, keeping Levi alive was his main priority.

 _In the USA, drowning is the second leading cause of death in children under the age of 15._


	8. July 5th 2015

**July 5** **th** **2015, Sunday.**

* * *

"No, I'm telling you: that dude was so drunk he let them put a rocket halfway up his ass believing it would get him to the moon... oh, hey, Avery."

The addressee cringed. He had harbored high hopes to avoid the usual chit chat with his colleagues today. Especially this involving silly 4th of July accidents. The accident he had the displeasure to witness was just too recent to laugh at other people's misfortune.

Since he couldn't very well walk off with a full tray and no excuse as to where he was taking it, Jackson sat down next to the overexcited pediatric surgeon. At least April hadn't been present to listen to his (questionably) funny story. This wasn't the talk that would improve her first day back by any means.

"I take it you went into work on Sunday?" Jackson asked disinterestedly. However little interest he had in the topic social conventions demanded for him to ask. He was too exhausted not to follow them.

"Yep," Alex nodded, popping a fry into his mouth. "Wouldn't miss it for a real party. This is almost as good as New Year's Eve."

To Jackson's dismay Alex nudged him with his elbow asking for a laugh. Jackson didn't feel like laughing. He hadn't felt like laughing for two weeks now.

He managed a small smile.

"You were off, weren't you?" Arizona addressed him.

The senior attending had been a real sweetheart to Jackson since he returned to work. More importantly, she had been a better friend to April than he himself. A part of him wanted to resent her for that. Another, bigger part was too grateful to do so. The hole April had fallen into after Levi's accident was deep. Where he hadn't been able to comfort her Arizona – with her story of how a car accident she caused almost cost both Callie and Sophia their lives – had been more successful. Although, if you asked Jackson April was still far from being okay or ready to go into work. He knew he wouldn't be.

In answer to her question Jackson nodded. "We went to the park and then made waffles. Nothing big," he explained, leaving out all the awkward parts. The plan had been simple. The execution? Not so much.

It bothered him that he couldn't give April what she needed. It bothered him that what she said she needed never turned out to be just that. It bothered him that he felt helpless and the hand he'd usually reach out to for help was helpless herself.

Before Arizona could prob for some more information on specific people, Alex put his two cents in.

"So, did you and Kepner start any fireworks?"

Jackson didn't even suppress his sigh. Even at thirty-something there seemed to be only one thing on this man's mind.

"No. Casper doesn't like them. They're too loud, he says."

"Sofia's just the same," Arizona agreed with a smile, "Callie and I got a bet going on whether she will outgrow it or not. I'm voting no."

" _Dude._ That's not what I meant," Alex groaned, flinging his arms up in frustration, which also sent a fly frying all the way over to the next table landing in a nurse's hair. She turned around giving Jackson an angry look.

Holding up his hands in defense he mouthed ' _It wasn't me_ ' to her, then pointed at Alex.

"What are you pointing at me for?" The peds surgeon followed Jackson's gaze to the nurse. She was now holding the fry between index finger and thumb as if it was the most disgusting thing. That might be right. _You never know where those hands have been_ , he remembered his mother saying. "Are you trying to pimp me out?"

Jackson rolled his eyes. "No. You threw a fry and it landed in her hair. Besides, didn't you already sleep with her?"

With his gaze on the nurse in question Alex titled his head in thought, then pursed his lips, shrugged and turned back around to face Jackson. "Who keeps a record."

Arizona pulled a face. "Alex, that's horrible. You don't even know anymore?"

"Hey!" It was his turn to use his hands for defensive gesturing. "Priorities. All the kids' names from the ward or all the girls' names from the on call rooms? I chose the kids. Do you know all the names of the girls you slept with? I've heard you were quite the womanizer in your days..."

" _In my days_?- I mean. No. We're not gonna talk about that. Like ever." She shook her head and then dug into her salad. It was too late, though. The embarrassment was obvious on her reddened cheeks.

Alex grinned like a Cheshire cat, obviously pleased with causing the emotion. Jackson resisted the urge to roll his eyes for the second time in a few minutes.

"Fine with me," the bachelor between the three of them continued, arms crossed in front of his chest as he leaned back in his chair to a dangerous angle. "I'd much rather talk about the 4th of July at Jackson's house... or should I rather say: Jackson's bedroom."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jackson countered in a matter he hoped would come across as unfazed. "I already told you what we did. We went to the park and then..."

"Jesus Christ, Avery," Alex said, his frustration obvious even without flying fries. "I wasn't talking about real fireworks earlier."

"Oh?"

"I was talking about you and Kepner. Did you guys finally do it?"

"What? Alex Karev asking about sex rather than everyday life? I'm shocked," Jackson replied between two bites of his awful sandwich. Their waffles yesterday had been so much better. And the company had been nicer. Even making them had been more fulfilling than handing the lunch lady five dollars... Well. Until April had her minor meltdown that was.

"No need to get sarcastic. I'm looking out for you here, bro."

"Really? I don't see how."

"Well." Alex leaned back in his seat even further. How he didn't fall was astonishing, really. Surely, gravity should have gotten the better of him minutes ago. Jackson sure wished it would have. But apparently gravity was now among all the things and people against him. "You've been together for three months now and you're still at second base tops. At your age, that's unnatural."

Jackson crunched his teeth together only to realize he'd forgotten to take a bite to chew on. Or maybe that had been his subconscious. He didn't want to talk about this. Not to Alex and Arizona. Not to anyone. Of course, he would have liked to talk it over with April. Now was hardly the time to do so, though. It would be rather insensitive on his part, and that was one characteristic Jackson didn't want to make himself known for. Especially not with his girlfriend at a dangerously rocky point in their relatively new relationship.

"Thinking about it maybe I should call Guiness," Alex went off, "You're probably setting the world record for no sex in a stable relationship at your age. But then some religious guys might top you at that, so maybe... the Ellen show?"

"Doesn't Ellen showcase funny stories? I don't see how any of what happened in Boston is funny," Jackson muttered. Inwardly, he scolded himself for even entertaining him.

Alex' face turned dead serious. He even stopped rocking his chair back and forth. Instead, he let its feet rest in their destined position and looked Jackson straight into the eye. It was slightly unsettling.

"It's a kind of funny story."

"How is ' _My girlfriend's child had a near death experience in my mom's pool_ ' a funny story?"

"It's not. But ' _I saved my girlfriend's child from drowning and she still doesn't put out for me_ ' is," Alex retorted. As was expected he cracked up at his own joke immediately.

Looking up from her salad without any reminders of (natural) blush on her cheeks, Arizona shook her head. "You're unbelievable. April suffered through one of the most traumatizing experiences in her life. That's not funny at all." In a casual tone she added: "And if you joke about it around her, you'll regret it."

"Whatever. You guys don't have any humor." Butthurt as he was Alex took his tablet and rose from his seat heading off with his food. His choice of relocation surprised both his mentor and, kinda, friend.

"Unbelievable," Jackson commented as he watched Alex sit down next to the nurse whose hair he had graced with fries minutes ago.

"I take it she's not on his record already," Arizona concluded.

It was funny. He didn't find the strength to laugh, though. Alex' words had hit closer to home than Jackson liked to admit. Right now, there wasn't even a second base to speak off. April had given him the cold shoulder after the accident, even after positive outcome was a guarantee. Well. Not immediately after the accident. But once he suggested it would be a good time to call Levi's dad he was out. After she yelled at him to get out of the hospital among Ygritte worthy "You know nothing"-screamcapades he received two days of the silent treatment. No texts, no calls, no nothing. On day three she told him she was coming back to his mother's house via text. She also demanded that he wouldn't be there when she got back. So, Jackson, following his mother's advice to give his girlfriend space more than his girlfriend's request, returned to Seattle only three days after the accident. There he spent another week without contact, worrying his ass off until April called him Saturday at four a.m. To be fair that was seven where she was and it really relieved him to finally talk to her, but still. In spite of his sleepy disposition they made up as much as one could via telephone. Hopeful (or stupid, depending on who you ask) as he was after he thought they were all good. However, when he offered to pick them up from the airport the following Thursday April declined. She'd been back for two whole days when they saw each other on Saturday. Two whole days filled with excuses of why she couldn't see him before. And then she didn't even let him kiss her on the lips, didn't even consider spending the night, although the boys begged her to.

Jackson was confused. He wasn't happy, or ready to laugh. Not yet.

That instant something very strange happened. Arizona took his hand. And then, to top it off, she offered advice to him.

"Hey. I know it isn't easy for either of you right now. The whole thing brought up some memories and... questions April would rather leave unanswered. It might be a while until she does, and that while might be difficult for you two. Just remember the sun will come out tomorrow."

He raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? _Annie_?"

The blonde woman shrugged. "Sofia is into musicals at the moment," she explained nonchalantly. "There's some truth to it, though. There wouldn't be a rainbow without rain."

Jackson laughed dryly. "I don't think water analogies are the best thing right now."

"Oh, right. Sorry." She pursed her lips thinking. "It needs to be summer for Nike to release a new collection?"

His smile stayed on his face at her attempt to cheer him up. It was nice to know that April had found such a good friend in Arizona. Only the very best friends try to cheer up their friend's partner when their friend just can't put their mind to it.

"No... That's not what it's like at all. Thank you, though. I appreciate it."

"Anytime," Arizona nodded. "I need to keep you on the good side in order to have a good babysitter plan for date night, after all."

Talking about dates immediately wiped the smile off Jackson's face. He wasn't even sure if at this point April would ever agree to a date with him again, one without the boys.

Luckily, he didn't have any time to ponder on the thought, because the person that occupied his mind on sleepless nights arrived at their table that very moment.

"Hey guys," April greeted before she sat down. No kiss on the cheek whatsoever. Not that he'd expected it at this point.

"Hey, April. How's your first day back?"

"Brilliant," the redhead praised with a broad smile on her face. Not as broad as they used to be, but broader than those she'd given Jackson over the weekend for sure. "I've already finished up two surgeries."

"Sounds like a blast," her friend replied in a way only doctors can reply to health problems.

April nodded excitedly as she unpacked her sandwich. It was the same kind Jackson had gotten. "Definitely better than the food poisoned office."

"Food poisoned office?" Jackson asked with a raised eyebrow.

Again, she nodded. "Farewell party of the colleague who hated them all and therefore put some nasty stuff into the cake. Edwards got puked on three times in an hour." She snickered. Arizona joined in.

"Those intern days." The blonde shook her head.

"Glad they're over," her friend stated solemnly.

Arizona nodded. "Amen to that, sister."

"Hey, don't use the Lord's word in vain," the redhead scolded playfully. How Jackson wished _they_ could interact like that again.

"Anyway," she continued more seriously, "There's a motorbike-handlebar hernia coming up in..." She checked her watch then concluded: "Seven minutes."

Arizona raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing chatting with us then?"

Woefully, April sighed. "I can't do it. I've got to pick up Levi before it's going to be over."

Jackson realized immediately what this meant. An opportunity for him to redeem himself and for April to be part of a surgery that excited her. Win win.

"I could pick him up for you," he offered before taking another bite of his sandwich.

"Really?"

Her face was hard to read for him, nowadays. He couldn't tell whether she was suspicious or hopeful. Judging by her recent mood swings concerning him it might go either way.

"I mean, only if you want me to-"

"I'd _love_ you to," she cut in with a big smile. Obviously she had no idea how it made him feel to hear this word tossed around in her mouth when she didn't even allow him a kiss on the lips. "But only if it's really okay with you. I mean, being alone with both boys..."

"I don't mind," Jackson reassured her, "I can handle two four-year-olds."

She worried her lower lip for a second. Apparently she wasn't as sure of that as he was. Then, could he blame her? When the boys walked out on them she had been the one changing behind closed doors at the other end of the house. He'd been the one with a view of the pool only two steps away.

"Okay." April nodded, speaking the unthinkable. Maybe she did trust him after all. "Thanks, Jackson."

And then, to top it of, she _did_ the unthinkable: she kissed him. Not just on the cheek. Square on the mouth. Right in front of Arizona. Right in front of everyone who bothered looking. Even before the accident she'd never allowed him any PDA at work. That hernia had to be something else.

"I'll come pick him up as soon as I get off," she promised hurrying off.

"Wait, April, you forgot your..." She was already out of earshot. "...tray."

Arizona smiled that huge grin of hers for him. "See? I told you she'd come around."

"More like a motorbike accident came around," Jackson commented. Nevertheless he couldn't wipe the smile of his face for the rest of the day.

* * *

"What do you mean there's no kid with that name?" Jackson asked, smile wiped off his face. He was fed up with the new kindergarten guy. Yes, Linda had been exposed to be an alcoholic so it was good she was now taking care of herself rather than young children. But even in her darkest days Linda had never forgotten the kids in her class.

Dave, the new teacher, sighed. "Mr. Avery, there is no child called Levi Kepner in my class."

Jackson shook his head in disbelief. "Just because he didn't come for two weeks you completely forgot about him?"

"Are you sure he's not in Daisy's class, Sir? Maybe he's switched classes and his mom forgot to tell you about it," Dave argued as gently as he could. Obviously, he was just as annoyed by the whole situation as Jackson was.

"No, Dave," Jackson said. It was weird really how the kindergarten teachers insisted on calling the parents by their last names while being called by their first names themselves. In the early days they'd all been on first name basis, but then Ginny Furlow slept with her son's kindergarten teacher and Ginny Furlow's husband insisted that it was all rooted in the first name thing, not in their failed marriage. "I'm positive Levi's in this class. His mother told me to pick him up specifically from this class our son's share. She said she was writing you an e-mail to let you know in advance."

"An e-mail?" Dave pulled out his phone to check. He scrolled for a moment before his fingers stopped. Then he quickly read through the e-mail he'd just opened. "Oh, Levi _Taylor._ Now that makes sense."

He got up from his seat. "I'll go get them for you from the backyard, Mr. Avery. Just a second."

Jackson barely acknowledged the other man's leaving. Levi _Taylor_? But April's coat said Kepner and so did her ID and... Then it hit him. Taylor was her husband's last name. Whoever Taylor was Levi's father. This ruled out Riggs, whom Jackson had suspected ever since he heard Levi's middle name – Nathaniel. This ruled out a lot of people, actually. Sadly, it didn't help Jackson to finally learn who April's husband was. He knew no one with that name and had never heard April talk about somebody of that name. He wondered-

"Daddy!"

"Oh, hey Cas! Hi, Levi! How are you guys?"

"Hungry," Casper told him stretching the uh sound for emphasis. "Levi and his mom have pizza day today. Can we go with?"

Jackson scratched the back of his head. Somehow April had forgotten to mention that part when she agreed for him to pick Levi up. Well, whatever. It wasn't like Jackson liked eating leftovers out of tupperware anyway. Even if they were made by the best badass trauma surgeon / cook he knew, it was still depressing.

"April is not coming today, she's still at work," Jackson explained to the boys. "I'm actually here to pick both of you up. But we can still get pizza."

"Yay, pizza," Casper cheered. Slowly but surely they'd made their way over to the clothing hooks. Now Jackson was busy tieing his son's junior Air Jordan's.

Levi sat next to his friend on the bench, but he didn't budge.

"Mommy isn't coming?" His question was a mere whisper, yet Jackson managed to pick it up. As well as the tears that were forming in Levi's dark eyes. And his trembling chin. Oh no.

"Hey, Levi, hey, buddy. Mommy is not coming right now, because she's still at work. But she'll come pick you up as soon as she's done. Honest," Jackson promised.

"As soon as she's done?"

"As soon as she's done. She really wanted to come, Levi. She just had to help the hurt people first, just like she helped you when you were hurt, remember?"

Levi nodded slowly.

"So as soon as she's done making other people feel better she'll come get you. And until then, the three of us can have a boy's night," Jackson said.

Both boys made huge eyes. They'd been introduced to the concept of a boy's day already, but they'd never partaken in a boy's _night_. Obviously that had to be so much cooler than a normal sleepover. It sounded like something for older boys, or at least Jackson hoped it did. Lately, being like the older kids at swim class was all that kept Casper interested in the sport. According to the relevant works this was perfectly normal for his age.

"Boy's night?" Casper asked for confirmation in a voice resembling April's when she prayed out loud. Not that Jackson had ever accidentally eavesdropped on her when she did that.

"Yes," Jackson confirmed as he went on to tie Levi's shoelaces. "And you know with what boy's night starts?"

The boys shook their heads fervently.

Jackson grinned. "Pizza."

* * *

Their children had long gone to bed when April arrived at Jackson's. She looked exhausted, but happy. There was also a huge spot of blood on her shirt that would have concerned him hadn't he been aware of her profession.

"Did the hospital run out of surgery gowns?" he teased as she entered.

April looked down at her shirt. "Oh god, no. I was heading out when this patient arrived with his hand pressed to his arm... long story short I was standing too close when he took his hand away." She sighed. "There was no change of clothes in my locker, I guess I forgot to put another one in after Memorial Day. Then we had to rush him into surgery because he was going hypertensive and then I just forgot about it... So, here I am."

Jackson shook his head and chuckled. "You can't take Levi home looking like this."

After a critical self inspection she pulled a face. "I really can't, can I?"

"You'll have to wake him up either way, so I guess it doesn't matter whether it takes a few more minutes. C'mon, let's see if I've got something that fits you," he offered walking off into the direction of his bedroom.

April followed easily. She knew the way. They hadn't slept together yet, not in that sense. But in the other they had shared a few nights together. Not many, but enough for her to not suspect him to jump her bones the second they entered his bedroom.

Jackson wasn't actually sure whether he had something that would work on April. She was tiny compared to him and really damn skinny on top of that.

"Eureka," he called out when he finally got hold of the shirt he'd been looking for. It was a band shirt that due to low quality had shrunk in the laundry. Since he loved the band too much to throw it away he'd kept it, hoping maybe Casper might take after him in music taste and wear it some day.

" _Demon days_?" April commented pulling a face.

"Don't judge them by the title. It's actually pretty good," he assured. "Besides I don't think I've got anything else that will fit you."

"True. Thanks, Jackson." She shrugged her shirt off to put his on. Today the bra she was wearing was pink with white polka dots. He recalled her telling him about this one. She loved it, because it was pink and she couldn't wear pink in regular clothes with her hair. However, it worked perfectly fine in underwear.

He sighed. Thank God she wasn't into progress. If she'd been available in that way tonight it might have distracted him too much from what he wanted to talk about (hey, even the best guys can't always control themselves around their beautiful partners). And he needed to talk so badly.

"April?"

"Mh?" She stood in front of the mirror, tucking the shirt into her jeans to see whether that would look better. Usually, she never wore t-shirts like this. Some experimentation was necessary.

"There was a problem when I picked up Levi today," Jackson said. The moment he said it he already regretted the way he'd said it.

April's eyes went wide, she spun around as if hit by lightening. "What happened? Is he okay?"

"Yes. Yes, sorry, April. He's fine. He's sound asleep in Casper's room. Sorry."

She released a breath then for a second or so continued to breathe heavily. Finally she said: "It's okay. I mean... that's good. I'm okay."

"Jeez, April, I'm sorry," Jackson repeated remorse hitting hard. "I didn't mean to alarm you..."

"It's fine," she reassured sitting down next to her boyfriend on her boyfriend's bed. "So. What was the problem?"

Jackson licked his lips. Now or never.

"His name. There was no child called Levi Kepner."

She blinked her eyes. Once. Twice. Three times. Then she dropped her gaze to her lap and whispered: "Oh."

"They told me it's not Kepner," he continued, "It's Taylor."

For a moment she closed her eyes. When she opened them her voice was loud and clear and calm.

"Taylor is his dad's last name. That's why it's his last name."

"I figured," Jackson replied. It had been kind of obvious after all.

"I figured you'd figured," she mumbled, her gaze fixed on the fidgeting hands on her lap.

Apparently, getting her to talk would take some doing, as usual.

"April, I know you don't like to talk about your... husband and I've respected that-"

"Which I'm very grateful of," she reminded him, "As it is most considerate of you."

"Yes... but. At this point in our relationship I think..." He sighed, running a hand over his shaved head. He hated doing this. Right now, though, he didn't feel like he had much of a choice. He couldn't lose himself for her. His younger self might have done so in a relationship. Now he was a father. Casper depended on him to be happy. Jackson would have a hard time securing his son's happiness if he was depressed with his own life. "You need to talk to me, April. You need to be honest with me or there's... there's really no point in continuing this."

For confirmation he turned his head to look at her. He immediately regretted doing so. She looked devastated, shocked, overtaken by his words.

"What?"

"April. I... I'm falling for you. Hard. And I shouldn't. Not if you're not in this, like I am, I shouldn't-"

Her hands desperately grabbing his stopped him in his beginning rant.

"I'm in this," she told him insistently, "Please Jackson, I just..."

"You don't trust me."

"I do. I trusted you with Levi today!"

Jackson shook his head. He knew that this was probably not going to have a good outcome. Yet continuing mattered all the more. If they broke up and without taking anything from their experience it would feel even worse. "You had second thoughts for a moment, just a moment. But I... I don't have that with you, ever. I'd do everything for you, April, and it's scary. I'd quit my job and travel the world with you. I'd put you in my testament as Casper's guardian before my mom. I'd jump in front of a car if it was heading your way just to save you... And that's what's going to come get me when one day your mysterious husband shows up-"

"He's not mysterious," April whispered tears evident in her watery eyes. "And he's not just going to show up and take me with him. He..." She took a deep breath and fluttered her eyelids to stop the tears. "He's not going to do that."

Jackson threw his hands up in frustration, his voice rose as they continued their argument. "So what is he going to do? What, April? Because I've got no clue. I'm like the bird in the hand, but what if you get the two from the bush back? What then?"

"I don't know, Jackson," she screamed back at him, "I don't know, because I don't allow myself to think that he might ever come back!"

"So what? He walked out on you?"

April shook her head, violently. "No. He'd never. He wouldn't-" The tears were falling freely now, leaving new spots of a whole different kind on her fresh shirt.

"What?" Jackson pushed, although he felt slightly bad for it. Obviously, she wasn't comfortable with their conversation at all. "Where is he? What happened to him? Is he dead?"

That caught her attention. She looked up and their eyes locked.

"He's dead?" he repeated, his voice hoarse. It would make sense. Losing your husband before the birth of your child would be traumatizing. Hell, losing your husband at any point of your life could be traumatizing. At their age it had likely been an accident, unexpected. He could just picture April preparing her baby announcement. _She would have just finished dinner. The sonogram would sit against a prominent water bottle with a speech bubble that said 'No, wine for me, thanks' attached to it. She loved crafts like this. The moment she'd return to the stove for sauce tasting her phone would ring. She would answer. "Hello?" she'd say, "Yes, this is his wife speaking..." She'd drop the spoon into the sauce, her shirt gaining fresh dark red spots._

The whisper from April's lips was so tiny, so quiet it was almost silent. He didn't understand a word.

"What did you say?" he asked, his tone much gentler than it had been before.

"I don't know."

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you're still reading after the finale. I don't know if there's hope for Japril on the show, but there's hope for Japril in this fic. I'd love to hear your thoughts and theories. :) I also cleaned up the older chapters in case you've forgotten the backstory and would like to re-read after almost 20 days without an update (Sorry about that, I'll try to do better).**


	9. July 6th 2015

**July 6** **th** **2015, Monday.**

* * *

"I don't know," April muttered as she lowered herself back onto the edge of her boyfriend's bed. As she clasped her hands in her lap she asked herself for what must have been the hundredth time since she met Jackson why it was so hard to talk to him about this.

Sure, 'my husband is missing in action and I don't have a clue whether he's ever coming back, I don't even know whether he's alive' could hardly qualify for drinks conversation. However it wasn't like she avoided talking about it.

At the hospital a lot of people knew. Owen and Nathan, for obvious reasons. Arizona, because April told her over a lot of drinks in what must have been the beginning of her second month at the hospital. Callie, because Arizona told her. Amelia, because Levi told her when she first met him and she asked. Meredith, because the dinner party Levi told his self-appointed godmother (he figured the wife of his godfather had to be his godmother) was hosted by her. Maggie, because she had been there as well. Even Richard knew as he had been there because, apparently, he was related to Maggie. And since Richard knew it was safe to say Catherine knew also. Out of all the people who could have been unaware of her situation, it was her boyfriend who was.

It wasn't fair. She should have told him. She _knew_ she should have told him. Right from the beginning, really, so he could make up his mind on whether he'd date a woman who was still sort of holding on to the hope that her husband would one day return to her. Which is why she hadn't told him, why she couldn't tell him. What if he did make up his mind and left her?

After Matthew went missing she'd felt like the world came crashing down around her. They met when she was 19. He'd been her first real boyfriend, first real everything. Both of them waited until marriage, and they got married early after four years of dating. Then he started his military career and she continued med school. Immediately after she'd finished she signed up to the army like him so they could see more of each other. Two incredible years of service in Jordan followed. All with him. At that time, despite living in a war zone, April couldn't imagine a place she'd rather be.

"I'm sorry, Jackson," she said, suddenly aware of him sitting beside her again. "I should have told you earlier, I know, I just... I couldn't. I'm sorry. There's really no excuse."

Out of the corner of her eye she could see him biting down on his lower lip, clearly uncomfortable. Perhaps he was a bit ashamed himself about ambushing her like he had. To her his approach, so unlike him, suggested desperation. It broke her heart to know she'd put him into such a hard place when really that was the last thing she'd ever wanted to do.

For a moment Jackson continued to worry his lip then he let go, and asked in a small voice: "Did you plan on ever telling me?"

"Of course," she answered instantly. To April it had been a matter of fact that at one point she would have to tell him. She wasn't delirious, and neither was Jackson. Eventually, he would have figured it out one way or the other and that... it wouldn't have been good. _Well_. It wasn't going so well right now. "I think I was waiting for the right moment." She snorted, thinking about the other right moment she waited for that could easily be blamed for ruining her whole life. "There's no such thing as that, I know..."

"No... no, there really isn't."

Silence filled the void between them as they both wondered about their personal right moment and how much it had fucked up all of their precious plans. For April it was the choice not to tell her husband the news of their life over the phone when she could have, because she selfishly wanted for him to learn through the 'World's greatest dad'-shirt she'd sent him. For Jackson, she could only guess. But if she was to take a guess, she'd say it was Casper. His mother, as much she knew, had left them as soon as she'd had the baby. So for Jackson having a son at this time of his life, all by himself couldn't have been easy. However, in comparison to what came out of April's right moment she thought he was probably happier about his choice.

"I should probably tell you everything now. Might as well." She stole a glance at him, looking for some kind of indication as to what he expected of her. He didn't move. Apparently, he didn't expect anything from her anymore. She could hardly blame him.

"We met in college," April told him nevertheless. Whether he wanted to hear it or not, he was going to. Unless he left the room, of course, but she didn't think he could be rude like that. "We dated all through our pre-med years, then we got married. I went on to med school while Matthew went on to the army, like his dad. He's a paramedic."

Jackson blinked at the use of present tense. To April it was normal. Matthew wasn't dead. He couldn't be. It didn't matter how long he'd been missing, or how terribly hopeless the situation in which he'd gone missing seemed. He had to come back. The hope was what had always kept her going... until she met Jackson, that was.

"I pushed through med school in five years and signed up right after. He only ever got home once half a year. I hated that we barely got to see each other. Since I wanted to go into trauma anyway I figured doing it abroad would be just the same, except it wasn't." Despite the overall nature of the story she was telling, a broad smile appeared on April's face. It usually did when she talked about Jordan. "It was so much better. We stayed for two years, and I loved every second of it."

"But you didn't go back," Jackson put in. It seemed like he had not only been listening, but also doing the math. Count Chocula would approve.

April shook her head, her gaze dropping back to her hands, back to her ring finger where the light stripe on her skin was very visible to whoever cared to shower it with enough attention.

"I had to do a few official resident exams, which I couldn't do back in Jordan. Matthew returned to Jordan at the end of July, after we'd been back for two months. I was scheduled to stay until September, but then I found out I was pregnant..."

She sighed. It was a happy memory. At least, if she thought back to the very first day on which an intern returned the results to a blood test he'd done on her, it had been. Kids were always a part of the plan they plotted together; back in his dorm room the night they got engaged, lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. Matthew wanted two, April three. He agreed to have a third if she still wanted one after two. Charlotte was the name he liked for a girl, and the middle names should be related to their best friends. This had only been fantasies, though. None of it was serious until she read "pregnant" on a sheet next to her name. That had been real, and exciting, and happy. And she'd wanted so badly to share these feelings with the one person she loved the most in the most accurate way she could think of. Thinking back, she wished she'd been more practical.

"Obviously, I couldn't return to a combat zone pregnant. So I got my service delayed until further notice, but really for me it was clear that I wasn't going back ever. I could never leave my child for that long..."

Again, she cast a glance at Jackson who'd tensed up when she brought up leaving her child. She wondered briefly whether he'd done it. Left Casper. She chalked it off quickly. Jackson loved that boy more than he loved himself. He'd never leave him.

"I got a package ready for Matthew." April herself was surprised how steady and clinical her voice sounded as she recounted these particular events. Of course, after years of telling the same story over and over again it got a little easier, but usually she'd still tear up at the end. Right now, she found herself more exhausted than sad. "I bought a shirt saying 'World's greatest dad' and packed it along with the first ultrasound and a letter with instructions. I wanted him to call me when he got it and only unwrap it once he was on the phone with me. I wanted to listen to his excitement. I wanted to see him wearing the shirt. I wanted to do right by him. I..." She shook her head. "I was stupid."

Jackson, in return, shook his head more vividly. "No, you weren't."

Knowingly, April cracked a sad smile. She looked at him directly for the rest. He deserved it.

"I was. Stupid and selfish. Matthew called me, the night before he went missing. I could have told him then, but the package hadn't arrived. It was arriving on the next plane, the plane I should have been on in the first place." Her head flew as the ponytail would allow when she shook her head. Even after all these years her disbelief at her own actions didn't cease. "I wanted so badly for the package to tell him that I waited. I didn't say anything. Not that I wasn't coming, not that I was pregnant, nothing. I pretended as if everything was perfectly normal, and he believed me. He believed me, went on a mission with some fellow soldiers and never came back."

At this point she could feel the tears building behind her eyes. It would have been crazy had there been none. It would have also been the first time. She took a deep breath in before finishing.

"There was an attack on their troops. Twenty-one were killed, nine went missing. To this day only one of those missing has been found."

"Alive?"

"Dead. And skinned." When Jackson's eyes grew to the size of saucers it dawned on her that she could have left out the second part. Not everyone had had the time to grow accustomed to scenarios like skinned corpses lying around in the desert.

"Oh," Jackson uttered, his eyes dropping from her face to the ground.

The tears were running down her cheeks now, she couldn't stop them. Yet she wasn't bawling or crying loudly. It was all happening without a sound, silently. Just like Matthew had disappeared.

April had told her story. Now all she could do was wait for Jackson to awkwardly declare that he didn't stand a chance against her MIA husband; that he couldn't love her if their future was uncertain as it was; that it would probably be best if she got Levi and got going. Out of his house. Out of his life.

Jackson didn't do any of that. He didn't move, he didn't speak. At least, not for a while. Then he looked back up at her.

"Does Levi know?"

This question took her completely by surprise. Then, it shouldn't have. Jackson's concern for Levi equaled this April would like to think Matthew would have had for him had he known him. The way he acted at the hospital after the near drowning incident was telling. Yes, April had been wrong to call their nurse racist when she questioned Jackson's paternity. That very moment, though, April had herself so close to believing he actually was Levi's father she couldn't see straight.

"I... uhm... Yeah. We've never kept it a secret from him in our family. I mean... he doesn't know all the details, but he knows his dad went missing before he was born. And that it might take some time for him to get back home. I don't think he really understood it for a while... last year we watched _Finding Nemo_ and since then he just tells people his dad is like Nemo. The only difference is that he's not found his way home yet. We're kind of in the middle of the movie with the vegetarian sharks in the old ship..." she trailed off, well aware that she was, yet again, rambling.

Jackson nodded thoughtfully.

"I told Casper his mother's dead," he told her flat out, lacking any emotion.

"But she isn't...?"

He shook his head. "Might as well be. I don't know where she is or what she does." He sighed. "Mara..." The name rolled off his tongue like a long forgotten cluster of syllables. In spite of himself, as if he didn't want to say it. It was what April always imagined Harry Potter would sound like pronouncing an unforgivable curse. The irony of how close Mara sounded to Mama also struck her. "She never wanted him, but I didn't see that then. I thought we'd be happy. It was unplanned, sure, but I really believed we were in this together. What do you know. Left the day he was born, never came back or tried to keep in touch. So to me and him, she's dead."

April bit her lower lip. To her this was absolutely not the right thing to tell Casper. Especially considering how that had played out for Harry Potter. However, she didn't feel like she was in a position to judge given the way she'd been sugarcoating her personal life to make her relationship with Jackson easier (and how did that turn out again...?).

"Well... uh, Levi knows. As much as he can, he... knows," she replied weakly.

Again, Jackson simply nodded. Obviously, this was a lot of information for him to process. Maybe he was still trying to find the right words to tell her to leave his house, his life without any further notice. Not that any word would ever feel right in her ears.

She stared straight ahead into his closet. Somehow it was still all his, although she'd spent a few nights, sometimes in a row, at his. Sharing a closet was something she'd only ever done with Matthew, which made it problematic to start doing it with another man. The only thing she could safely do with Jackson without blaming herself for doing it was everything that stayed above the waist and included clothes, since she'd done that before Matthew. Everything else was attached to treasured memories she desperately sought to keep. After kissing Jackson for the first time the memory of what kissing Matthew was like faded until it was completely forgotten. She couldn't let that happen to everything else. She also couldn't ask Jackson to understand. She'd asked so much of him already.

"So, you're hesitant about us because you think he might come back?"

Of course, Jackson had to ask the one question which she didn't want to answer at all.

"I don't know whether he'll ever come back," she admitted.

It felt like it was the first time she said it out loud. It probably was. There was no one she could really talk to about it all. Her parents-in-law kept talking about God's plan, and that Matthew would come back just in time. Her own parents had pushed her to move on for years, which eventually caused her to leave Moline. To them Matthew going missing had been equal to Matthew being dead. Since he'd been the one to 'lure' their little girl into joining the army they'd never been considerably fond of him. Most of her closer friends were linked to the army in one way or another, which meant army rules. Talking about the possibility of one of them having fallen was a no go. She learned that when she first joined a support group for military spouses, whose spouses had gone MIA. All they talked about was how they were holding up the facade of a life. April was already doing that 24/7. She didn't need to talk about it in the little free time she had between her baby and her job, no matter what her therapist said.

Jackson's green eyes on her made the hairs on her skin stand up. Thinking about it frightened her, but there was also another feeling in the mix: relief. It frightened her even more. Could she really be relieved at the possibility of her husband's death?

"It must be hard," Jackson eventually stated.

April huffed. "You have no idea."

"No, I guess I don't." There was a sadness in his voice that made her retreat immediately.

"I mean... I don't mean it like that. It's just... it's difficult, but I'm sure you... I mean it's different to what you've gone through, but you've gone through stuff, too..."

"April, it's fine. Don't bother. I don't have an idea what it's like for you. Sometimes you just don't," he reassured, his voice quiet.

She grabbed his hands. "But I want you to have one, Jackson. I want you to..."

"...understand?"

Shaking her head she told him: "Not necessarily. My feelings..." She sighed. "They're confusing. Most of the time I don't even understand them. I mean. I loved... love Matthew, I guess. And I thought we'd be it. Him and me against the world forever. That's what I thought. Then he... disappeared, and after I got over it, well not over it exactly but like moved on enough to function again, I focused all my energy on Levi. Him and me against the world until, maybe, Matthew would come back. But then we moved and I met you and I... I had a hard time adjusting to that. I still do."

"I get that."

She raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, the you and Levi part." He ran a hand over the back of his head and sighed. "After Casper was born I tried to date other women. It just didn't work out. I learned to put him first, everything else second. It's still like that and that's why... that's why we cannot work out if one day you'll just pack up your stuff and walk out on us like his mom did."

"I would never do that," April defended herself immediately.

"You say that," Jackson put in gently, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. "But do you know that?"

Did she? No. There was no way she could tell what would happen if Matthew came back. Had someone asked her half a year ago answering would have been easy. Her husband, her son and her. They'd finally be a family. Now, though there was a new hope (no Star Wars pun intended). Hope for something else that didn't include the most improbable scenario out there. A new family.

"I don't know anything," she confessed meeting his eyes. "Nobody ever does. Matthew might come back tomorrow. He might have also been bombed up in the attack and we'd be none the wiser. I might want to be with you, and we might break up over something that doesn't even involve him like hogging blankets or stuff like that..."

"You do hog your blankets."

He was trying to be funny, but she remained serious. "Jackson, the point is I've been caught up in all of these thoughts. Every move I ever made on you was related to a thought about how it would all play out once Matthew returned. I can't go forward as long as my past keeps pulling me backwards. I can't tell you what you need to hear when I can't find the words to say it. I can't ever reassure you completely when I allow myself to hope, and Jackson... I can't will myself to stop hoping."

The slight smile on Jackson's face dropped in an instant. They sat in the darkness as he contemplated what she'd told him. April savored his hovering touch on her hand. After all, this was likely the last time she'd feel it.

Maybe she'd move back to Ohio. Seeing Jackson around the hospital and at school would be too painful to bear as the years ran by without him _or_ Matthew. She had to get back to the place where Levi was all that mattered; everything else was just décor. That place had been safe, happy. She needed to get back there before she lost the way completely.

"So this is it?" he finally voiced the question burning in both their throats.

"I guess this is it," she agreed.

Jackson heaved a sigh. She'd try to remember what he sounded like sighing. She didn't remember what Matthew sounded like sighing anymore.

"Okay," he muttered.

"Okay, what?"

"You've been honest. That's all I asked. I think I'll be fine knowing you don't know what you'd do if he came back. Just please... promise me you'll talk to me if something changes? I can't do it kept in the dark like this... no pun intended. We should probably turn on more lights."

"Jackson..." Her voice broke. At the moment, she couldn't care less.

"I meant what I said, April. If you're not ready to give up on me yet, I won't give up on us, neither."

Before he could add more, she crushed him in a hug that got his shirt soaked with tears. It was probably covered in more spots than her own at this point. For a while they remained sitting on his bed like that, in each others arms, April crying, Jackson accepting all he'd learned that night.

"It's late," he told her once she'd calmed down significantly. "Let's go to sleep. And no hogging blankets."

"I can't promise that," she murmured against his shirt, unwilling to let go just yet.

"That's enough for me," he assured her before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

And for the first time in forever, it was.

* * *

 **A/N: This is the, granted, slightly cheesy conclusion of what was supposed to be Part 1 of this story. However, since the interest in Japril has obviously decreased since the Season finale, I don't think I'll actually write up the second part. I believe this is a nice ending.**

 **Thank you to everyone, who followed, favored and reviewed the story. Especially, those among you who reviewed several chapters like wibbi, MPFOX, MelMel1234, FaziO, , DPIH and shawnakat1. It really means a lot to me.**

 **I'm very happy with how this turned out, and I hope you, too, like it. :)**


	10. August 25th 2015

**A/N: In celebration of this fic hittign 10k I've decided to pick it up again. It might not be as regular as before and the topics might get a little darker, but it is definitely headng somewhere. Let me know your thoughts on what you think is going to happen / what you want to see happen / who you want to see get involved / etc. etc. - but most importantly: Enjoy :)!**

* * *

On Wednesdays some people wear pink to pay tribute to a movie from a time before Lindsay Lohan went through the roof (not in the famous, but more in the baked sense). Some other people prefer to wear black paying tribute to a movie from a time before Cristina Ricci grew up (but not in size). Jackson couldn't care less about which color the shirt he was wearing this Wednesday was. He cared more about the color of the sign attached to his son's school's entrance. Actually, he didn't care so much about the color of the sign, neither. He cared about what it said.

 _Dear Parent(s)/Guardian(s),_

 _Corresponding with the e-mail we sent out yesterday, we can now confirm there is an outbreak of chickenpox at our school. This has been confirmed by the Public Health Inspector of Seattle._

 _We have been advised to close the school from today Wednesday 25_ _th_ _August 2015 until further notice._

 _We apologize for any subsequent inconvenience._

Jackson couldn't believe it.

"Can you believe this?" a mother standing next to him with a baby on her hip and one child at her hand asked him.

He shook his head.

"If they'd sent that e-mail yesterday, I surely would have read it," she went on. "Not that I get a lot of time between these two to check frequently... but who am I talking to? You probably know the drill."

He didn't. Checking his e-mails was something he liked to do at work and found very tiring to do at home. If the e-mails he was getting weren't work related they were either spam or reminders for public events his family wanted him to attend (which, technically, was work). His friends, not that he had many, mostly communicated via messenger; facebook, whatsapp and the like (Just because you're not born a digital native doesn't mean you cannot aspire to be one. Jackson even had telegram, the one with the moving animation thingies.). Checking his e-mails definitely wasn't a thing he knew the drill of.

"It's strange," he wondered out loud either way, "April should have told me about this."

"April?" The mother, he was pretty sure by now that he was supposed to know her but he couldn't put his finger on where from, raised an eyebrow.

"Our sons are in the same class," Jackson explained. Maybe this woman's son was also in their class. A shadow of recognition seemed to pass her face. However, she remained skeptical (and her eyebrows raised).

"So she should have told you about this because...?"

Oh. Yeah. Looking at it from the outside in it didn't necessarily make sense. Except if April was the head parent, informing everybody about everything, that was. But she wasn't. They didn't even have a head parent.

"She's my girlfriend," he added.

Against his intention this didn't seem to soothe this woman, whom by now he was pretty sure was the mother of a son who shared a class with his son. "Are you talking about April from 2A?"

"Uhm... yeah?" Jackson shifted a little on his feet to adjust Casper's weight. At four he wasn't too heavy yet, but getting heavy. Soon being carried into class when passed out after the ride to school wouldn't be an option anymore. They probably didn't allow that in K1 anyway, so this was probably just your average circle of life.

Mother of the year, on the other hand, didn't seem to have any trouble holding her baby _and_ her child's hand simultaneously. They looked pretty perfect, actually. Wait, was the boy scratching his neck...  
"You're telling me you're dating a _married_ woman?"

Jackson's gaze immediately shifted from the itch-worrying boy to his mother. "Sorry what?"

"April _Taylor_. You're talking about her, aren't you? She's married."

He gulped. It surprised him how much this woman he didn't know knew. April had admitted that she hadn't kept it a secret around the hospital staff – but the mothers of their kindergarten class, the grown up Serena Van der Woodsens apparently working towards a job at US weekly? Telling them didn't seem wise, and therefore, not like something April would do at all.

"Who told you that?" Jackson asked in timid hopes of his voice not giving away how nervous he was about this, when in fact he could feel the sweat forming, ready to run down his forehead and give him away. Despite the season it wasn't especially hot.

"Oh, no one, in particular" she immediately refuted. "It's more like common knowledge. The basics. You want to know to whose houses your children go to, you know?"

No, he didn't know. Well, he knew, but he'd usually just organize for the first play date to also be a parent's date so he could judge for himself.

"So." She gave him an anticipatory look. "Is she?"

Again, Jackson didn't know what to say. April hadn't prepared him for this kind of an ambush. De facto, they hadn't spoken a lot about the whole issue since she first came clear about it. Now he could only regret this circumstance caused by his selfish fear of knowing things he didn't want to know. "I... uhm..."

Much like he didn't believe in wearing clothes according to movies, Jackson didn't believe in the concept of Deus ex machina in the arts. He believed it to be dull, boring, much too dated (After all, Aristoteles was as dead as his language). Whether he believed in it or not, the ringing of his phone saved him a lot like a God usually did in the old Greeks' plays.

"Sorry, I've gotta take this," he excused himself, "Duty calls."  
After giving one more apologetic shrug he took the call as he started walking back towards the safety of his car. Away from curious mothers and their potentially highly contagious children.

"Hello."

"Good morning, Jackson."

Back when he took the call he'd already seen her name on the display, obviously. However, hearing her voice was so much better.

"Good morning to you too," he replied, a smile on his face. Hopefully it wasn't so big that it would give him away to the mother who was still watching him. For whatever reason her two children didn't seem to keep her as busy as previously claimed. "Did you sleep well last night?"

"Mh-mh," she confirmed. He could picture the nod accompanying her... words? Sounds? Whatever. He had to keep his facial expressions in check. "Missed you."

"Aw, I missed you too, babe."

For the last two months or so they'd spent almost every night together. The other day April had had her parents-in-law over for dinner, which broke their spell. She wasn't ready to tell them yet, and he really couldn't blame her. _I'm sorry your son's still missing, but hey I guess I'm moving on, you don't mind, do you?_ really didn't seem like the easiest thing to tell your in-laws. Not that he, never having experienced anything like in-laws, would know.

"You can come over today if you like," Jackson offered. The phone was now between his ear and shoulder as he used his free hand to open the backdoor. He continued to hold it there as he buckled Casper in. Amazingly enough the four-year-old remained asleep during the whole ordeal. It was kinda sad really that Jackson had no witness for his moments of being super dad.

"Ugh, I don't know."

His heart sunk.

"It's just I've got a lot to do and with the chickenpox thing I just don't know whether it's wise to keep them together before we know..." she trailed off.

"Casper's already had them," Jackson put in.

"Oh?" There was a pause in which he managed to close the back door, open the front door, and slip into the driver's seat. Super dad. Sadly, his rear view mirror confirmed his suspicions: still no witness (at least no witness conscious enough to give account).

"Well, we haven't," April stated.

"Do you think he's got it?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. But I think we should wait it out. You don't want me to come over to your place with a kid running a fever and puking out his guts in your toilet. I know your cleaning guy won't be coming in till Saturday. You'd totally have to clean up yourself."

Jackson frowned.  
a) Of course he wanted her to come over. He always wanted her to come over. Even with her kid. Even with her sick kid. Even with her sick kid heaving heavily in the water closet.  
b) Especially with her sick kid barfing and bawling in the bathroom. He wanted her to depend on him, to trust him.  
But he didn't tell her all, or any, of this. He told her: "I can clean up the bathroom if I want to."

April giggled. "I know. I'm just teasing you."

He released a sigh, chuckled. "So, you're coming over?"

"Probably not. I just don't think it's the best idea at the moment..."

"Okay." So he'd spend the day off work with his son. That wasn't too bad. Actually, a year ago that would have been perfect. So why did it feel this incomplete right now? "I'll head back home now."

"You went to the school? Didn't you get the e-mail?"

"I don't read e-mails," he confided. Hadn't he already told her that?

"Oh yeah. I think you mentioned that once... sorry about not texting you," she replied.

"No biggie."

"Alright then, drive safely."

"Watch your toilet."

"You're an idiot."

"But your favorite idiot."

She laughed and even through the speaker it lit up the world for him. "Touché. Talk to you later, Jackson."

"Bye, April."

* * *

As he turned his car around to head into the car port at his house he spotted another, very familiar car already parked inside. He parked his car on the driveway and exited it quickly to confirm his idea. True to the word, or more like the car in this case, he found his girlfriend and her son sitting on the steps before the entrance to his house reading a book together.

When they heard Jackson approaching both of them raised their eyes from their lecture and then exclaimed: "Surprise!"

They got onto their feet. With a lonely dimple showcasing smile April closed the gap between them and gave her baffled boyfriend a kiss. Then she took a step back, grinning.  
"You didn't seriously think I'd waste the opportunity of both of us spontaneously taking a day off with the boys being home? That's like an extra Sunday!"

"Or Saturday, depending on the schedule," Jackson reminded her.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Mr. Always Right."

Oh how he wished she'd drop the always.

They stood in comfortable silence, just smiling at each other. Jackson found that he enjoyed this kind of tranquil soundlessness. Only with April did he feel like no words were necessary.

"Where's Casper?" Levi asked, interrupting a Simon and Garfunkel worthy atmosphere.

"He's asleep in the car... I should probably get him," Jackson replied, scratching the back of his head.

April laughed. "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

"The boys are asleep," Jackson announced as he trotted back into the kitchen where April was washing up. "So... finish the dishes, then pop a movie in – sounds like a plan?"

He watched as his girlfriend twisted her waist, hands remaining were they were hovering above the sink, and threw him a grin. "Oh, I'll finish the dishes being the good girlfriend I am while you do the hard work of putting a DVD on? Sounds fair."

Rolling his eyes he joined her at the kitchen counters. " _We'll_ finish the dishes and then _I'll_ put on Netflix while _you_ relax on the sofa was what I meant to say. Remember I left all my DVDs at my moms. She's the only person who still uses them nowadays anyway."

"Her and me," April put in as she rubbed grease off the frying pan.

"I stand corrected," Jackson replied. He reached for a towel and started drying the dishes then putting them into their places in the respective cabinets.

"Talking about your mom," April started, "She called me this week."

The plates made a horrible clinking sound that made him flinch. He probably should have put more effort into getting them dry then they wouldn't have been so slippery. "Yeah? What for?"

"Nothing much. She didn't reach you in two weeks. Asked about you, the boys, me... and the Harper Avery's."

Jackson froze in his spot. "She did."

He didn't pose it as a question since he already knew the answer. He would have known the answer even if April hadn't just told him. He knew, because he knew his mother.

Catherine Avery was a woman known for many things. Famous urologist, a big fish in the higher circles of society, doting mother, wife and grandmother – in that order. Something she wasn't famous, but definitely known, for: meddling. As a woman who had no trouble meddling in complete strangers lives it wasn't surprising that her preferred victim was her son. She usually kept it at a level he could tolerate, like bringing potential future wives with her whenever she visited him.

To be fair she stopped that after the whole disaster with Casper's mother. However, she never stopped meddling all together. In the specific case of getting her son to attend the Harper Avery Awards for the first time in five years she had crossed a line, though, at least in his book. Involving his girlfriend.

"She said you're not going," his girlfriend said, probably because he wasn't saying anything himself.

Jackson pulled himself from his freeze and nodded. "That's correct."

Then, he went back to drying the dishes. There weren't much to dry since they weren't a lot of people. Yet the little amount of wet dishes was enough to keep him busy. For now.

"Why aren't you?"

He sighed. It wasn't because he was angry at April. He most certainly wasn't. He knew it wasn't her fault, it was all his mother. She shouldn't have gotten her involved in the first place.

"Look, I don't know what my mother told you about this. Whatever she said it is, it isn't."

April put the pan on the drying rack and shook her head. "She didn't say much. But I know." He raised an eyebrow in question. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear in response. "My roommate and I used to watch them in college. We were pretty big nerds. We... it was like the Oscars to us."

Despite his sour mood a smile formed on Jackson's face. She was just way too adorable.

"All these doctors in all these fancy suits and designer dresses..." She sighed. "The speeches they made and the projects they talked about. It was all just... so amazing." Her eyes lit up as she talked. It was obvious she loved this event. Jackson already felt bad about the fact that he wouldn't take her. "So. I do know. At least to an extent," she finished.

Jackson leaned back against the counter so he could look at her directly. This usually helped when delivering bad news. "Okay. So you do know. But still, I'm not going."

"But why?"

"I just don't want to. There's nothing more to it." There was a lot more to it, he just didn't want to get into it.

April ran the dish brush over the plate in her hand for a few times. It was already perfectly clean, but Jackson didn't want to break her trance. Instead he went back to drying, hoping she'd drop the subject.

Her next outburst took him by surprise.

"Are you not going because of me?"

" _What?_ "

"Are you not going because of me," April repeated staring at him, "Are you not going, because you don't want to take me? Because you don't want people to know you're dat-"

"No, no, no. Babe, that's absolutely not it. What would make you think that?"

She shrugged, tears running from her eyes down her cheeks and her lips quivering. She couldn't even look him into the eyes. She also couldn't open her mouth. She'd break down if she did.

"April... April, no. I'd take you to any event in a heartbeat, people involved or not."

"T-then why aren't you?" The idea of his rejection obviously hurt her. And rightfully so. Since their talk she'd done a lot to make him believe in this relationship. She'd introduced him to her parents, who – lucky him – loved him (probably because of Casper), taken him out to stuff she did with her friends, most of which they – frankly – shared but still, and even allowed a - low - level of PDA anywhere.

He started rubbing circles on her back to calm her down while he thought about what to tell her. _It's not me it's you_ was true, but definitely the wrong thing to say.

"My mom... she's been trying to get me involved with the foundation for ages," he started.

"Yes, she t-told me," April confirmed.

He nodded. "I don't want to, though. It's... they don't exactly represent my values."

"B-but you want medicine to get advanced?"

"Of course I do. I just don't like the way it's handled. For example they only allow a few specifications. There's never been a plastic surgeon awarded."

"Neither has been trauma," April murmured into his chest. He couldn't help but smile. She most certainly knew her stuff.

"Correct. Trauma and plastic surgery are both excluded from the award. Which is one reason why I don't want to support it," Jackson agreed.

April sniffed. "What are the others?"

"Well... one has to do with it... When I chose plastics my grandfather almost kicked me out of the foundation. When, on top of that I had a child out of wedlock with a runaway not-bride he wanted to get his testament changed so I wouldn't ruin the good Avery name."

She gasped. "He would have done that because of Casper? That's... I didn't consider your family to be so conservative."

"Only Harper is," Jackson put in, running his fingers through her hair. He wasn't sure whether it really helped calming her, but – hell – did it help grounding him. "My mom was as thrilled as can be about her grandbaby. She knocked some sense into the old man, made him realize there's no more Averys left. But for me the damage was already done. He's been trying to rekindle whatever relationship we had before the whole thing ever since, but I just... I can't forget that he took a look at my son and basically called him the ruin of everything he'd built. I... I just can't."

"That's... I... Jackson, I had no idea," April muttered.

"You couldn't have, I never told you."

She shook her head. "Yeah, but I pushed you. I believed what your mom told me without ever asking you, that wasn't fair."

"You didn't do anything wrong, babe. It's just what my mom does."

"What?"

"Meddling."

"Oh." April bit her lip, considering. It was one of her more adorable habits. Even when some other habits changed in their manner from adorable to hot as their relationship progressed, this was one of those that would always remain just plain adorable. Once she was done being cute she lifted up her eyes to meet his, a grin forming on her face. "And what do you do?"

He didn't have to think twice about his reply. "Right now, I'd really just like to kiss you."

She smiled. "I think that could be arranged."


	11. September 1st 2015

As April sat at her parents-in-law's table listening to her mother-in-law sharing stories about her husband's long past childhood all she could think about was that she didn't want to be there.

In life, everyone has these days you wake up on knowing exactly what day it is. Birthdays are one of those, or anniversaries in general. Christmas, Easter and other holidays. You wake up, you know. You're excited from the minute your eyes open in the morning until the moment your head hits the pillow at night. Those days are usually fun days, good days.

For April, this day wasn't within Merriam Webster's definition of 'fun'. If she'd had her way she'd spend this day curled up in her bed, snuggled up with her son, waiting for it to pass. But she hadn't had her way on this day, not once in five years. Well. More like four years, because in the first year it wasn't an anniversary. There was nothing, or rather no one to celebrate. At least that hadn't changed.

It wasn't a real anniversary either, at least not according to the dictionary. Missingversary was what April called it, in her head. Matthew's remembrance day was what his parents called it, to everyone who wished or didn't wish to be informed about it. Daddy gone missing day was what Levi called it, when asked why he wasn't attending Kindergarten on a regular school day. They all had different names and different attitudes for the one day that changed all their lives forever.

April hated this day. She hated thinking about it. She hated remembering it. She hated the what ifs. For most of the year she could suppress these darker thoughts by focusing her energy on work and Levi. However, when her parents-in-law forced her to attend a get together filled with story telling, old video tapes and prayers she couldn't.

 _What if she'd told Matthew her true things; that she didn't want him to go back to Jordan. What if she'd gone with him. What if she'd asked him to stay at camp during their phone call. What if she'd told him. What if she'd told him about Levi._

All she could do to keep from going insane during these moments of faithlessness was to grab her child and cuddle him close to her chest. Levi was everything to her. She had to stay strong. For him.

This year a bunch of new thoughts had started to invade her subconscious, even before the actual Missingversary came along.

 _What if Matthew came back and she was with Jackson. What if Matthew came back and she left Jackson. What if Matthew came back and she couldn't leave Jackson._

On the exact date they seemed to be everywhere. Hidden in the alphabet soup they had for lunch. Sung on the radio on their way to church. Written between the lines of the holy scripture at church. Everywhere.

Never before had a Missingversary been this hard.  
It was her own fault, of course. She'd known starting something, anything, with Jackson would be her downfall. But not starting something with Jackson would have been her downfall as well. She'd been in too deep already. It seemed to be as inevitable as inexcusable.

"Do you like your beans, Levi?" Evelyn asked, pulling April from her thoughts. Which might have been a good thing if the presence of the most important people in Matthew's life didn't make her feel even worse about herself.

Levi nodded. He wasn't a picky eater. He wasn't a difficult child. He was pretty perfect. Just like his dad.

"Your daddy used to love these, too," the woman of the house continued with a proud smile. "We had to have this at least once a week."

"My favorite is Sapard's pie," Levi told her, "But only mommy's."

"Oh you mean Sheperd's pie... Your daddy loved that, too," Evelyn nodded.

April sighed soundlessly. He really had. But he wasn't the only one. Jackson loved her Sheperd's pie as well. This was were things got complicated.

"What is it, dear? Are you not hungry?"

She looked up from her plate, where she'd put her fork to good use on her mashed potatoes to create a little zen garden. "Me? Uh... not really. Sorry."

"You need to eat, April. You've gotten thin."

Somehow, it always felt like she was a teenager again when she was at Matthew's parents'. Maybe it was because they'd still been pretty young when she was first introduced to them. It didn't really matter why. Only _that_ mattered.

"I'm fine. That's just the shirt," she argued without conviction.

"Oh and every other shirt you own as well?" Evelyn countered with a raised eyebrow.

April shrugged, she wasn't in the mood to fight. Not with her mother-in-law, not in front of her son, not today.

"I wonder what your mother would have to say about this..."

This time when April sighed it was more than audible. "We both know my mom has better things to do than keeping track of my weight, Evelyn... do we really have to get into this? Today?"

She watched as her mother-in-law continued to purse her lips, and, surprisingly kept quiet.

Levi, being the sensitive child he was seemed to have noticed the change in tone. However, he wasn't only sensitive, he was also very much a mood changer. Since Matthew's disappearance there had been no one to protect April from Evelyn's jests. That was until Levi learned to speak. Or more precisely, until Levi learned to change the topic.  
"Grandma, do you know what we learned about in school yesterday?"

"In kindergarten, you mean," Evelyn corrected. Even judging by this one evening it was easy to see that correcting was one of her favorite things to do.

"It's school for little kids. Duh." Normally he would have been scolded for his tone, but the smile he put on with it – so much like his father's – helped him get away with it; this time.

"Well, what did you learn in school for the little kids then?"

April could only watch in amazement as her only child spread his arms, lifted his eyes up to the ceiling and whexclaimed (a term coined by Casper for someone who was whispering in awe and therefore, technically, exclaiming): "Dinosaurs."

Watching him talk reminded her of how Matthew used to talk about his plans. Travel the world. Build a house. Raise some kids. Leave the house. Travel again. Buy a nice chateau in the Dordogne. Settle. Even as she sat there giggling, hoisted up against the wall of his small room on his bed, watching him as he made grand gestures, she'd loved it. She'd never really believed they'd do any of it. She was too much of a realist for that. But he'd believed it. He'd believed that come the day he was done serving their country they would have it all.

Well, she got some of it, to be fair. She just never imagined she'd have it without the man who inspired her dreams to be bigger than her fears. And who, in the end, introduced her to the one fear she'd never seen coming.

Levi had reminded her of Matthew the minute he was born and she first held him. She'd hoped for a girl, hoped for a child that would be less like Matthew and more like her. Whatever God's plan for her was at that point of the time – and she had to believe there was a plan behind this in order to stay sane – he didn't grant her wish. She got a child born not only with her husband's eyes and smile, but also with a soul so close to Matthew's she sometimes wondered about her own contribution to her son's gene pool.

Although she felt like she was put into a strange reenactment of the book of Iob in the beginning, in the end April understood that God's plan couldn't have been meant to torture but rather to heal her. Her husband had been lost, for a reason she couldn't grasp, but God had given her a son, a new hope. Maybe she should have called him Luke after all.

"...and the petrodactyl flied," Levi, not Luke but close enough with the L and all, finished his presentation much like he'd finished his dinner before. An accomplishment April couldn't present with.

"That's very interesting indeed... however in the world did your teacher come up with the topic?" Evelyn inquired. A lot could be said about her, but she wasn't faking interest in her grandson, not ever. She really loved him dearly, and for that April was grateful beyond measure.

"Oh, he didn't. Casper did."

"Casper...?"

"He's in my class, he's my best friend!" Levi said. As an afterthought he added: "Oh, and his daddy is Jackson."

April clutched her cutlery and stared at him, willing him to not say anything else.

"Jackson who?"

"You met him at Levi's birthday," April interjected, hoping her saying what she said would stop Levi from saying what he might end up spilling by accident. "He talked to you, don't you remember?"

Evelyn shook her head. "No... I don't think I do."

Meanwhile, Levi had developed a thoughtful frown. April had to stop him.

"He works with me at the hospital," she added.

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"He... uh... he was at Nathan's house warming party."

"Can't remember that I've been introduced him."

That moment Levi straightened up in his seat, a smile coming to his face. "He's Mommy's boyfriend."

Oops. There it was.

* * *

Jackson Avery was a man known for many things. Doting father, plastic surgeon extraordinaire, retired star basketball player of the Harvard Crimson Men, and heir to the Harper Avery name, fortune and foundation – in this order. One thing he was not known for to many people was the fact that he was a light sleeper.

Noises, sounds, smells and movements were his personal riders of the insomnia apocalypse. He couldn't sleep through any of these. What had bothered him all through his university dorm room days first came in handy when he was a new father. Still, he was glad when Casper reached an age that allowed sleeping through the night _and_ in his own room. The first night April spent not only in his house but in his bed had been a crucial point for Jackson concerning their future. Luckily, she turned out to be a quiet sleeper. Her only flaw was her inkling to hog the blankets. After a few months of sleeping next to each other every once in a while Jackson could sleep through it as well.

So when he woke up from noise late at night on a Tuesday he knew it was neither his son, nor his girlfriend who was sleeping elsewhere. So, obviously, it had to be burglars.

Their neighborhood had been a target before, as much he knew. It had never happened to them, a little bit of luck which Jackson put down to the fake cameras he'd set up at the gate by his mother's wishes. Mother knows best, after all. Well. Now he knew they did not only look fake to those who knew.

As he slowly got up from his bed Jackson noticed he'd made a grave mistake by leaving his phone downstairs to avoid taking annoying intern's calls. While he couldn't exactly be blamed for Alex giving his number out to all the interns with a note that claimed he'd take any call, _day and night,_ there had been a couple of ways to avoid this. Like getting the number changed. It had been on Jackson's agenda since the evening he left in the middle of the Harper Avery's to take a call from an intern treating a common cold. Unfortunately, he had so many different things on his plate at the moment that he never got to it. A stitch in time saves nine.

It didn't matter anyway, now that the burglar was already in his house. The first thing on his mind – after thinking about how he could have avoided the break in to begin with – was Casper. His room was right across the hall so Jackson reached it quickly. To his relief he found his son deep asleep and untouched. Stolen things would never bother him as much as the safety of his child. He chose to close the door but keep it unlocked as he slowly backed out of the room. In the worst case scenario he would lock them both in it. They didn't have a panic room, because he'd deemed it unnecessary when the house was first being build. Just another topic he should have listened to his mom on.

The commotion prevailed. He could hear things being ruffled through and dropped to the floor. He also heard the up and down of voices whispering. Maybe they'd be distracted enough with their conversation to not notice him getting the phone from the living room table.

Suddenly, he stopped. The kitchen. A perfect place to get some kind of weapon.

No, he still wasn't violent. It was just in case. Self defense wasn't something they'd made up to make SVU more interesting to viewers. It was something Jackson was ready to use when it came to keeping his only child safe and sound.

Equipped with a make shift weapon he'd seen successfully used for the purpose on tv recently, Jackson slowly made his way down the hallway towards the source of nightly noise. As he reached corner that divided the hallway from the living area he noticed that the lights had been turned on. These thieves really knew no shame. Jackson was a man known for many things. He wouldn't let going down without a fight be added to that list. Only trembling a little he raised his arm in arms and turned around the corner from darkness into light ready to face a whole different kind of darkness...

"Jackson?"

"April?"

There she was: his girlfriend. In her arms: her son. In her voice: confusion.

"What are you doing?"

"What are _you_ doing?" he countered.

An eyebrow was raised in response. "You gave me a key," she stated matter-of-factly.

This he had. His arm in arms sunk slowly. "Oh," he uttered.

"Who did you think it was?" April asked as she sat Levi back down on the little bench by the door, and continued to free his sleepy body of both jacket and one remaining shoe.

"Uhm... Burglars?" Now that Jackson said it out loud it did sound a little silly. Why would anyone burgle a house that, judging by the car parked in front of it, was clearly not empty?

In one swift motion only ever exhibited by parents with experience she picked up her son and turned back around to face Jackson.

"And you were going to fight us off with a frying pan?" She shook her head with a slight smile. "We never should have introduced you to _Tangled_."

"If it works for an eighteen-year-old it most certainly works for me," Jackson tried. His comeback was weak, though, and he knew.

April giggled, her dimple showing. "I'm going to put Levi to bed... Is the bedding from last week still on the bottom bunk?"

Jackson nodded, a bit taken aback by her nonchalant attitude. Because, yes, he'd given her a key. But, no, he didn't expect her to turn up tonight of all nights.

She passed him up on her way to, probably, her self-appointed task. All he could do was wait for her return.

Tucking Levi in took mere minutes. Now that Jackson thought about it, the four-year-old had already been in his pajamas when he first saw him. Since April would never allow for him to get changed in the car, given that this included no seat belt, he must have changed into them before they got here. At her parents-in-law's. That's where his girlfriend had told Jackson she'd spend the night only hours ago. He wondered what had driven her out of their house and into his so late at night.

Unlike her son April wasn't wearing pajamas, but the bag she'd carelessly dropped in the entrance area suggested she was equipped to stay overnight. When she came back into sight she immediately reached for it and announced her plans for the night: "I'm going to get changed and then go to bed."

"Uhm, no. No, you're not." He stopped her with a hand on her, now free, arm.

"I'm not?" She arched an eyebrow in a way that Jackson couldn't help but describe as 'seductively interested'. It made him stumble over what he'd planned on saying next. Was she seriously suggesting that they should take this step on this night of all nights?

A lot of self restraint got him to be level headed enough to actually ask her: "Just... why are you here?" It sounded more stupid out loud, he mused. Still, he had to ask, had to know.

"Can't I just use my key that _you_ gave me so I can spend the night with you?" Her eyes were huge, almost puppy like. It was the look Levi would give him when he knew he could get a dessert other than fruit out of him that April would never allow on a weekday (" _Sweets are for weekends and special occasions only_ "). And then... was she batting her eyelashes? For real?

Damn her. Jackson took a deep breath in. _Focus_ , he demanded of his confused self. "We both know this is not about me, April, I... not today."

This reminder caused a frown to appear on her forehead along with her smile turning into a pout. "I don't wanna talk about it right now, Jackson. Can't we just go to bed?"

When she tried to push past him, he stopped her with both of his arms this time. He wished she'd stop with the suggestive questions already. Obviously, she didn't want to talk about what was going on with her. This was nothing new in their relationship. Still it elicited a few not-so-nice-feelings, as Dave the new kindergarten teacher would say in conversation circle, in him.

"April, we agreed on no more white lies," he reminded her gently, his hand brushing over her arm.

She bit her lower lip, clearly struggling. "Jackson, can we please talk about it tomorrow? I'll tell you, I promise, I just... not right now."

Somehow he always ended up being the bad guy within their relationship. The one who kept pulling more than pushing. He was afraid where the point was when she'd let go, when they would fall. But he also had to protect himself.

"Hours ago, you told me you were staying with Evelyn and Tom. Now you turn up in the middle of the night to stay here. Is it really too far fetched to wonder what happened?"

"I just... I couldn't take the talking and the watching videos and... Jackson, you really don't want to know, I promise, you don't."

"But I do."

"No. Really. Trust me on this."

"April..."

Her teeth clenched down on her lower lip. "I'll tell you tomorrow?"

"No," Jackson declined. Again, he wasn't trying to be the bad guy. He just knew by experience that letting it go for one night could lead to months of letting it go. With how deep his feelings were growing he wasn't taking any more chances. He couldn't.

April avoided his gaze staring at the floor. The frown was also back. "You're being ridiculous. I'm not obligated to tell you every single detail of my life. Am I asking you why you didn't want to stay with your grandpa for the summer? No. Did I wonder? Yes. But I didn't ask. It wasn't my place to ask. Let it go."

Jackson shook his head. "This doesn't have anything to do with tonight. Besides, I told you..."

"Well, I didn't ask you to," she spit back. "That was your choice! Mine is not to tell you. Accept it and move on."

The way she wiggled in his arms to get away was as desperate as helpless. His stomach turned at the thought of making her feel like this. Defeated by his own morals, he let go.

"Alright. Alright. It's okay. You'll tell me when you're ready."

The redhead stood frozen in her spot, eyebrows drawn together in disbelief. "Seriously? Just like that?"

He nodded. "I was worried about you, but..." His hand went to the back of his neck. "You're fine, you just don't want to talk about it right now. I have to accept that, I guess."

For a moment she hesitated, blinked her eyes. Then she backed away before finally getting to her destination, the bathroom. Jackson remained in the hallway, listening to the door falling shut. He ran a hand over his eyes. She was going to be the death of him, as much was for sure.

 _And what a sweet death that would be._

When he got himself together enough to enter the bedroom April was already there, her gaze glued to some spot on the ground. Great. He'd upset her. And not only had he upset his emotionally already unstable girlfriend, no; he'd upset her on the missingversairy (according to her this was an actual thing) of her husband. Way to go, Avery.

"Hey," he approached her slowly and carefully, "April... babe, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you, I-"

Her interruption was spoken so quietly he didn't catch it over his own voice. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I'm not a cheater," she whispered.

He couldn't believe his ears. Well. He could.

If it was his son missing he'd hold on to the hope that one day he'd return. Seeing other people move on would probably bother him as well. Slowly, as not to startle her, he let himself down onto the bed.

"That's what they said?"

April nodded, swallowed. "They got so mad."

Jackson reached out a hand to squeeze her shoulder. Even though the chances of him succeeding with this were low he just had to try reassuring her. "You know they're not mad at you, right?"

"But they are..." She raised her head and set her eyes on his face. However, she looked right through him. There was no contact. It was as if a movie was playing for her on the canvas of him. "Evelyn cried and said I-I..." Just for a moment she chocked on tears. "I'd moved on and if I could do that j-just like that, Matthew would be better off without me anyway. And Tom, he... Tom..."

Whatever she was seeing on Jackson's face was to cruel to watch any longer. She pulled away her gaze and buried her head in her hands, visibly shaking as she cried. All Jackson could do was rest his hand on her back to let her know he was there with her, there for her. For now he had to swallow the lump forming in his throat at her words.

Moving on. If someone accused April of moving on in his presence, what would he say? Honestly, he had no clue. Because, really, he didn't want to defend her. He selfishly wanted her to move on. Moving on meant being with him, no more strings attached. Just April and him. He couldn't help but want that. On the other hand, she clearly wasn't ready to do it if the words by themselves caused her to break down like that.

"They're probably just upset, because there's one less person around them pretending the world stopped five years ago," Jackson theorized. Once he realized he'd said it out loud it was already too late. April was staring at him with a hardly readable expression. It definitely wasn't a happy one, though.

Before he could say anything she opened her mouth and told Jackson something he'd never forget: "Tom hit me. Right across the cheek, I... He's never done that before. No one's ever done that before, really. My parents didn't believe in that kind of stuff and I never had a fight so bad it became violent... Matthew had, I knew that. I just... He only told me it was someone he knew, that it only happened a few times, I... I had no idea it was his dad."

Jackson blinked again doubting his senses. He'd met Thomas Taylor at Levi's birthday party. The guy seemed like the sweet old grandpa type. Nothing like his own grandfather, who, had Catherine not intervened, would have had no problem with a 'little discipline once in a while, boys need it'.

"He hit you?" Jackson asked, although there was no apparent reason why she should lie to him about it.

The tears only increased as she nodded her head, once again recalling what had happened earlier that evening. "I couldn't stay there, Jackson. Not with Levi... I couldn't stay there."

There was nothing left for Jackson to do other than letting her wrap her arms around his body and sob into his chest, helpless. They both were.

As a boyfriend of his own standards he'd failed her. He hadn't been there to protect her. No. What he'd done was question her for an action that was triggered by something he should have prevented in the first place. Tom had told him at the party that he was ex-military with a thirty-something year service behind him. Jackson had seen it in the hospital, with patients and with Hunt's uncontrollable temper. He knew of the dangers. He knew that eventually Tom with his thirty-plus years of possibly traumatizing situations behind his belt would find out about his daughter-in-law being with another man in the absence of his son; who, conveniently, had gone missing on his own service. Looking back it was a ticking time bomb. Yet Jackson had not anticipated any of it.

"I'm sorry, Apes. I'm so sorry this happened to you," he murmured against her crown.

She pulled away, wiping at her eyes with the sleeves of her way too cute pajama (pink and covered in all kind of vintage birth drawings; usually Jackson would have appreciated it way more than he did that night). "I didn't know what to do... I wanted to leave, so I did that. But once I was in the car I couldn't go home, I... they know where I live and I didn't want to hear from them or see them and... I didn't want to be alone." Her eyes met his and again she did that lip biting thing that always played with his emotions. This time it made him want to pull a Doctor Who and reverse time so he could keep her from ever getting hurt as she had. "I shouldn't have come..."

"No. No, I'm glad you did. I'm glad you trusted me to take care of you." As he said it she collapsed back against his chest.

"Levi loves them. I love them... But now? I don't know. What if he hits Levi one day? I can't let that happen."

Jackson kissed the top of her head. He understood wholeheartedly. After all it had taken a lot of coaxing for him to let his son stay at his grandfather's all by himself. He still tried to avoid it at all costs nowadays. The possibility of putting your child at danger just never lets you go. Thinking back, that's why Gothel locked Rapunzel in that high-ass tower in the first place. Or at least, that's what she said.

"You don't need to make any decisions tonight, babe. There's plenty of time to figure it out," Jackson assured her.

That day, he really believed it, too. Evelyn and Tom only had one grandchild. They wouldn't let go of Levi just because they disapproved of April moving on after five goddamn years of loneliness. Well. Everybody makes mistakes. Even someone as close to perfect as Jackson Avery. In his relationship with April Kepner this was only the first of many more to come.

* * *

 **A/N: I know this is a bit different... let me know what you think about it :)!**


	12. December 7th 2015

"I can't stop thinking about it," April said, eyes staring ahead as they marched across the parking lot. "I mean, I watched Rosie's levels, I talked to her dad – she was fine."

They reached the car. Jackson adjusted Levi on his hip so he could carry him with one arm as he got his keys out of his pocket with the other hand to open the car.

"Then she wasn't," April concluded as she came to a halt next to them. She continued to open the door, carefully taking her son from her boyfriend to get him settled in his car seat. Her son, not her boyfriend. Obviously.

"Hi baby..." Again, talking to her son, not her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, the latter went around to the driver's door as quickly as possible to get out of the rain. He took a seat (not of the booster kind), put the keys in, and waited for his girlfriend to join him in the front. He didn't have to wait for long. New parents might have double checked, especially after coming so close to the consequences a car accident could have for a young child. April, on the other hand, had long conquered the fear of losing her child due to a malfunctioning booster seat. She'd learned the hard way that there was no telling whether anything was secure, and the moment you felt most secure could turn into the greatest catastrophe within the blink of an eye. And that wasn't solely based on her work in the trauma department.

She sighed as she pushed the hood of her burgundy jacket back, and slumped against the cushion of the seat after buckling herself in.

"Long day?" Jackson asked.

"You know it," she agreed. He took a look at the clock before starting the car. 10:21. His mom would chew off his ear for this. Not literally. Obviously.

April's eyes were on the rear view mirror, Jackson's on the street as they made their way through the nightly streets of Seattle. Levi's were closed, as he was asleep and probably, given the time, had been asleep for quite a while already.

Oh how Jackson wished to be asleep as well. Thanks to the continued rainfalls there had been an all year high with traffic accidents. If it didn't stop soon they'd probably start closing down the roads. Not the doctors, the police. No matter who did it though, it wouldn't work nicely with the things they'd planned for this month.

"I hope the rain stops soon," April commented, voicing his thoughts. "My landlord just called me today to confirm we'd be out by New Year's."

Jackson nodded. "I talked to Alex and he said he could help out on the weekend of the 18th."

"That sounds good. Hunt, Riggs, Hershey, Reese and Galler are coming, too. Oh and Lindt, if he's on leave. Well. That's what he said. I'm not so sure he's talked to Stacy about it yet..." she trailed off.

"Okay, to be honest: you lost me at Hershey." Voicing the thoughts of everyone who didn't know every single acquaintance of April Kepner's. "Who else is on this list? Milka?"

April laughed, shook her head. "Oh, no... No, they're military. From Jordan. All of them retired. Except for Lindt, of course."

"Of course," Jackson echoed.

"They're nice guys, Jackson," she assured. It wasn't necessary.

He didn't doubt that all these guys were nice guys. History had proven April only surrounded herself with people she considered healthy to be with, even if that meant temporarily excluding close family from her son's life. Jackson also didn't doubt that all these guys were loyal to April, and only wanted the best for her.  
He didn't doubt that all of them considered themselves to know what that was. He was afraid it wouldn't be him. Hunt still didn't talk to him if he could avoid it, and whenever Riggs saw Jackson just even standing close to April he found a way to make it known he was watching them.

Well. Whatever the milky military guys might think about him, they were going to help April move into his house. It couldn't be that bad, or they would have discouraged her, rather than supported the choice. Then, maybe they did and she just ignored them. Jackson couldn't very well ask.

Except he was Jackson Avery and so, of course, he could ask. "So... they're okay with you moving in with us?"

April raised her eyebrows. "Of course they are. Why wouldn't they be?"

When her question was met with silence she came to her own conclusion. "This again? I thought we were done talking about it." She pulled a face.

Jackson sighed. They were far too tired to have that conversation, _again_ , but it seemed to be too late to retreat.  
"Look, I'm happy you're moving in. Thrilled, really. I just want you to be a hundred percent sure this is what you want..."

"And I told you, I'm sure," she nodded. "Isn't that enough assurance for you?"

No. Quite honestly, it wasn't. But honesty wasn't his policy, not anymore. The moment he pretended like he didn't care about Matthew it ended. Jackson pretended he didn't care about the threat of a husband who was likely to never return, when really he was terrified.

In the beginning, Jackson _really_ didn't care as much. He wanted April with him, and he believed he could have her. He believed they would be so good together that he didn't need to fear the lingering ghost of Matthew, whether he came back or not. But as his feelings for April grew – the way she laughed, the way she made silly voices when reading stories to the boys, the way she flipped her hair back after looking over her shoulder when driving, the way she took an extra spoon when tasting what she was cooking, the way she looked like when she slept next to him, the way he woke up to her smile when he slept in longer than she did because he was still tired from watching her... among other things – the thoughts of Matthew's possible return started to haunt him.

After the big reveal happened his girlfriend's husband's presence had been much more prominent in their life. Every once in a while she'd drop a sentence about what movies he liked, what schools he went to, what allergies he had, stuff like that. It was random, casual. It didn't seem to bother her. Jackson pretended like it didn't bother him. It did.

Matthew was the perfect guy for April – outdoorsy, dreamy, hopelessly romantic, funny, strong, believing. Jackson was... just Jackson. It had been good enough for him for most of his life. But was it good enough for her?

"I'm sorry," Jackson told her, and he was. For all the white lies hanging between them. "Moving in is just... it's super big. It's serious. The boys will get used to having us around 24/7-"

"We're practically already together 24/7."

"-we'll get used to living together, discover things we don't like about each other, eventually fall out, and then what will we tell the kids?"

"Jackson, I don't think that-"

Before she could finish her thought (or not-thought, for that matter) a raspy voice interrupted her: _"They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no..."_

"Seriously? You kept the ringtone?" Jackson had been surprised when he first found out whom April had assigned one of Amy Winehouse's greatest hits to. She'd brushed it off, saying it was a joke and that she was going to change it. Apparently, that was yet another promise she hadn't kept.

She shook her head as she slid her finger across the display to answer the call. "I didn't have time for that... Hi, mom."

Jackson shook his head in return, but with a smile on his face. It didn't quite reach his eyes, no matter how much he wanted it to.

"Yeah. It was a pretty long day. A lot of people couldn't handle the rain," April explained while looking her nails over. Too long for work, she'd have to cut them soon. Jackson liked them a little long, though. "No, I'm not driving while on the phone, mom... Jackson's driving." She turned towards him. "Mom says hi."

"Tell her hi back."

"Jackson says hi," April reported. Then she listened to her mother. "Yeah, no. I mean. I don't think it will last that long. I hope it won't... Just us and a few of the boys. Two moves in a year are kind of expensive, so it's better if we just do it ourselves."

True. But when Jackson had offered to pay for it, April had declined either way. _"Don't get me wrong," she'd said, "I appreciate the offer, but I'm not sure if I can pay the price. I'm sure you understand."_ He didn't, hadn't. After all, the whole point of him paying was so she didn't have to pay. Anyway, if she was happier with this, granted, much cheaper DIY option who was he to stop it? DIY was trending on YouTube right now, and, as a cool dad with a pinterest board for family Halloween costumes (Neil Patrick Harris and his crew had nothing on the Averys), Jackson had to be on top of this stuff.

"No, they'll have to share for a while... I don't think it's that big of a deal, anyway. Libby and I shared for ages... they say they don't mind. Honestly, I'm more concerned about how many hours of sleep they'll get between the two of them. On Halloween they almost made it to midnight. But that could have been the sugar speaking..."

Jackson smiled at the memory. He'd never seen Casper so hyper, or happy. Or himself, for that matter. Father son costumes were cute, but family costumes? These were a whole nother level.

"Mom... I don't know, maybe? We're getting our holiday plan's after New Year's, then I'll-... I agree, I'm sure Casper would love the pumpkin patch, but we talked about this."

Oh yeah. _The holiday argument_. To Jackson, whose last multi-month-relationship before the one he'd like to erase – safe for the one precious outcome – from his mind had been in college: this was new ground. The moment he'd sneaked the OB attending's password to get one more copy to send to his mom the vague idea that this wouldn't be the only length he'd go for his kid was just that: vague. But the moment his mom called after opening the letter he'd sent her, announcing she'd be on the next plane it hit him: Things would never be the same again.

As a single dad, though, things hadn't been that bad. There was one grandmother to please with one grandchild. Which meant whenever she wanted to see him, Jackson would let her.  
Now, with April and Levi in tow, things were different. In the end it was rock paper scissors, as well as a little help from Richard that succeeded in coaxing his mother into giving up Christmas for Thanksgiving. For this year, anyway.

However, he soon learned that the Kepners, despite having four daughters and double the grandchildren, didn't like to give up on _any_ holiday. Even if they totally won by getting Christmas.

"Yep, we're still good for Christmas. Tickets booked and all," April just assured with a certain nod. Her face even lit up with a genuine smile. "Oh, he'll love that! He's missed them so much!"

Apparently they were talking about Levi's cousins. A bunch of seven whose names Jackson had once heard and immediately forgotten. Remembering that many names after growing up the single child of two single children of two single children was quite a stretch for him. At least, he pretty much had her sisters down. Maybe, if he was especially lucky, he'd even get the husbands matched up with the right wives. But he wouldn't want to push his luck by counting on it.

"Mom!" April hissed, unexpectedly, and it made Jackson wonder what that was about. "Well, if David is uncomfortable sitting with us then how about he just doesn't attend?"

David, David... Kimberly's husband? Someone's husband.

"I'm sure he said that, mom, but they're children. They don't mind, David does. You know it and I know it. Remember what he said when we first left for Jordan?"

Jordan. Again. Somehow the whole concept of it, missing heroic husband or not, made Jackson feel uncomfortable. It was as if, in another life – a past life maybe? But then he didn't believe in reincarnation and that stuff – Jordan had really hurt him deeply. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, though.

"No, that wasn't Dylan, that was David. And when Matthew called him out on it, he said it was a joke."

Matthew. Another name Jackson didn't love hearing. Dylan, on the other hand? He had no clue who that was. Maybe one of her two nephews.

"It wasn't funny. Racism is not a joke, mom," April said through gritted teeth and suddenly it all made sense.

David wasn't Kimberly's husband. David was Elizabeth's husband. Elizabeth's husband, Mr. David White, who – true to his name – was an avid fan of John Kasich's foreign, immigrant and weapon policy (supposedly among others but those were these mentioned). Elizabeth's husband, David, whom April liked least of her brothers-in-law, according to her own statement.

April had warned Jackson early on that David probably wouldn't be thrilled at meeting him, and not just because he disapproved of adultery. (Which, technically, Jackson wasn't sure they were even committing.)

Of course, Jackson had told her not to worry. He'd take care of himself. This wouldn't be the first time he'd have to deal with such a douche. He'd get by.

"Yes, I know Jackson can take care of himself," April relayed to her mother, "I'm not worried about Jackson. I'm worried about Casper. How do you think he 'll feel when the girls refuse to speak to him?"

Jackson tensed as much as his seat allowed. Dealing with this kind of people wasn't pretty, but he'd learned how to do it, when he was old enough. Before that, his mom took care of him and made sure he didn't have to handle it on his own. Seeing how he'd turned out pretty confident, if he might say so himself, he'd taken on his mom's recipe for success in raising Casper. It had been easy so far. Their kids' generation wasn't as ignorant as his had been, and his had already been less worse than his mom's. Jackson most certainly couldn't remember anybody ever refusing to speak or interact with Casper. And he most certainly would avoid it from happening.

So this was it. Sorry, Kepners, maybe another time. With Elizabeth and David living on the farm there was no way to avoid them or their old ways. Too bad his mom and Richard had already made plans, else they might have joined them. Whatever, Christmas with just April and the kids would probably be just as good, if not better. Now how could he voice his thoughts to April without upsetting her...?

Turned out he didn't have to, because the next time she spoke these were her words: "Well, if he's dead-set on that plan then we're not coming. It sends wrong messages to all the kids. While I can't interfere with Libby's ideas of raising hers, I can very well make choices for mine, and I will not teach them that racism is a way of life."

The speech was so well delivered Jackson wondered whether she'd anticipated something like this. The way she'd referred to Casper as _her_ child also wasn't lost on him. Somehow it managed to push everything else out of the way, even he-who-must-not-be-named.

While Jackson thought about what April had said, April in return was listening to what her mother was saying. At the end of whatever that was she nodded.

"Alright. I'll wait for your call, mom. Love you." Then she hung up and sighed.

Jackson could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, pounding hard and quick. He didn't know what to say. _Thank you for sticking up to my kid... or should I say ours?_

Luckily, April started the conversation before he had to. "Sorry about that."

"About what?"

"My mom, David..." She waved dismissively. "He's a dick. I can't believe they're letting him do this."

Jackson blinked. April rarely swore. She was full of surprises this evening. Maybe he should have talks with her after extra-long shifts more often. It seemed to loosen her up more than anything besides stumbling over her (dead?) ex-husband's favorite romcom on Netflix.  
"Uhm... letting him do what?"

"Threaten us. You, Casper..." She shook her head. "Apparently he's told the girls not to talk to either of you when we get there. Oh, and he wants us to sit at a separate table so the girls don't have to share the kids' table with Casper – can you believe it?"

He could. One time he didn't get invited for a birthday party, everyone in his class was invited, except for him. Back then, he didn't understand why, and neither would Casper when someone refused to speak to him. Later, though, on one of these nights when you lie awake pondering your life it hit him.

"I... he's been saying all these things ever since I met him, but I mean: this is Moline, he never really met someone to act on it. I feared he might say some things to you, that's why I warned you about it, but this? Pushing it on the kids." April had pushed her thumbnail between her teeth worrying it as she stared out of the window.

It dawned on him, that maybe this wasn't so much about Casper at all, although it was, but about April as well. She'd never been in a situation like this before. Naturally, it would stress her out.

"Thank you," Jackson told her quietly, his hand on her tigh.

She turned to look at him, eyebrow raised. "Huh?"

"What you told your mom, about not coming for Christmas," he explained, "I would have done the same thing."

Her eyes lit up a little, but she still seemed suspicious. "Really?"

He shrugged. "Well, I might have not done exactly the same thing, since – you know – she's your mom and all and I'm still trying to win your family over, but... Yeah, pretty much."

April nodded, lips pressed tightly together and face serious. She believed him. "I'd never want to hurt you. Or Casper. I..."

She stopped, and so did the car as they encountered a red traffic light. Jackson, who'd been distracted by paying attention to its turning point, turned his head around and asked: "Sorry, what was that?"

And then, April wet her lips, and April opened them, and April's lips moved, and April said: "I love you."

* * *

 **A/N: My research on this was pretty basic, so if anything regarding Kasich is wrong, please let me know. I trusted wikipedia on this.**


	13. February 14st 2016

**A/N: So, I know it's been forever. My life has been a whirwind and I had to deal with a lot of unexpected changes. That's why this had to wait. However, be assured that I intend on finishing this story. Might not achieve that before S14 starts, but since this is an AU anyway I think it won't hurt... unless everybody starts shipping Jaggie. :P**

 **Also my apology goes out to the commenters from last chapter. I intended to reply, but life got in the way. I hope you don't feel discouraged to comment now. I appreciate your input and will try to include your suggestions! :)**

* * *

There was only one thing Jackson Avery wanted for the first Valentine's Day date with (whom he hoped to be) his (ever)last(ing) girlfriend – _perfection_. Not too much to ask for, right?

To make sure he'd achieve his goal preparations had to be started early on, obviously.

In early January he randomly asked Meredith Grey about her Valentine's Day plans at lunch, anticipating that she'd come up empty handed, which she did. And of course, the next thing she did was ask him about his. This led to him reciting a thoroughly rehearsed monologue about how he wanted it to be 'perfect' for April seeing how difficult the last year had been for her- especially after the whole blowout with her family -, and how he had this amazing idea in his head. Naturally, this was met with enthusiasm by his friend.

However, he couldn't quite join in. When Meredith asked why, he sighed. Then he told her about the huge obstacle of finding a reliable babysitter both boys felt comfortable with, especially on a day like this. This confession brought Jackson's plan to a full circle: Meredith offered to take care of the boys since she probably would stay in with her kids anyway. He politely declined, she insisted, and as a gentleman he then had to accept. Easy as that.

And nobody could tell him that he'd made her do it. After all, she'd been the one to suggest it in the first place.

With the biggest hurdle for a perfect date night – the kids calling because the horrible babysitter is trying to attack them with a knife (Hollywood roots in real events, always) – out of the way, Jackson could now proceed to step two: book a table.

Now, there were several requirements to be met. It had to be high end, good service. There's nothing like too much salt or a rude waiter to ruin the night. Jackson couldn't risk that. On the other hand, considering how he'd almost driven April into cardiac arrest with the mountains of pricey gifts under their Christmas tree, it didn't have to be too posh. With that memory fresh on his mind, getting a private room could not even be considered an option.

The restaurant would have to be outstanding, though. Something she would remember, and somewhere they wouldn't go often, or maybe not again at all. So, sadly, he had to decline the boys' recommendation of their favorite pizza place. To still keep them involved he let them pick the bouquet.  
April's taste was easy at least. Her love for cooking had left her trying out a lot of different recipes. While she appreciated well cooked quality food, she wasn't picky.

In the end, the Space Needle seemed like a good choice, and Jackson was lucky when his request was granted without reservation.

In fact, the topic of Valentine's Day didn't faze Jackson for the last half of January. Between 'Bring your parents to work day' and one or two very difficult surgeries he was happy to spend his free time not thinking at all. May that be at swimming with his son, on the playground with his family, or... well, basically everywhere with his girlfriend. Her new year's resolution seemed to include a lot of one on one time. Not that he minded.

On the evening of the 14th Jackson, already clad in suit and tie, dropped the boys off at Meredith's place (basically a daycare, through the open door alone he also spotted Sophia and at least one other kid that most certainly wasn't a Sheperd). While he was gone April was to get home and get ready. So that, once he returned with a bouquet of daisies, marigolds, poppies, and other flowers that made little sense to be grouped together according to the florist, but a lot of sense according to the boys, she was ready to be swept off her feet. In theory.

* * *

In practice, when Jackson got home all lights were out. He went inside. Nothing. He checked his phone. Four missed calls. April. He dialed her number. After the third ring his call was answered.

"Dr. Kepner's phone, nurse Danielle speaking."

"Hello...? This is Dr. Avery."

"Yeah. I know. It says on the screen."

"Oh... er, of course. Look, I hoped to speak to Dr. Kepner. She called me..."

"Dr. Kepner said you might call."

"And?"

"She's in surgery right now. So she can't call you back."

"She's in...? I'm sorry, I just- I thought she had the night off after her ten hour shift..."

"She did, Dr. Avery. It's just this massive trauma that came in. Dr. Hunt's on call, but he's an hour out of town and they needed surgery now, so..."

"So she's operating."

"Yes, she is."

Jackson sighed. He couldn't believe this. Alright. He had to think positive.

"So, Danielle... how long do you think she's going to be in for?"

He could literally hear her shrug. "I don't know, honestly. Could be half an hour, could be three..."

"Alright. I'll come over to the hospital then." There wasn't anything else he could do.

"Okay, Dr. Avery. I'll tell her in case she gets out early."

"Thank you, Danielle. And thanks for taking the call."

"No prob-"

That moment, he didn't care if it was rude. He just had to hang up. Being an hour late on Valentine's Day to SkyCity? They'd never hold their table. There was no way. But he had to try. He had to. For April. For _perfection._

* * *

Half an hour later Jackson hit the ER parking lot just in time to see a certain redhead jog towards him. After her call he'd stopped his search for the outfit she'd picked out for the evening, just taken a dress that looked like he'd never seen it before and a pair of shoes, and jumped into the car. On his way to the hospital he must have gone over the speed limit a few too many times, and he'd probably hit a few red lights, too. It didn't matter. SkyCity would hold their table for a total of ten more minutes. And they were going to try and get their table.

"Hi," April greeted when she reached the car.

"Hey."

"I'm sorr-" she started.

"Nothing to worry about," he interrupted, "They're still holding our table. I brought you a dress. Nothing's lost."

April, hair still wet from the shower she had to take after all the blood and vomit her last patient of the day had gifted her with, raised an eyebrow. Nevertheless, she slipped into the backseat; the best place for a change of clothes in the car à la The Princess Diaries. Jackson stomped onto the gas pedal.

Any other day, he might have appreciated his girlfriend being half naked on the backseat of his car. This definitely was an eye-opener. Today, though, he was distracted with finding a driving style that allowed April to change and time not to run out.

While his worries about time couldn't be greater, hers, apparently, couldn't be smaller. She'd undressed quickly, but once she got the dress out she just stopped all her motions. Jackson probably wouldn't have noticed if the damned red light hadn't willed him to stop, which, in return, gave him the opportunity to check the rear view mirror.

"April? Everything okay?"

She twitched, startled. "Mh? What? No... everything's fine, sorry." Then she continued changing. Jackson didn't give her behavior a second thought.

* * *

Not while they were in the car. Not while they were out of the car, hustling towards the elevator. Not while they were riding the elevator willing it to be faster. Not while they arrived at SkyCity two minutes after their reservation had run out. Not while Jackson tried to argue their way in. Not while April put a hand on his arm and gently told him to let it go. Not while they rode the elevator down in silence. Not while they got back into the car. Not while they drove around town only to end up at Proletariat after all. Not while they ordered their drinks, or pizzas.

Only when they were waiting for their pizzas to arrive and he caught April tucking at her dress did it cross his mind that this might be a dress she didn't really feel comfortable wearing.

Oh shit. Instead of making their first Valentine's Day date perfect, he'd pretty much ruined it: losing their table (he _would_ get a private room next time... well, if there was a next time), forgetting her bouquet at home (where it was probably slowly dying far away from the next vase), and finally, making her wear a dress she probably last wore on a date with her MIA husband. Perfect. Just perfect.

Faced with his failure, Jackson couldn't keep it in any longer. "I'm sorry."

April jerked her head, furrowed her brows. "What?"

"I'm sorry about tonight. I wanted it to be perfect, and I..."

She shook her head. "If anyone is at fault for messing tonight up, it's probably me."

"But... the table."

"You booked it according to my schedule. I was the one who decided to go in for one more surgery."

"And the flowers!"

"...will survive until we get back tonight," she finished.

Jackson licked his lips, before he voiced his last concern: "You wore this dress before, didn't you?"

Her gaze dropped to the green fabric. Downward facing and unmoved her expression was hard to read.

"I wore it to Matthew's first promotion ceremony. He got Captain early, for special services. His parents couldn't make the trip so it was just us..." She sighed, brushing her hand down her thigh as if she remembered another touch just like that. "I wasn't always supportive when it came to his military career, mostly because I thought he was doing it more to please his dad than himself. But that day... I was just so proud of him."

If he blinked, Jackson could see it, only just for a second. April, in the green dress, sitting – or standing? He knew nothing about this stuff – watching Matthew with a huge smile on her face. Matthew accepting the medal or whatever they got while looking at April, and April only. April looking back, thinking about how they'd celebrate later, more privately...

"I shouldn't have kept it," not-daydream April interrupted, shaking her head. "That was... I shouldn't have kept it."

This was a case Jackson had to argue. "What? No. It's a beautiful dress, you... I shouldn't have brought it."

"You couldn't have known," she replied quietly.

"I could have figured. In the car," he reminded her gently.

"I could have told you," she added.

"Yeah, I guess."

They sat in silence, but sadly not the one they found themselves in early mornings and late nights gazing into each other's eyes. While Jackson's eyes were on the redhead sitting on his opposite side, April's eyes were still, or again, on the dress. Jackson had no idea how to turn this date around so it wouldn't go down in history as a Matthew remembrance disaster date. He had no idea until very suddenly he did.

"You know it must have been weird for the boys."

That caught April's attention. Not in a good way, obviously.

"Not in a bad way, I mean. Just, like... they haven't seen us celebrate Valentine's Day ever before," he added quickly.

April kept silent, but her raised brow suggested that she was waiting for him to reach a proper conclusion.

"So... it must have been weird. Unusual, at least. But I do think it was fun as well- They seemed excited when they picked the flowers for your bouquet." The flowers he forgot.

Luckily, that didn't seem to bother April. Rather, it appeared to raise her interest. "You let the boys pick the flowers?"

"Yeah, well. When I was younger, my mom would have me pick the earrings she'd wear for her Valentine's Day date. Since I don't wear earrings..." He shrugged, as if that was explanation enough.

April laughed. "You picked your mom's earrings on Valentine's Day?"

"Ever since I was two."

That served to keep April laughing.

Jackson smiled, but tried to keep serious. "Hey. Matching colors was like my favorite thing to do at that time. And shapes. But I could never quite figure out why the circle wouldn't fit into the triangle."

April stopped laughing, but a smile remained on her face. "So how long did you keep this up?"

Jackson grinned. He knew this would be a triumph. He pulled out his phone, and put it on the table. Then he pulled up the most recent text exchange with his mother. It featured a photo of a few pairs of earrings and below that picture, his choice. Number 2. "Still keeping it up till today."

His little story earned him a big smile. "You're so full of surprises."

"I'm pretty sure I'll run out of things you don't know about me by the end of the year," he shrugged.

She shook her head and laughed- freely this time, the dress debacle apparently forgotten about. "I doubt it!"

"Well, I'll try my best to keep surprising you... only in the good ways, obviously."

"Only in the good ways," April agreed.

* * *

When he found himself wide awake later that night, limbs entangled with Aprils and his arm wrapped around her back, Jackson pondered the outcome of the evening. The perfection he'd sought, it seemed, was not a man made thing. It wasn't a plan unfolding in precision. It wasn't a dress matching make up and shoes. It wasn't a white wine going perfectly with the fish it was served with. The perfection he'd tried so hard to accomplish had turned out to be quite easy to achieve. To Jackson Avery, all he had to do for perfection was making his girlfriend happy. And, lying awake like he did, he believed that maybe, just maybe, he might be able to do that for some time. Maybe even forever.


	14. April 23rd 2016

When April Kepner turned four years old she celebrated her first birthday party. Since she'd turned four, she was allowed to invite four of her friends. This proved to be a challenge, given how everyone is friends with everyone in kindergarten. In the end her mom chose those whose parents she considered the best to be associated with. April didn't mind. She was having a party!

It really was splendid. Her aunt Tara made a cake, and her cousin Vaughn was allowed to come in addition to her four friends. Her friends brought her presents: Paper Dolls, Tinker Toys, a Care Bear and even roller skates! Her mom organized a couple of games for them to play, like blind man's bluff and egg-and-spoon-race. Her dad blew up a couple of balloons, and made his voice go funny by inhaling the helium when the celebrations were drawing to a close. All in all, it was pretty perfect. And even at four, April knew she'd always love celebrating her birthday.

When April turned fourteen years old she celebrated her last birthday party at home. It was relatively short-lived. Despite her new age she'd only been allowed to invite five people. One of them, Justin Trill, a boy from her middle school, disappeared in the middle of the party. They found him after half an hour playing an extended version of 7-minutes-in-heaven with Kimmy in the hallway closet. After that none of the Kepner girls were allowed to have birthday parties anymore. And Justin spread the gossip that April's party ended so early because she'd peed her pants as a spin-the-bottle dare, which led to her not having any friends to celebrate her fifteenth birthday with (not that she would have been allowed anyway).

When April turned twenty-four years she didn't celebrate at all. The highlight of that day was the moment the skype call icon popped up on her desktop, informing her that her husband of one year had actually managed to squeeze in a few minutes to talk to her. There was no material gift she desired as much as hearing his voice and seeing his, hopefully, wound-free, features intact face. After Matthew had to end the call – after twenty-three minutes precisely, he'd tried for twenty-four but it just didn't work out – April, although cheery, headed into work. Nobody there knew about the significance of that date.

* * *

When April turned thirty-four years old her day started out anything but celebrator. She woke up to the feeling of something heavy landing on her belly, and a familiar voice chiding: "Careful, Casper!"

Blinking her eyes against the light of the day she now had to face, whether she wanted to or not, three people came into view. Two of them were small: one crawling towards and the other one already on top of her. Person number three was towering above them, a tray in his hands.

"Mmmhh- morning," April mumbled, her hands reaching towards her boys.

"Happy birthday, mommy," Levi greeted excitedly. He reached his mother a beat behind step brother, but she managed to hug them both simultaneously, thus avoiding any possible tears.

"Happy birthday," Casper echoed next to her ear.

"Aww, thank you, guys!"

It was a nice surprise to wake up to this. Even if it had started out with a kick in the guts. Literally.

They let go of her after a minute. The excitement remained, though.

"We made breakfast for you!"

"Yeah! Pancakes and strawbrees and fip cream!"

April widened her eyes in excitement. "Pancakes and strawberries _and_ whipped cream?! All by yourselves?"

The two five-year-olds giggled, shaking their heads. "No! Of course not! Daddy helped."

"We're not allowed to use the stove ourself, silly mommy."

"Hey! Who're you calling silly, mister?" she asked, launching a full on tickle fight.

Jackson watched, the tray still in his hands, until both of the boys raised their hands in surrender and April let go. He smiled, then leaned down. Time for his turn.

"Happy birthday, April," he said, wanting to say much more, but not willing to say it in front of the kids. Instead, he gave her a quick peck on the lips before he handed the tray over.

Luckily, their kids were not at the 'ew' stage yet, although they certainly considered kissing couples embarrassing. At least judging by the way they giggled and covered their eyes.

"Oh, that looks great," April praised. Her voice encouraged the boys to uncover their eyes – after all you can't talk while kissing.

"We made a shape, see?" Levi wanted to know.

April titled her head to one side before her eyes lit up in realization. "Oh! A heart! That's so cool you guys. Thank you!"

"You've gotta try them," Casper urged, nudging her side.

She laughed. "Alright, I'll try them."

As she chewed her first piece she could feel three pairs of eyes on her, watching intently. They kept watching until she swallowed. Then one of the eyes' owners requested judgment by uttering a simple conjunction: "And?"

"It's delicious. Wanna try?"

Of course, both of the boys were eager to share with April. Pancakes were one of their favorite breakfast dishes. She was actually surprised they had waited for her to eat first without any begging. Jackson had probably given them some sort of pep talk before going up the stairs. Next time he might just include the etiquette of not climbing on people who were still asleep.

"Don't I get anything?" The man in question, who'd resumed his place lying next to them on the other side of the bed, pouted. April couldn't help but laugh at the look he was giving her. It was so Casperesque.

"Come over here. You can have some," she offered.

Beaming he inched closer to them, until he could wrap an arm around the birthday girl's shoulders. His other arm was busy leading his hand towards the pile of pancakes.

Maybe thirty-four was the age April would start celebrating thoroughly, again.

* * *

Maybe thirty-four was the age April shouldn't have started celebrating again. At least, she doubted her decision to do so when she found herself hunched over the toilet for the third time that day. This being late afternoon a few minutes before her friends were scheduled to arrive.

When she was finally done with emptying her stomach's contents into the bowl and came up for air, a wave of dizziness hit her. She had to grip onto the sink to stabilize herself. The spinning ceased after a few seconds, but the pounding in her head remained. She pulled a face at herself in the mirror.

The familiar headache, an almost constant companion of the past two weeks or so, annoyed her. Did it have to present itself on her birthday, of all days? Uninvited guests were the worst.

Sighing, she squeezed some toothpaste onto her toothbrush, ran a little water over the combination and then put it to use on her teeth. On the brighter side, she didn't look any more paler than usual. With an aspirin or two she should be good for the day. In the back of her mind there was this voice, though. This doctor voice told her that these symptoms should be checked out, not suppressed by painkillers. Even internet MD knew.

Not today. Not on her birthday. She had friends coming over. She'd get herself checked out on Monday, or sometime next week depending on her surgical schedule. Having an issue herself was far less interesting and fun than treating her patients'.

April splashed some water onto her face, willing the dark thoughts away. God had taken her son's father before he ever knew him. Surely, God wouldn't take her son's mother as well. This wasn't the Book of Job.

She filled a glass, popped two aspirin into her mouth and swallowed them. One last look into the mirror, and she was good to go. She had to be.

Outside the door, when she opened it, she found Jackson. On his face: obvious worry lines. Of course, her continued pain hadn't been lost on him.

"Hey," he greeted in a hushed voice, "You okay?"

"I will be," April assured, waving the already empty package of aspirin. She'd bought it at the beginning of the week.

Jackson wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her close. "I'm not liking this a bit. How long has it been? A week?"

"Almost two," she confessed, biting her lower lip. "But there's absolutely no history of brain tumors in my family, my radiation dosimeter has been pretty low, I don't think-"

"I just think you should have it checked out," Jackson gently insisted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Better a negative diagnosis now than a positive diagnosis later, huh?"

Leaning into his touch she sighed, again. "I know. I'll get it checked out first thing next week, alright?" If nothing cool came up, that was. But he didn't need to know that.

"Alright. Let me know when. I'll take you."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

Jackson was saved further arguments by the doorbell.

"That must be them," April announced.

He smiled. "Let's get this party started, then."

* * *

Apart from her headaches, which mostly ceased once the aspirin kicked in, April was having an unexpected blast at her birthday party.

They hadn't invited a lot of people. It wasn't that April didn't have friends, she did. She just didn't view her thirty-fourth birthday as an event big enough to be worth hours of travel. Out of the five couples invited two cancelled, and so it was going to be just six guests.

It turned out to be a good thing. With only doctors present they didn't have to sugar-coat any topics that could be considered gross. Not even when they served the food Jackson had prepared. Sandwiches and pumpkin scones.

Arizona pulled a face as soon as she saw them. "Are you trying to starve us out?"

"I'm sorry. I know my cooking skills aren't up to April's level. But it's her birthday, and she shouldn't cook. I promise it isn't poisonous," Jackson defended his food, more than a little bit offended by the comment.

"No, Jackson. That's not it," the blonde replied shaking her head, "It's just that I _hate_ pumpkin scones... and sandwiches, for that matter."

"Dito," Callie seconded.

Jackson raised an eyebrow, then searched his girlfriend's gaze in his confusion. "But you said I should make these. I even called my mom to get a recipe for the scones."

"I said everything _but_ pumpkin scones and sandwiches," April corrected gently.

"Oh. Well. That makes sense," Jackson said, which had everybody break out in laughter.

Then Callie said: "But seriously, you guys. I'm hungry. Don't you have some tupperware dishes ready to be warmed up, Kepner?"

April blushed heavily as she did when called out on one of her habits. Jackson, although he didn't participate in it, found her obsession with not throwing any food away adorable.

"Uhm... I've got a rocket salad with a raspberry vinaigrette from last night..."

"However tempting that sounds... no salad for her," Arizona put in, pointing rather indiscreetly at her wife.

"Who doesn't eat salad?" Amelia asked.

Callie crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You wouldn't either if you'd found a slug in the last one you had... an alive one, I should stress." For even more emphasis, she screwed up her nose.

"Lobster pasta?" April suggested uncertainly. Right now she felt like a very bad host, and being a Kepner this made her head spin. Kepners were the best hosts in town, not the bad ones.

"That sounds fabulous," Arizona agreed, nodding enthusiastically.

"Er... Actually, I reheated that for the boys last night," Jackson admitted.

Owen frowned. "I thought you hated Tupperware, Avery."

"I do. As I said, it was for the boys." The family man himself had treated himself to a foodora once his kids were asleep (and while his girlfriend was still at work).

Exhausted but hopeful April offered the last thing she could think of: "Pizza! You both like pizza, don't you?"

"Yep. Pizza is the best."

"Good." Suppressing a sigh- these were her guests after all -she pushed her chair back and got up. "Give me a minute."

Jackson literally jumped out of his chair. "I can do it," he volunteered.

"No, it's fine. I'll be much faster."

"I can put a pizza in the oven," he pouted. Although, this time he wasn't really offended. And April didn't hear him anyway.

No, April was busy brushing her hand down over her face to fight the pounding headache that had reemerged as soon as she'd gotten up from her chair. By the time she'd reached the kitchen it was paired with a dizzy spell too. She grabbed onto the counter to steady herself.

It didn't go away.

At this point the redhead was fighting against fainting. She knew it was a matter of time. The dizziness was only getting worse, and so was the headache. Maybe she should call someone...?

She opened her mouth. No words came out.

As her eyes rolled back into her head and she felt gravity pull her, she registered the sound of footsteps; but only faintly.

Then the distant hazy sound of her name, panicked but appearing as if in slow motion, and then: darkness.

* * *

April couldn't believe this was happening. On her birthday of all days.

"I can't believe this is happening," she whispered to no one in particular.

Her audience was small. Only Jackson and Owen. Callie had disappeared with Arizona after she'd taken care of April's shoulder, which had been dislocated during the fall. Amelia had run off as soon as they got to the hospital to try and get a hold of an MRI. Nathan had been pulled into surgery as soon as they set foot into the ER. And Meredith's babysitter had canceled so she'd never come to the party in the first place. In essence her six-person confirmed party guests were actually five.

So, Jackson and Owen only. Her boyfriend and her best friend/pseudo brother. Her plastic and her trauma. Her heart and her-

"Right now, we're not sure this _is_ happening," Owen reassured. Apparently he'd heard her.

April shook her head. The movement hurt terribly. "Two weeks, Owen. Two weeks of this. What else do you know that explains two weeks of headaches and dizzy spells?"

"There's a lot of things. A virus-"

Before Owen could list them all Jackson put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He shook his head at the older man, and this time, for the first time, they reached a consensus. Reasoning wasn't what April needed right now. Right now, all she needed was their support.

"Whatever is happening," Jackson said, taking over, "You're not alone in this, babe. You've got me, you've got your friends, your... our family..."

April teared up again. "I haven't talked to my mom in three months now I'll call her to tell her I'm dying..."

"Woah, woah, woah! Nobody's dying!"

"I might be."

"We might all be," Owen murmured.

"What?!"

He shrugged. "There's accidents every day. You've seen it all in Jordan..."

Something flashed across April's eyes. Then she started crying in earnest. Huge, racking sobs.

"Really well done, Hunt," Jackson praised, sarcasm dripping in his voice. He moved across the room to offer April his shoulder to cry on.

Owen frowned. Apparently, he did that often. "I was only trying to help..."

"Well, you haven't."

"I've got us an MRI, guys," Amelia announced, pulling aside the curtain. Once she comprehended the situation she raised a brow. "Is this bad timing?"

"No! I mean... yeah, kinda." Jackson shrugged. Then he turned back towards April. "Hey babe, did you hear? Amelia's got an MRI. We can figure out what's up with you right now."

April sat up, tears easing. She blinked at the other couple. Then she gripped Jackson by his shirt and pulled him close. "You've gotta promise me-"

"Whatever you want, April."

"If... if anything happens to me. Like, ever. You've gotta promise me you'll take care of Levi. He loves you, and..." She bit her lower lip, clearly trying further waterworks at bay. "You've gotta promise me, okay?"

Although he didn't weep easily Jackson had to fight his own tears as he said: "Okay. Okay, I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

The way to the MRI was spent in utter silence. Everyone was left to their own thoughts. Their current views matched up, though. They were all concerned about April, and what the future would hold for her. And for them should she not be in it.

Even as April signed the informed consent and the MTA led her into the room, no further sentiments were exchanged. Jackson stood behind the glass in the observing cabin with the Hunts. Amelia had already gone into professional mode, preparing the settings.

Then, the MTA left the room and it was time to start the procedure.

It was the first time Jackson didn't watch in awe, but in horror as the slides began appearing...

"STOP THE MRI," Arizona shouted. She burst through the door, breathless and hair all over the place. Obviously, she'd been running.

"Why-"

The paediatric surgeon hit the stop button before her colleague could ever finish the question. Whatever it was she was concerned about, it appeared to be more important than her own professional reputation.

"You," she said, pointing at Jackson (apparently, she liked pointing at people), "Come with me... and don't turn it back on, Sheperd. I know you want to."

Jackson didn't even know what was happening, but somehow he ended up in the MRI room with his girlfriend and her best friend.

"Jackson? Arizona? What...?" April asked in confusion, once she was unceremoniously removed from the tunnel of the donut-shaped MRI machine and they came into view.

"I'll explain in a minute," Arizona assured, "Let's get you out of the room first."

She unsnapped and removed the Magnetic Resonance Imaging helmet that surrounded April's head, allowing her to get off the machine's movable bed. Then she led their company of three (or was it already a crowd?) back through the changing room and into the hallway. There – finally - she allowed them to sit down in waiting room chairs.

However, she didn't really give them any time to breathe. Much like she hadn't given herself time to breathe racing up the hallway to the MRI rooms.

"How long was she in there?" she asked Jackson.

"Not even a minute... twenty seconds? I don't know..."

Arizona nodded thoughtfully. "Well, that's good. I mean. Not good. But something. Definitely better than I feared it would be..."

"What do you mean: good? Why did you stop the MRI without any explanation?" Jackson wanted to know. His confusion was slowly turning into irritation. He didn't remember whether Arizona had had a glass of wine or not, but right now her actions would only make sense to him if she was indeed drunk. And that would probably take, like, a bottle.

"I had to do it as quickly as possible. No time to explain."

"But why-"

"Arizona," April cut in sharply, "What's going on?"

The blonde's voice changed and even her eyes grew softer when she turned towards her friend. It was about time. If Jackson was scared, April must have been crippled with fear. "Sweetie. Do you remember I took your blood?"

April nodded.

"Well, I analysed it, and the results were clear. You don't have a brain tumour."

"How can you tell this by my blood?" The redhead raised an eyebrow, and reasonably so. After all, they were all doctors. This didn't make any sense.

"Because I found out what's causing your troubles... April, you're pregnant."

* * *

 **A/N: Dun, dun, dunnnn! Let me know your thoughts on this totally unexpected twist ;D**


	15. June 26th 2016

It was way past eleven when April and Jackson left the hospital on Sunday. Later than they'd initially planned. Not that their life ever went according to plan anyway.

They walked to their car – Jackson's car – in silence. April hadn't felt like driving in the morning. Despite her occupation medical appointments always had her stomach in knots. Especially if they concerned her, or her children.

April had always dreamed of three children. Two boys and a girl, not necessarily in that particular order. But three children; healthy, and happy.

Jackson had never given much thought to his family plans. Just him and Casper was the most likely option. With Kirk and Michael Douglas, Niels and Aage Bohr, or Malin and Nemo (as Casper made sure he was aware of) they were in good company. Then April entered his world, and soon his home, and suddenly the thought of raising his three children with a partner became the most natural thing in the world.

The Jackson, whose world had been turned upside down by two redheads within the last year, was still father first and plastic surgeon second. Thus, instead of getting straight into the car, he opened April's door first for her. She barely gave him any notice as she got in.

He noticed her, though, noticed every little nuance that separated this April from the one he was used to living with. She looked paler than typically, most of the color drained from her face. Since she'd barely bothered with makeup in the morning the effect was even more prominent. Under the current circumstances he couldn't blame her. Worry, yes; but let her know about his concern? No.

Today, he would just have to be there for her. Be her rock, or whatever cheesy people call each other in their time of need. He should have probably paid more attention during their _Bridget Jones_ movie marathon night, but, unfortunately, he fell asleep during part one and only woke up from April's sniffles during the wedding scene of the third movie. Nevertheless, he had to be her rock. Even if it was just opening, literal, doors for her.

Starting the car also started the radio. Jackson turned it off as quickly as possible, his eyes flitting nervously to his girlfriend. Hers were staring out the window. Had she noticed Meghan Trainor praising herself she didn't show it. Although, at this point, April probably would have agreed with the singer and rather been "her too".

It was hard for Jackson to give her space – April, not Meghan Trainor, he'd never met her – on this particular morning. Only knowing that pushing her never helped kept him from saying something. Anything. He had to wait.

He had to wait for a almost two thirds of their fifteen-minute-drive until April opened her mouth and said: "It's strange, isn't it?"

Instead of asking what she was talking about – he had a feeling he knew – Jackson waited for her to continue.

"One minute we're in that hallway with Arizona convinced we can do this, and now..." she trailed off.

"We can still do this," Jackson put in calmly.

April shook her head. "I'm not sure I can, I... I'm not it's the right thing to do, Jackson."

"I know it's not what you wanted..."

"That's not what I said! Don't put words in my mouth!"

He suppressed a sigh. Today he had to be there for her. Tomorrow he could deal with his feelings. He just had to keep reminding himself. "I'm sorry. What I mean is, this is not how you envisioned this would happen."

"Well, did you think this is how it would happen?" she snapped back.

"No! Of course not. This is not the first thing that pops into you head when you think about what having a baby means," Jackson answered, maybe a bit too harshly.

April didn't cry. But her voice was close to breaking and quiet when she spoke again: "We never thought about having a baby in the first place."

"No. No, we didn't..."

"So that was our mistake," she added.

"You might call it a mistake. But I wouldn't. Ever." The red light stopping them gave him the opportunity to meet his girlfriend's eyes. And he rolled with it. "Casper, you, Levi, the baby... you're the best things to ever happen to me. Nothing will change that."

The light turned green, and April turned away to open her purse. She took the blurry black and white picture out of it, placed it on her lap, and traced the tiny humanoid shape with her little finger as they rode to their destination in silence.

* * *

"Babies!"

"Hello to you too, mom," Jackson replied as he accepted the kiss on the cheek his mother just had to give him. Once she was done she repeated the same gesture with April.

"It's been too long! How have you been? Frankly, you both look a bit under the weather. Especially you, my dear. Isn't my son feeding you?"

For the second time within an hour Jackson suppressed a sigh to spare the feelings of someone he loved. "April can take care of herself, mom. Besides, she's a much better cook than I am, so..."

"She can also speak for herself, darling. And her being a better cook doesn't mean she should always be on dinner duty. Richard, for example, he..."

Jackson used the rant about his stepfather to sit down and tune out. He was exhausted by the morning's events. First, the rough awakening at four in the morning when Levi cried his eyes out because he'd wet the bed during a nightmare. Then, their babysitter canceling last minute and the seemingly endless calls that followed in order to find someone else. All of that topped by the ultrasound, and what April's mixed emotions meant for the talk they were now going to have with their parents. Inevitably.

He was done for the day, and it wasn't even halfway over.

At least, his mother seemed to be done, too. She'd sat back down, April conveniently sandwiched between them. "He really would have liked to come, but leaving the interns to it just wasn't an option. You know how it is."

"We do," April agreed. She was putting on the best smile she could manage under the circumstances.

Those included her parents approaching from inside.

"Hi, hello," Karen called out, her voice sounding a lot like April's usually did when she was nervous. "Sorry! We didn't know you were Jackson's mother. We thought we'd meet everyone inside-"

"That's quite alright. Catherine Avery, nice to meet you."

"Karen Kepner, likewise. And this is my husband, Joseph." They shook hands. For some reason, Catherine didn't feel the need to exchange french bisous with strangers.

"I'm glad we finally meet," Karen continued, "Jackson and Casper are such wonderful-"

"Yeah, I've heard of the way your family has welcomed my boys," Catherine cut her off curtly. While Jackson felt a little uncomfortable about the icy tone, April didn't move a muscle. Either she was still mad at her parents for Christmas, or she just wasn't very present.

"Oh, well..." Karen blushed, but really, there was nothing she could say to make it better.

To save them from the amount of awkwardness that dreaded to ensue, Jackson rose from his seat and said: "Why don't you guys sit down? Have you ordered yet?"

Both of the Kepners appeared grateful, although Joe's focus was clearly on his absent minded daughter. She hadn't even greeted them yet, or acknowledged them in any other way.

"Thank you, Jackson. And no, we haven't. We wanted to wait until everybody got here."

"Well then you're in luck," April muttered dryly, her gaze on two more figures approaching. Her parents-in-law.

They looked a lot like the last time Jackson had seen them. Maybe there was a glint of remorse in their eyes... but that could have been wishful thinking.

His girlfriend kept staring (glaring?) directly at them until they reached the table.

"April."

"Evelyn. Thomas." It surprised Jackson how cold her voice was, when she'd been so wrecked by her nerves all day. Really, all week leading up to today.

Instead of engaging further with their daughter-in-law, Evelyn introduced herself and her husband to Catherine before she exchanged hugs and a handshake with the Kepners. After what seemed to be an eternity of 'how are the kids?' and 'how is the house?' everyone was seated. And that meant showtime.

* * *

Now here's the thing about showtime: showtime is the time when plans are set into action. Keeping in mind how close to none of the Kepner-Avery's plans had worked out since they formed their little makeshift family, there was something looming over that word, even long before showtime actual started. It will not be surprising that Jackson's well-rehearsed speech wasn't what spread the news.

Instead of getting everybody's attention by just being there, Jackson had to clear his throat multiple times before anybody listened. And even then, they didn't listen to him.

"Is your throat sore, Jackson? Do you need some water?" his mother asked, sounding rather concerned.

He shook his head. "No, I'm fine. I was just trying to get you guys' attention..."

"Water would be very nice, though! It is so hot today," Evelyn interrupted.

 _I would be hot, too, if I was sitting a few feet away from the woman that might shatter the story of a life I've built for multiple years within a few seconds_ , Jackson thought grimly.

"We really should order some. I don't know how the waiter keeps passing us up," Karen agreed.

"Well, actually, I was hoping to-" Again, Jackson was cut off mid sentence. This time not by words, but by a hand squeezing his knee. When he turned around April was giving him a pointed look.

"Let them order first," she told him calmly, "No need to rush it."

And since today was the day he'd do anything to make it simpler for her, he complied with her request. Everyone ordered their drink, with only a small amount of complaining about the lack of ohian beer choices, and everyone ordered a drink. Everyone but April, who to the waiter's question on whether she'd share the bottle of wine the Averys were having replied: "Just water for me, thanks."

This, in return, got her father beaming with pride. "My April has never gone into work drunk, ever."

As far as Jackson was concerned, this hypothesis didn't hold up. Well. She probably hadn't been drunk, that would have been irresponsible. But that one gala night she spent with Arizona in the supplies closet – yep, that actually happened apparently – had seen her going into work with a considerable amount of residual alcohol. That was for sure.

The explanation for why April wasn't drinking was good, though. How awful would it have been if the news had been announced by the cliché 'you're not drinking?' - 'not for the next nine months, I'm not'- conversation? Awful and unoriginal, two adjectives Jackson couldn't even stand as hollow words, let alone put into vivid action.

Joe's bragging would have let them off the hook for a while. Maybe until the drinks arrived. Then, after everybody got a little drunk and sappy, they would have announced their news to a thoughtful, nostalgic audience. All of their reactions would have been positive. The broken ties between the once close knit family would have been mended, and everyone would have lived happily ever after.

However, life's not a fairy tale. At least concerning April and Jackson it most certainly wasn't.

So, of course, someone had to ruin it. Well, two someone's really. First, Karen knitted her brows together. "But I thought you'd taken the day off so we could take the boys to the zoo in the afternoon?" she asked.

This was a valid question, and maybe, if given the time April would have found a valid answer to it. "Yes," she could have said, "And I don't want to drink before I'm going out with the children. I never do that."  
It would have been plausible. Solid. Ironclad.

Unfortunately, April wasn't given the time to think of that very unassailable reply. Instead she went completely rigid at the cry of joy Catherine Avery let out close to her ear.

"Oh my god!"

Knowing that she knew Jackson pleaded with his eyes for her to stop. This was not the way in which they rehearsed it. This wouldn't go down well like this. April-

"You're expecting!"

April gulped. Her head turned so she could look at Jackson. Sadly, this didn't give her the reassurance she craved, since looking at Jackson also meant looking at the people sitting next to him. Her parents-in-law, her parents. They all seemed so... shocked. It reminded her of her own reaction, and what battles had to be fought for her to feel confident enough not only to accept this as part of God's plan, but also tell their family about it. One look at them and all her confidence went down the drains.

She had been right. They couldn't do this. It wasn't possible. Nobody would support them. They'd lose everyone. Was it worth it?

"I..." Her gaze dropped to her lap, where her hands fiddled with each other. This was just her nerves talking. This child was a blessing, she had to keep that in mind. God wouldn't give her a child if she wasn't meant to have it. "Yes. Yes, we are."

It was barely a whisper, but it was enough to get everyone talking.

"That's great! Congratulations, you two."

At the words of her kind-of-mother-in-law, April relaxed visibly. Jackson had assured her the Avery matriach would be excited, but she hadn't been sold. After all, Jackson already had had one child out of wedlock, and by his own account his mother had not been excited about that at all.

"Thanks," April replied smiling, "It's all still pretty new to us. I mean... it wasn't planned, but we're happy..."

"Really?" Sometimes April appreciated it when people cut her off during rambling. The time Tom Taylor did it after her second pregnancy announcement, she didn't. "You are happy about _this_? You know this is an abomination, right?"

April flinched. Catherine's eyes widened, and Karen gasped. That didn't stop Tom from elaborating on some thoughts Jackson knew his girlfriend had already dealt with.

" _No one born of a forbidden union may enter the assembly of the Lord. Even to the tenth generation, none of his descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord_. - Deuteronomy 23:2," her father-in-law quoted.

For a moment, nobody said anything. To Jackson and Catherine, who didn't believe in God, the insult meant close to nothing. But to April, who did have faith, it meant a lot.

One of the biggest doubts April had going into her relationship with Jackson, was, after all, her belief. 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Hebrews 13:4 and Deuteronomy 22:13-28 – she'd read it all. Kissing wasn't strictly forbidden, so she felt okay with that. Touching was mostly forbidden, but since she was technically a widow there seemed to be some special rule set applicable. This also helped her justifying everything below the waistline.

April had stayed pure until marriage. She had followed the rules. She'd devoted every year since her husband's disappearance to the upbringing of their child. She _was_ a good Christian.

Yet God wouldn't answer her prayers. The bible couldn't answer her questions. And then there was Jackson, who seemed to be the answer to her prayers and questions all in one person.

Yes, she had struggled with her faith. She still did. But while it was only between the two of them – her and God – she'd come to peace. God was good. God had sent her Jackson. She was sure of it.

The baby had changed that. According to pro-lifers everywhere you would assume that God welcomed every baby with open arms. Yet what Tom had just used against her wasn't the only bad word spoken about babies born out of wedlock in the holy scripture.

Brought forth in iniquity, conceived in sin... the forecast didn't look sunny for their child. And she struggled. And Jackson listened. She never noticed, but he did.

" _Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him_. - Psalm 127:3," Jackson quoted back recalling one of the many things on April's long pro and con list.

Tom seemed to be a bit taken aback. But he replied nonetheless: " _And since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children_. - Hosea 4:6"

" _Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin._ \- Deuternomy 24:16," Jackson replied.

" _And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him_. - Hebrews 11:6," Tom brawled.

Everybody else just watched their exchange, stunned into silence. Especially April was surprised. She'd never noticed how much attention Jackson had actually paid to her troubles. She'd assumed he'd written it off after he told her he didn't "care about a book that calls all the people I love sinners". Yet truly, he had listened. All the time.

Blame it on the hormones, but she teared up.

" _If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness_. - 1 John 1:9," Jackson said solemnly.

Tom inhaled sharply. " _If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons_. - Hebrews 12:8."

" _May the Lord_..."

* * *

"Your drinks," the waiter interrupted awkwardly.

Jackson was glad. He probably wouldn't have had remembered another one after this.

When the waiter went to put down Tom's drink, the latter shook his head. "No need, we're going. Let's hit it, Evelyn."

Evelyn seemed to be as surprised by this as anyone. "But-"

"I said let's hit it!"

The woman that April had once loved so much she'd called her mother gave her one last glance, then she stumbled off after her scentence-citing, hard-hitting husband. It was a shame.

"I didn't know you had that in you," Catherine muttered, voicing everybody's thoughts.

"Me neither," Jackson confessed.

April wiped at her eyes. "So you do care?"

He took her hand and squeezed it. "You care. So, of course, I care."

Karen sipped on her drink. "That was..."

"Completely uncalled for. I never got how a nice guy like Matthew could have an idiot father like this," her husband finished for her, before he too took a sip of his beer. "Oh my. One more thing that's awful about Seattle. Should have stayed in Ohio, Applecakes."

They all furrowed their brows, but Joe noticed his mistake before anybody called him out on it. "Not that you're awful, Jackson. Or Casper. Or that baby. No. That's wonderful news. Great news. I mean... gotta have them before your biological clock stops ticking, right?"

Somehow, this didn't stop the frowning.

"Er... I mean... you know, while it doesn't hurt your career-" He winced. Apparently, _someone_ had kicked his shin under the table. "I, uhm... I think I better stop talking now."

"Yeah... I think we all agree that would be best," Catherine nodded.

Although Joe apparently had no problem with the whole issue, and Catherine most obviously didn't, April had studied her mother. The elder Kepner woman didn't appear too happy. It made the younger wonder whether she would have jumped on Tom's train given the opportunity.

"Er... do you want to see a picture?" Jackson asked, trying to break any left-over tension from the bible battle that had occurred previously.

While Catherine was beyond thrilled, and Joe nodded with a smile, Karen, much like her daughter earlier, remained unmoved.

Maybe it was the HCG, maybe the progesterone, or maybe just the situation. Whatever it was, April had had it. "What is it, mom? You clearly want to say something. So spit it out! What is it?"

Karen flinched as if she'd been in deep thought. She probably had been. "Oh... well... it's wonderful news, like your father said. I'm just a little startled, that's all..."

"I'm sure we're all a little surprised," Jackson seconded. For some reason he was still under the delusion this could go down somehow peacefully.

April shook her head. She didn't believe her mother for one second. "No, that's not it, mom. That's not it, and you know it."

"This isn't about you, April..." Karen sighed.

"Who is it about then? Jackson?"

"No! Of course not, why would it be?"

"It's _our_ child!" April was shrieking now. Everything just made her so angry all of the sudden. And in case her mother was paying for something that had been held in during Tom's hurtful accusations: so be it. After all, Karen had made no move to defend her daughter. "So it makes one wonder who could be concerned- oh, no. Let me guess: David?"

"Well, you must agree that this will be troublesome for him-"

"Troublesome? For him? Are you listening to yourself?"

The breath Karen took was so loud, surely it could be heard a few tables away from them. "All I'm saying is adjusting to your... new lifestyle bothered him to a degree, given how deeply faithful he is-"

"And where in the bible does it say to lock people out?"

"Now you're just being unfair. You know yourself he came around after a while concerning Kyle."

April didn't believe her ears. "Are you seriously comparing the acceptance of vegetarian diets and discrimination based on race right now?!"

"Honey, this is not about his little problem..."

"Excuse me? Little problem?" Catherine had heard enough. She had listened in for a while, thinking it was best to leave this be as a mother-daughter-brawl. Her own experience on that was quite limited. She'd grown up without her mother. She hadn't had a daughter. And April, the closest thing she'd ever had to a daughter-in-law, had never fought with her. Not even after her son almost drowned in the pool of which the fence had been taken down by Catherine's say.

So, for a while, Catherine had listened. A problem between mother and daughter could only be solved by mother and daughter themselves. But a problem that concerned race was a problem that concerned her, her son, and her grandson... well, grandchildren now, really.

Karen reacted to the interference in the most unpredictable way: she blushed. "Everybody has their flaws..."

"I don't think biting your fingernails should be measured up with racism, don't you think?" Catherine raised her brow.

"I know, I know... but racism- that's such a strong word."

"Well, what would you call it when my grandchild is physically removed from a children's table based on his race?"

Suddenly, the slugfest came to a halt. Despite the sunny weather and the noise of people passing by the air felt heavy, nothing like summer air at all. This wasn't the first time Karen Kepner had been called out about protecting her son-in-law's supposedly sectarian position. But this was the first time this had been done outside her comfort zone, and without David actually present. There was no need to defend him. This was a possibility for her to say what she really thought.

"This... David said that wasn't because of _that_. Casper had upset the girls-"

If Jackson had given the response: "For Christ's sake, Karen! Are you for real? He's not here. Stop defending him! We all know why he did that!" it wouldn't have come as a surprise. Yet it wasn't Jackson who said it, and still, it was said.

"Dad...?" After years and years of watching her father stay out of the conversation and just stand by April could hardly comprehend what was happening.

But apparently, he was on a roll. "I've had enough of the BS. This 'racism doesn't exist because Oprah exists'-crap has to stop. Libby is our daughter, and if she wasn't... damn, I would have kicked him out years ago! But April is also our daughter, and just because she isn't with us all the time doesn't mean it's okay for her to feel uncomfortable when she is. I'm not going to allow that she stays away any longer, because David can't get his head out of his ass! If he feels like he can't be in a room with April's family then he should leave. It's not their problem, it's his." Joe proceeded to turn around and face April and Jackson directly. "I'm very sorry for what happened at Christmas. I was overwhelmed by the situation, and I did the worst thing I could have done: nothing. But that's over. I'm not going to do that again. You're always welcome at our home. And I ask you to, please... give us a second chance?"

This time Jackson could have really been prepared for April throwing herself across him in order to engulf her dad in a big, teary hug. However, he didn't. And neither did his – now broken? - shoulder. He touched it idly and winced, only to be swatted on the other one by his mother.

She was shaking her head as if to say 'this is not your time to draw attention, let them be'.

Once April let go and Joe gave Jackson an affectionate pat on the back he was included anyway. It was beyond Catherine how she'd raised such a drama queen, seeing how she rarely ever exhibited pronounced penchant for the dramatic herself.

Whatever. Jackson was included, April was included, Joe was included... Really, the only one not included seemed to be Karen who was seated clutching her purse with an unreadable expression on her face.

Soon everybody's eyes were on the woman who'd put so much time and energy in defending her son-in-law's views, probably even more so than he had himself. And once again, she cracked under the pressure of being put onto the spot like this.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, but... I just can't choose between my kids!"

And then, just like that, she got out of the chair and ran.

If Karen's and April's flight risk was any indication for how their child would behave Jackson wasn't eager for their first steps.

* * *

 **A/N: After the Jaggie-setupisode I think we all need some more Japril...**

 **Anyone who catches one of the (intertextual) references will get a fun fact about the story! Let's see whether you can catch them all.**


	16. August 30th 2016

If Jackson Avery had been asked to name one perfect day in his life on the afternoon of August 30th 2016, he would have grinned and simply said: "Today."

The day, a not-so-regular Tuesday, had started out nice and slow by indulging in a lengthy breakfast with his family; namely: his girlfriend, his son, and his girlfriend's son, whom he pretty much considered his own.  
Due to the busy jobs usually occupying him and his girlfriend 9 to 5 this was a rarity Jackson enjoyed, especially on an average work day like this. There was nothing he loved quite as much as his family. With his job being a close second he never cut hours, unless his beloved one's happiness depended on it.

But that day, Jackson didn't have to make the tough choice he usually faced. He didn't have to leave his family behind to deal on their own so he could work early hours. In fact, both he and April had a late shift scheduled so they could spend the whole day together. It was a special occasion, getting to know their baby's gender, and they wanted to celebrate accordingly.

So they started the day out with waffles instead of plain cereal; snuggled into their pajamas instead of carefully avoiding the dangers spilled orange juice posed to work clothes. This was something the Kepner-Avery's could only dream of on a regular day. At least one of them was too anxious to really enjoy the meal, but Jackson still viewed it as a success.

They got into the car to go to the OB-GYN's office soon after, all dressed in fancy clothes. A family photo session was long overdue, and today seemed like a good bet for smiles on their faces.  
Though, really it could go either way. Jackson had talked to the boys about how the baby being healthy was much more important than wishing for a brother or sister, and they'd seemed to understand. However, that barely ruled out the possibility of a tantrum.

When they arrived at the doctor's it was hard to tell who was more excited: patient or doctor. Arizona had been April's first choice, although Jackson hadn't been sold on it being 'a good addition to their friendship'. He wouldn't hang out with his urologist.  
Or, god forbid, ask his mother to examine him. As much was for sure.

* * *

Arizona and April were different, though. They didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable. Rumor had it, they'd already peed in front of each other. It's downhill from there. You can't feel ashamed in front of each other if you're part of the pee-pee gang. That's a fact. Or: it is known, as Queen Dany's handmaidens would say.

That day wasn't one of the days were Arizona touched April in places Jackson mostly considered reserved for himself anyway. After all, they'd brought the boys with them. They really didn't need to see their auntie Arizona pushing her arm halfway up into their mommy.

In fact, the two of them were concerned enough without seeing any disturbing touching beforehand. Years later Jackson would still be able to picture April's baffled expression when Casper grabbed her hand with both of his and in all his five-year-old seriousness promised: "I won't let them cut you open."

Jackson didn't know whether he should be proud, because his son had absorbed the knowledge of the baby being in April's belly, or horrified, because his son seemed to think that cutting people open was a daily thing for doctors. He could only imagine the horror Casper's future sex ed teachers would face. Then he remembered that sex ed wasn't exactly a focus point in American education and relaxed.

The misunderstanding was easily cleared up by Arizona later – after she was done guffawing, obviously. Apparently, she even deemed the incident hilarious enough to put on a mental list of fun patient stories to tell at cocktail parties. At least, she texted April later asking whether that would be okay.

As soon as the screen was turned on and the picture of the baby appeared in it's black and white glory, the boys both exhaled in an understanding: "Oh!". Being part of the Linkster Generation everything related to technology made absolute sense to them without any need of elaborate explanation.

Of course, now Arizona had to explain why the picture was black and white, and that, no, their baby sibling wouldn't have to get a paint job after being born. And then, the interesting part began.

Even after years of studying, work, and postgraduate training the top attending of Sloan Grey Memorial sometimes ran into trouble on the easiest procedures. One of them: finding a baby's gender. For a good five minutes she couldn't determine whether the Kepner-Avery's were in for their third boy, or their baby just had her umbilical cord floating around exactly where tiny male genitalia would present itself.  
The sixth minute, though, the baby did a nice rendition of Cell Block Tango. In the spread eagle position Arizona could confidently tell her friends that their numbers at home, although not completely evened out, would be a little more on par come Christmas. While Jackson and Casper would celebrate Santa slipping down the chimney with a glass of milk and a plate of cookies, and April and Levi would celebrate the rise of Jesus Christ in his manger, all four of them would also celebrate the arrival of the newest addition to their family: a baby girl.

 _Ecstatic_ was a word that didn't even get close to capturing April's reaction. She was over the moon. After the whole blowout with a major part of her family, she'd continued to struggle with accepting their baby. She'd left Jackson to fend on his own with the public pregnancy announcement (which led to an adorable picture of Levi and Casper walking, holding a onesie between them, dressed in t-shirts that read "big bro – coming December 16"; but that's not the point here). She'd stonewalled all of her (male! Arizona was totally against it for one reason) friends' attempts at throwing her a baby shower. She'd gone up two sizes in scrubs so that nobody could tell whether she was pregnant or just into bulky clothes...

And it was all going to end that faithful Tuesday. (By the way, you're totally allowed to use the adjective even though you're not a believer. #Just like Nietzsche.)

In April's eyes God giving her the daughter she'd prayed for ever since she was a little girl was God showing her approval. To her, it wasn't Arizona pointing out something that after years of medical school both she and Jackson could have pretty much seen themselves (especially in that... uhm, dead giveaway position). To her, it was the Lord accepting her new family; no, urging her on to pursue it, even.

It wasn't a surprise to Jackson when his girlfriend immediately broke out in "Thank you, God"s and a few prayers after her best friend's revelation. Everybody else seemed pretty shook, though. But it didn't matter. A simple medical fact had taken a load off April's mind, and he was grateful it had.

This time, when the tech printed the copy of the ultrasound after Arizona had already left (after making an appealing case as to why she should be Godmother to their daughter, of course), April didn't decline the second copy.

* * *

As expected, the photo shoot was only the icing on the cake that the day had been. The first picture that was put on the table when they went over to Jackson's mom for cake and coffee was the ultrasound. Not one of their family pictures. And one of these, in addition, featured the boys proudly holding the picture of their sister as their parents kissed, blurred, in the background. Usually, this would have been too cheesy of a motive for a man of Jackson's refined taste. But today on cloud nine there couldn't be 'too cheesy' for him. He was forbiddingly happy, and he wanted everybody to know.

It wasn't even particularly hard to leave their kids at his mom's as they headed off for work. Mainly, because they still had almost two hours to spare, and April seemed to have pretty precise intentions on how they should be spent. Not that Jackson was opposed. The icing on the cake might have been getting a nice family picture, however, the day wasn't over yet. And what icing couldn't be perfected by a cherry on top?

They got out of the car and into the house quickly. Shed their light jackets, and coats. Started making out against the wall not covered in photographs. Continued to shed more clothes on their way upstairs. Made out against the wall covered in photographs for a moment, and realized it was a terrible idea once the first frame came crashing down. Left the frame – it wasn't broken so whatever – where it was and continued to shed even more clothes as they neared the bedroom. Reached the bedroom completely naked, hot, and bothered. Didn't bother with the door, though, because they were home alone with hours to spare for what seemed to be the first time in forever. Made their way to the bed still kissing and-

"Jackson."

"Mh," he hummed against his girlfriend's neck.

"Jackson." She patted his shoulder, insistently.

"What?" he mumbled, his lips remaining where they were.

Her second hand joined the first against his shoulders as she pushed him away with a considerable amount of force. He even stumbled back a few steps.

"What?" Clearly, he was irritated. Who wouldn't be? There they were, almost where they both so wanted to be, and she just pushed him away?! It _was_ irritating, minimum.

"The door. It's been ringing for, like, five minutes straight," she explained, tucking some hair behind her ear.

Jackson raised a brow. "Has it?"

April raised a brow. "It has." She blinked. "I think we should go check on it. And check on your ears after... don't you hear it?"

Indeed, there it was. A shrill, high buzzing sound that continued on for a length every professionally trained soprano would be jealous about. Jackson sighed. Next time he bought a house he would make sure to check how annoying the doorbell was before sealing the deal.

"Alright. I'll go down and check it out."

In response, his favorite redhead (sorry, Ed Sheeran) bounced on her heels and smiled. "Thank you! I'll just wait here for you. I really have to pee, too..." And with that she disappeared into the en suite.

With April out of sight Jackson didn't hold back rolling his eyes before he begun to collect some of his clothes, and put them on, on his way downstairs. For good measure, he kicked their other discarded clothes to the side so they weren't visible at first glance. At the moment, he couldn't really care less about what whoever had interrupted a _make out on its way to more-_ session thought about him anyway.

"We're not buying anyth-" he began as he opened the door.

He was interrupted by a man with a deep voice and some serious attitude, saying: "Officer Lee and Hayes. We're here to talk to Captain April Kepner."

Jackson blinked. He opened the door further. Well. At least, the guy didn't think he was two people at once. There was actually a second person standing inches away from him.  
Up until now, if somebody had asked Jackson to name one of the best days of his life, he would've said: "today". However, nobody asked him to do that. Instead they asked: "Does she live here?"

First, he nodded. Finding his voice took a few seconds. "Uhm... she's upstairs. Is this..." They'd already told him their names, and in addition to their uniform this could only mean one thing.  
Well. Two things. They were military was one of them. And the second was, Matthew was...

Jackson turned around to check. Luckily, April seemed to have remained where he'd left her. "Is this about Matthew Taylor?"

The guy gave him a stern look. "Everything regarding Major Taylor is classified information. I'm sure you understand."

Nodding again, Jackson scratched the back of his head. "Oh yeah... totally. I mean... I get it. It's just. I know you can't draft April, because she's been discharged under dependency years ago so..."

Both officers remained tight lipped and quiet.

They didn't know. They didn't have a clue that this was one of the best days ever, and he couldn't let them ruin it by telling April about Matthew's demise.

"Look... Today is a really bad day for this. Maybe you could come back tomor-"

"We're here to deliver classified information to Captain Kepner. Today."

Something in his voice, or his posture, or the fact that he was trained military and looked quite buff, made Jackson take a step back. He still didn't want to get April and ruin her day, but it seemed he didn't have a choice.

He also didn't have to.

"Jackson?"

As he turned around he spotted his girlfriend, wearing leggings and a shirt, heading straight for the door.

"What's taking so long?"

The officer didn't waste a second of silence. April hadn't even completely reached the entrance when he started speaking. "Captain April Kepner?"

Her eyes widened, her breath hitched, her heart started racing. She kept it together on the outside, though. Only the way she immediately grabbed her boyfriend's hand was a hint for how nervous she really was.

"Yes?"

"Officers Lee and Hayes. We are here to talk to you concerning classified information. Is there somewhere we could talk privately?"

"I... uh..." Her throat felt dry, and tighter than it had ever been. Correction: as tight as it had been the first time two military officers showed up on her doorstep unexpected. Well. Kinda expected.

Jackson tightened his grip on her hand and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders to steady her. Their eyes met. The promise remained unspoken. Whatever they'd tell her, he'd be ready to catch her up if needed.

"Ca-can he stay?"

Officer Lee's gaze twitched between the two of them. It wasn't clear whether he was judging the situation, or not. After all he must have been informed that Captain Kepner was Major Taylor's wife, his next of kin. And now he found her ready to jump into bed with another man.

"If you think you'll be more comfortable and attentive with him present it shouldn't be a concern. But we will have to put up a confidentiality agreement."

"Done," Jackson agreed, shaking the officers hands.

Guiding both of them inside, past the clothes in the corners of the hallway, was mostly a blur for April and Jackson.  
This visit was the last thing they'd expected to happen, and certainly the last thing they needed right now. But death isn't that kind. It doesn't wait for the perfect moment. Life doesn't either. They're quite similar, in a way.

"Can I offer you anything?" the man of the house proposed uncertainly, after everybody was seated.

The officers shook their heads, but April asked for water. And of course, they utilized those few minutes Jackson was gone to start talking to her.

When he returned with a glass freshly poured he barely recognized the woman he lived with. She was as pale as a ghost, her eyes staring blankly ahead. If this was her rehearsal for Halloween and she was going as Norma Bates, she should have probably hung up her trauma career to pursue acting. It wasn't, though. It wasn't.

He put the glass down on the coffee table and kneed down in front of her.

"April? April? Are you okay?"

Her gaze shifted slowly down from the wall she'd been staring at until she met his face. He could see her clearly now. The way her lips were pressed together posed some serious competition for the military officers. In the corner of her eyes there were tears forming, and the insistent though slow shaking of her head indicated that, no; she was anything but okay.

Instead of offering any kind of comfort, the military notifiers left Jackson to reassure her. He wondered what they'd done had they been alone with her. Just sat around and waited until somebody got home who could take care of the person they'd just destroyed with words?

Jackson ran his hands down her arms, mumbling soothing sounds. "Sh... sh, it's gonna be alright."

April shook her head, more urgently than before. "No."

"No? What do you mean no?"

Tears ran down her cheeks. She opened her mouth to breathe through it, clearly fighting the urge to sob. "It's n-not gonna be alright," she managed, voice thick.

"I get that you feel like that right now, angel, but I promise you it is. You're gonna get over this. We're gonna get over this, and then-"

"No," she insisted. "No, we're not. No, we won't."

Jackson was helpless, especially since he had no clue as to what they'd told her. Had Matthew died six years ago? Had he died yesterday? What had happened?

"What's wrong? Please... tell me."

She stared into his eyes, but there was no promise in them now. Only fear. Pure, primal fear.

"They found him, Jackson. They found Matthew."

"I know..." he started, but she interrupted him yet again.

"Not like that. Jackson, they... he's alive."

Just like that, the concept of a happy day, a happy life shattered in front of Jackson's eyes. And there was nothing he could do about it. Except sit by, and watch.

* * *

 **A/N: So... who guessed this was going to happen? Yeah well, I guess this is just the inevitiable. Nevertheless, I'd love to hear your thoughts on bringing Mr. Taylor back into the picture #just like Krista (or is that just a rumor? Idk for sure). Thanks for reading and bearing with me through month long waiting periods... I'll try to be better, promise! :)**


End file.
